On being a pastor

I haven't linked to any articles on the blog in awhile (or though it seems). Blogging has changed, not as many people read blogs like this anymore, and to some degree I suppose I stopped caring so much (or something like that). At any rate, this morning I ran across an article from Christian Century magazine that a friend shared on Facebook. It was a pretty lengthy read, but I read it anyway. That's what I want to link to.

It took my mind to a different time and space in some ways but also raised to the surface thoughts I've likely been having subconsciously. I don't really know if I'm still a pastor or not. I'm not all that sure I even know what one is anymore if I'm honest. "Church" as I used to think of it, and as many "churched" people think of it, is not even on my radar anymore in regard to a life of faith. The term "pastor" is even more muddled.

I know for sure I am no longer paid by a church to do anything. I do meet with several people who are considered pastors - some of whom I coach, most of whom I simply try to listen to (which is what I think most of them need). There are three right now on a regular basis, and I've recently been asked to meet with a retired pastor whose wife is dying, so I suppose it could be construed as pastoring, but it seems more like "just being there." I have also been asked to help form a sort of "ministry leadership group" at a church that has no such thing. I put that in quotation marks because though those aren't the actual words that were used, and I doubt anyone has a clue what it will look like, it was the only way I knew to describe it.

Our "Church" is a unique animal. It was formed as a non-profit organization and a church formed out of it. Um... it's been a long time since I've typed the words "church planting," but... hmm... wouldn't that be a thought?? Nah, it could never happen...  Anyway, our "church" doesn't even have 'church' in its name. It's called a 'ministry.' There is a pastor - or maybe more than one, I'm not really sure - but even the pastor doesn't fit in any sort of traditional sense. He probably spends more time selling concert tickets on the phone than doing actual "pastor" stuff (because we run a concert hall). So, I guess I say all this to say, I don't really know what a "ministry leadership group" is going to look like here. And I like that.

Alright, so this has been a whole lotta words and I've still not said anything. Yes, I was going to link to an article. Christian Century posted this article by Winn Collier entitled, "Do You Actually Want To Be Our Pastor?" It is an excerpt from one of his novels and is a story about a search committee and a pastoral candidate. As I said, it is long, but it kept me reading. It also made my eyes tear up and tugged at my heart. I'm not sure if it made me want to be a "pastor" again, or if it simply encouraged me more in the direction I currently seem headed. It did remind me of Eugene Peterson's writing in regard to pastoring, and I've been wracking my brain trying to remember the piece of paper I always kept on my office wall that was my underlying vision/value/goal/guide. It went something like, "As your pastor I want to spend time praying to God, contemplating the Scriptures, and living among you," or some such thing. You'd think I could find it on my blog somewhere, but so far it has escaped me.

And I'm getting distracted again... I should probably just stop for now. I've too many things I "need" to get done on this lazy Saturday. I will attempt a dissemination of the article at a later date (maybe), but it reminded me that I did have some good moments as a pastor - times where I think I got it right. I remember when I first started I always seemed to be telling people, "I don't want you to follow me, I want us to walk together." Unfortunately, I can also recall too many times later on when the words "us" and "them" would escape my lips, and it was not always pretty.

So, I guess this is how it's going to be today. Lots of rambling, some bad memories, but perhaps the slightest glimmer of hope that there still might be something there... somewhere.