The sabbatical that didn't stop

So... I was reminded by Facebook this past week that it was five years ago I started a sabbatical at the church I formerly pastored. It was supposed to be for three months - that's what we agreed to - but it actually never ended (for those unaware: I was asked to resign the week before I was set to return).

I just stumbled onto this piece my daughter wrote at the time:

Today is the last Sunday I'll hear my dad preach for three months. I've known this for a while and have been nothing but excited for him and mom to get a break and also to get three months of the guy who's going to fill in while he's gone. But, last night as I laid in bed praying for my parents and our church, I was not prepared for how sad I got. And this morning it didn't go away. Getting to be a preachers daughter is a really special thing and I'm going to miss seeing my dad in that role this summer. Anyways, if I had a diary I would write this there but I don't. :)

It was a pretty moving ordeal for the whole family. As for me, now five years removed, I have a couple thoughts:

1. I cannot even IMAGINE still being at that place and in that role. I am actually GLAD I am not. I feel good about life, and about no longer being a full-time pastor. I almost wrote 'no longer being a paid ministry worker,' but that's not really true. I still consider myself a ministry worker, and I do get paid (for the work I do). It's just in a really different way. Anyway, I think most of the animosity is gone for me. I'm glad to no longer be in that role.
2. With that said, I am still somewhat befuddled that... after five years... we have still not heard from anyone responsible for this action from the church. There has been no attempt, or response to our attempts, at reconciliation. That just seems bizarre to me. While I am happy where I'm at, I am still saddened by the way the relationships suffered (and not just for me, but for a lot of people).
3. If there is anything I miss it is the time I had for praying and studying. I do not miss preaching or leading worship at all at this point. In fact, I can't imagine doing it anymore. I'm not sure I can even remember doing it. I miss the quiet times though. I'm not sure if you would call them the 'alone times with God,' or simply the more contemplative life I used to lead.

Anyway... this is where I am now: I run the parking lot for our present church. I wish many things had been different five years ago. I mostly wish I would have reacted differently. I handled the whole thing very poorly. Very poorly. A lot of people were hurt, and I was partly if not greatly responsible. I regret that. But it's happened, and I'm okay with how things have turned out on my end. I'm still sad for many of the people around me, but I guess life goes on.

So... that's about all I can think of to say. It's been five years. If not for Facebook I don't think I would have realized it.