The other day I mentioned that I am reading Johann Hari's book 'Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression and the Unexpected Solutions.' It is starting to hit the nail right smack on the damn head for me. He details 9 "disconnections" that are the real causes of depression. They are:
- Disconnection from Meaningful Work
- Disconnection from Other People
- Disconnection from Meaningful Values
- Disconnection from Childhood Trauma
- Disconnection from Status and Respect
- Disconnection from the Natural World
- Disconnection from a Hopeful or Secure Future
- Causes 8 and 9: The Real Role of Genes and Brain Changes
He discusses the difference between INTRINSIC motives and EXTRINSIC motives. Intrinsic motives are the things you do purely because you value them in and of themselves, not because of anything you get out of them. Extrinsic motives are those things you do not because you actually want to do them, but because you'll get something in return - money, admiration, sex, superior status, or whatever.
As he points out on p. 93...
"For thousands of years, philosophers had been suggesting that if you overvalue money and possessions, or if you think about life mainly in terms of how you look to other people, you will be unhappy..."
Now, I am not attempting to explain this chapter here. There is much more to it. I was simply struck between the eyes by the fact that even though I have always been aware of this, and have always thought myself more intrinsically motivated... I have been misguided.
Granted, I have never been motivated by money or status (I don't think). I've always thought I was motivated by simply wanting to be a better person... being more Christ-like. However, reading through this chapter, I was somewhat dumbfounded to discover that my intrinsic motives were actually more extrinsic in nature. I wanted to be a better person... because I wanted to be ADMIRED! I wanted people to like me! I wanted to EARN respect!
I've honestly never seen it before in myself. But, I have to admit, I have always struggled to find things I actually enjoy doing. And that's because I have been so preoccupied with trying to be liked, trying to be respected, trying to be good enough, and trying to be a worthy friend, son, husband, father, etc.
The result is... I've never been able to achieve any of those things... and it leaves me feeling disappointed in myself, and depressed.
So, anyway, the first two "disconnections" were pretty good too, but this one really hit home.
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