I've never much cared for lemonade

Sometimes I like when Facebook pops up a "memory" for me... Sometimes, not so much. Last night I posted this memory from six years ago on Facebook:

I honestly did start to make a joke about it. I mean, it seems so stupid and far-away now. Yet at the same time, I also wanted to post how pathetic I think it is that I/we STILL have not heard a word from any of the people responsible. In the end, it was kind of just "meh, who cares."

I'm really glad no one left a comment on the Facebook post like, "You know what they say when life gives you lemons? Make lemonade!" Honestly, I have never much cared for lemonade - the drink or the sentiment! It's either too bitter or too sweet... and I prefer things somewhere much more in the middle.

Anyway, so what am I thinking now that six years has passed? Well, a lot has happened. Both good and bad. I guess that would be the case regardless of all 'that' though. One part of me feels it was pretty much a necessity that I was let go. Things had gone too far and I knew long before the sabbatical that I needed to leave. So in that sense I don't blame anyone but myself for what happened. I stayed too long.

On the other hand, as necessary as it may have been, I still don't understand why it was handled the way it was. I guess the people responsible are no better than I though... and my only hope is that they may regret how things ended too. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like we will ever know for sure.

What bothers me most is that it didn't need to impact so many people, and for so long. I mean, I know I was going to be pissed and say a bunch of stupid and hurtful things, but to totally abandon my family... that just seems uncalled for. Whether that's my fault or not, I don't know. But I don't like it.

At any rate, before I wrote this this morning, I read my devotions from N.T. Wright's "John For Everyone" on the text of John 8:12-20. This is where Jesus tells the Pharisees he is the "light of the world." They, of course, don't believe him. Then Wright sums up with this...

"Are you ever tempted to reject the light? As you read John 8, do you ever find yourself siding with the Pharisees? Have we all, perhaps, allowed ourselves to forget just how deep the darkness goes within each of us, not least when we are called to be God's people for the world but decide to turn this calling into a privilege for ourselves?"

Damn... guilty as charged. People make mistakes. Me, you, and everyone else. I think I've come to accept my share of the blame for the situation, and I don't even hold what happened against anyone. It happened. We're humans. Life goes on. Yet, I can only pray that someday God would soften my heart to be able to forgive... whether it is ever asked for or not. When I think of the pain my wife and daughter, especially, have suffered, and how different the lives of my grandchildren might be... and so much else... It might not be anyone's fault, but that doesn't make what happened any less sad.

So, it's been six years. So what, I guess. I honestly do not think about it anymore. I can't imagine if we were still there. I do, though, wish I could savor some of the memories. Maybe someday...