Our 'break' from church - update

We have now gone over month without attending or participating in church (maybe 5 or 6 or 7 weeks?). This is the longest we've gone without attending a worship service or being involved in a local church in over thirty years.

While it was an intentional "break" from church, I can't say I feel all that good about it. In fact, I don't. I hate it. It's not like we wanted to do this, but things happen, so we're trying to 'trust the process' (whatever that means), and hang on.

Some random thoughts I'm having during this period of churchless-ness:

1. We can't expect other people to be or do what we want them to be or do.

I'm not surprised we haven't heard from anyone at the church we had been attending. Well, other than two text messages the pastor sent saying he was "praying for us." It's just not one of those type of churches. Although, while we didn't want people fawning over us, it would be nice to know someone at least noticed our absence. But this is not about them.

I thought stepping away for a time might make us miss the 'community.' We do miss being part of a community, but I'm not sure we ever were at this church. If anything, it has reinforced that feeling in us.

I'd rather not get into any of the issues we have with the church itself, or the pastor. It may not even be them, after all, and instead may just be 'us' that's the problem. So we need to keep this mindset when thinking about the situation.

2. We can't expect to find something when we don't know what we're looking for.

I/we do value the Sunday rhythm of attending ...something. We've thought about visiting some other churches, but, honestly, that seems so 'not fun.' I long for friendship and social interaction though. I want to be challenged and encouraged to grow. I'd like to think we could maybe, possibly, even feel like we "belong" somewhere. But... I don't know where...

It could be that we simply need rest. So far we've not done anything on Sunday mornings but laze around the house. It's not the end of the world if we miss some Sunday services. Yet it feels so foreign, and it leaves me feeling really lonely. Unattached. Sorrowful.

I don't know, maybe we've been missing the point. Not that belonging and community and all that aren't important, but maybe we've been looking for the wrong things... and that's why we feel the way we do. And maybe we've been so intent on looking, that we haven't been listening... (to God, the Holy Spirit, wisdom...).

3. We can't lose hope.

The only thing worse than having no friends and no social circle... is having no hope. And I think this is exactly how the enemy wants us to think. Yes, feeling alone sitting in a room full of people is lonelier than sitting at home alone, but we must resist hopelessness. This is not the end. It may not even be up to us to figure out.

There certainly seems to be a void in our lives. A pretty dramatic one. And I'm not entirely sure taking a break was the right thing to do. Yet, oddly enough, my daily devotions have led me to some really good insights about Scripture, the Trinity, and life. I hadn't thought of it until just now, but it's been awhile since I've been able to say that.

So, in an attempt to keep this brief - because I could probably ramble for days, and I've actually been trying to write this post for weeks - I'm going to stop here. I think this is a good place to start: this is not about what anyone else is or isn't doing, we need to listen instead of merely looking, and we can't lose hope. We cannot lose hope.

I don't really know what else to do... I guess we simply have to trust that He is faithful and just and will never leave us or forsake us... So we will.