Birthdays are a funny thing. In a way, kind of like grace. Neither of them were our idea. They are both the result of someone else's plan. While we had nothing to do with them, they are ours to enjoy. Yet also ours to squander if we so choose.
We can celebrate each passing year as a gift from God, or resent it as yet more laborious curse here on earth.
We can accept God's gift of grace and live into it as a means of blessing, or deny it and believe the lie we are masters of our domain, alone.
Today I turned 57 years old. I work part-time at a super small YMCA (though it is nearly 40 hours a week most weeks). I have no status or stature in life. There are no titles, and no benefits. Yet I also live a stress-free existence and am blessed beyond measure with family and friends.
This is the first year since my mid-20's where we have had no church community. Yet we are connected to many church communities by way of acquaintance.
And, for some odd reason, this is perhaps the first year I can recall where I feel no pressure on my day of birth. I had no expectations. I have no plans. There is no one I need to please. I like that.
We considered attending the Illinois vs. Rutgers college football game today in Champaign. We even had a hotel room reserved. I decided yesterday I would rather spend the day relaxing at home. So I slept in this morning until 9 o'clock (after falling asleep in the recliner at 9 pm last night). I am still in my pajamas at noon, and have no real desire to see or do anything.
I suppose, if anything, I would like to go for a run. However I am still nursing my left knee and right ankle. It's been a month since the marathon and they are not entirely better, but I do think things are moving that way. At least I hope so.
One thing I woke up thinking about - which I heard from my friend Matt's talk yesterday - is the desire to make some vows. I haven't thought these out yet, but some things off the top of my head are...
- Smiling more often
- Looking people in the eye when I speak to them or am spoken to
- Being more 'present' with people when I am with them (paying attention)
- I have been entertaining the idea of cutting out alcohol entirely, or at least at home
- More meditation (more often during the day, rather than for longer periods of time)
- Doing high intensity workouts, more than just running/jogging
- Being more aware of presenting my minutes to God each day / being more open to His divine interruptions/intersections, as my friend Lance says
- Work at liking/respecting myself more/better (and learn better grammar)
At the moment, I am feeling fairly positive about life. I've no idea why, and it could change in a matter of minutes. I'm a little hesitant to say it out loud, but I sort of sense a corner I/we are about to turn. I don't know where it will take us or what it will involve. Maybe it's simply a matter of being hopeful. Which is a big thing. For me. I just hope no one will ruin it with expectations. I still can't handle those very well.
Anyway, here's to another year. Starting today.
Peace out; and in.
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