There's a hole...

I can’t even finish the line. No way can I listen to any of John Prine’s music today. Not yet anyway. Gah!

It’s hard to know if I knew John personally or not. Give an ear to his songs and you feel like he’s on your living room couch spending a lazy afternoon. One of the best afternoon’s you’ve ever had too.

I’m just kind of over this stay-at-home-pandemic-coronavirus-covid-19 thing. My emotional state is roller coaster enough, the spikes seem to be getting more jagged by the day. One day I’m feeling hopeful, the next despair.

John Prine died last night. The night before Passover. I kind of feel like life is being passed over at the moment, and the plague is on the prowl.

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I could probably go on for some time about John, his music, his influence on my life since the 1970s. It’s strange how someone you’ve never met can have such an impact on your life. I know plenty of people who did know him though, and I am so glad to hear that he was the same in person as he was in persona.

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Anyway, my mind seems lost at sea. It drifts for awhile, tosses about from time to time, and slams into shore sometimes so monotonous I forget to feel.

We have been watching some good movies at least. Last night was ‘The Giant Mechanical Man.’ I’d never heard of it – giving an indication of its lack of popularity – but it was another that resonated deep within.

I find myself wanting to use the term “track with” a lot lately. You know, like “I can really track with what you’re saying,” or “I really tracked with that movie.” The thing is, I used to HATE people that talked like that! So I don’t think I ever say it out loud, but I don’t understand why it always seems to bubble into my thoughts.

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I really wish I could get off Facebook. I must be so annoying to people. And I don’t want to be. I guess I’ve got some serious narcissistic tendencies. I simply can’t keep myself from posting there. And, seriously, YES, I want people to think I’m funny, or profound, intelligent and wise. I want people to like me. And that’s the problem. Why do I want it so bad? Why can’t I stop? Why can’t I just be??

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Here we are in the midst of Holy Week. This used to be my favorite week of the year. Maundy Thursday was my favorite high holy holiday. At least my favorite church service – not only to plan, but to participate in as well.

I saw someone post on social media “This is the lentiest Lent ever!” It sure is. We’ve all been forced to give up probably more than we ever dreamed. I imagine it won’t be long before masses are simply… giving up.

Listening to my wife’s frustration at trying to do her job right now is hard. I feel bad for her and wish I could help. People seem to have no idea what anyone else is doing or ever does. I suppose that goes both ways.

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There’s a hole. Is it a pit to avoid or a door to another dimension? Is another dimension better or worse? Will I ever be able to play or listen to music again or will silence laugh last? And what if masks become the norm – forever? Will there be designer masks, one-offs, tin-roof-shack masks that set us apart to determine our fate?

I don’t know. I’m beginning to wonder if I have ever known anything. Certainly I’ve been a fool. And I seem to want to share that with the world. Oh Geezus, wake me from this slumber.