Disappointment, expectations, and accountability

They say you should never meet your heroes. They will only disappoint you. That's probably true.

I've found myself being disappointed lately in some people I once had a great deal of respect for during my seminary and ministry days. It hurts to find out they are maybe not what I thought they were.

A great deal of my counseling in the past has dealt with learning to temper my expectations. Contentment=reality/expectations is the formula. If we lack contentment we need to either change our reality or lower our expectations.

The reality is... Facebook sucks anymore. This is where my disappointment has come from. Posts from some old seminary profs (not you, Bill) and former denominational leaders have left me... dumbfounded. How could they believe such things and share such nonsense!?! Of course it's all political in nature. Unless you factor in morality, ethics, religion, basic human decency, etc..

Which leads me to question... Is it always a matter of reality/expectations? What role does accountability play?

While it's true I may have had a tad-too-high regard for these people, I think it can also sometimes be true that we need to be held accountable for spreading misleading or downright false information.

Just the other day I had a friend - not one of the aforementioned but a "church" friend nonetheless - who shared a meme on Facebook. Someone pointed out that it wasn't true and provided the fact-check. The friend responded by saying, "I'm just sharing it." I wanted to ask him how he thought God viewed our knowingly sharing untruth. I finally talked myself into moving on instead.

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Anyway, I'm just rambling here. I have run across a couple relevant articles on the subject lately though.

• In 'How to Have Difficult Conversations When You Don't Like Conflict,' Joel Garfinkle shares these insights:
• Begin from a place of curiosity and respect, and stop worrying about being liked
• Focus on what you’re hearing, not what you’re saying
• Be direct
• Don't put it off
• Expect a positive outcome 

• In 'How To Talk To Conspiracy Theorists - and Still Be Kind,' Tanya Basu suggests:
• Always, always speak respectfully
• Go private
• Test the waters first
• Agree
• Try the "truth sandwich"
• Or use the Socratic method 
• Be very careful with loves ones
• Realize that some people don’t want to change, no matter the facts
• If it gets bad, stop
• Every little bit helps

I doubt that I will take any further action regarding the above (other than using Facebook less and less), but I'm glad I read both these articles. I also recommend them if this is something that touches a nerve for you. Because sometimes it's not enough to lower expectations. We may actually need to confront someone. Hopefully it will help and not hurt.

"Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will." (2 Timothy 2:22-26)