Why? Because it's specific! I mean, it's one thing to tell someone you you love them. It's another entirely to say 'I love you because...' It's gives an "Oh, that's what you love about me! And that. And, I never knew that! Cool!!"
Again, I am not pointing out this one instance to insinuate all the others were lesser than, or that a simple "I love you" is somehow meaningless. But do you see what I mean??
And isn't it this way with everything? If your boss tells you, "You do a nice job"... what does that tell you? A nice job at what? Everything? One thing? Is there some kind of ulterior motive here? Are they going to fire me!? It leaves you guessing.
But if your boss says, "I really appreciate that you look people in the eye when you talk to them because it shows you're sincere," or "I really appreciate how you clean the little nooks and crannies that no one even notices (unless they're dirty) because it shows you are conscientious and trustworthy"... then you have something to hang your hat on.
I imagine it's the same with raising children. I still remember being complimented on my penmanship when I was first learning to write. And it's not that I have the best, but to this day I think about it every time I pick up a pen: "This is something I do well."
Being specific with praise and/or instruction has a way of giving validation and building confidence. And who doesn't need more of that?! Imagine what kind of world we'd have if there were more of it in our relationships, workplaces, and families.
Not that I am any good at any of this... but I'd like to be.
***
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” -1 John 4:18
No comments:
Post a Comment