Whiskey library

Wouldn't that be something? A whiskey library. As far as I know, though, it only exists in my circle of friends. Two, actually. One is a blogger friend from Canada who wrote for years under the name Whiskey Prajer. The other is Bill, the librarian from Michigan.

I've tried writing about WP on several occasions, and can just never get the wording right. He was probably the first real 'writer' I ever knew. He was one of my first blogging friends from the beginning, and has probably commented on this blog (and off it) more than anyone else. That is... until the past year.

He was a regular writer on social media and otherwise, and one day it just stopped. I tried like the dickens to find out what had happened. Finally someone contacted me through my efforts and let me know. Not too long ago his wife updated me as well.

Apparently on March 29 2021 he had a "hemorrhagic stroke in his brain stem." He spent 2 months largely unconscious and wasn't expected to pull through. Over the next few months he began to breathe on his own and gain enough consciousness to be transferred from acute care to a rehab facility for low functioning individuals. He is supposedly intellectually undamaged (something called "locked in syndrome), and has recently started to spell using a computer program that responds to eye movement, as well as swallow ice chips.

I was, and still am, pretty distraught over the whole thing. Oddly enough, as with many of my "friends," we've never met. Yet we are connected on a deeper level than most of the people I've been around my whole life. I suppose you call it 'kindred spirit' or something. Anyway, I have missed him greatly these past many months.

As for Bill.... well, let's just say yesterday was a shitty day from the get-go. It was one of those where I woke up in a rage. I also had a bloody nose for most of the day. I mean, it was just uncontrollable anger at anything and everything, and not really for any particular reason. Oh, sure, once I got to work the usual things were all fucked up and there were a few select emails that really got my goad... and it was like things just kept happening.

I had actually been praying that God would please 'give me a break.' I was fairly undone and my spirit just couldn't take anymore. Then I started seeing these odd messages about my friend Bill the librarian. Turns out he had a heart attack this past weekend, and a series more while in the hospital... until he died.

We had known one another about as long as I'd known WP. Actually, we all met through this email group of fans of Jason & the Scorchers. Bill is who started the group and ran the listserve for a long time. He picked us up at the airport in Nashville once. We gave him a ride to Jason's farm once. We swapped tickets, met up a some dive club in rural Ohio, and also piggy-backed concerts off one another between the place we volunteer here in Fort Wayne and his library in Michigan. He did an annual blues series and hosted some phenomenal talent. I don't know how many times we either had someone here one night and they were there the next (or vice versa).

Anyway, not only am I fairly heartbroken over what's happened to two of my friends, but I guess mortality sometimes slaps you upside the head like that. Either one could be me!

So, I've been pretty fragile lately. Still depressed, bummed out, mind a'wanderin'... and other than occasional fits of rage, just not overly into anything. It's like feeling winter settling into your soul. I don't necessarily care for it much.

I suppose I've been making it through this by running. I'm still doing my everyday streak of 3-5 miles. I think a lot about how glad I am that I can do it, and am reminded of all the people who call me crazy for running so much. I bet WP and Bill wouldn't call me crazy!

And... that's about it. I don't not believe in God. I'm just kind of mad at him at the moment.

***

Psalm 13:1-4

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
    light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
    lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.