How I spent my two weeks off

On the first day of my two weeks off, I woke up... (to understand the context you may need to revisit Cheech & Chong's 'Sister Mary Elephant').  

I have intended to write about this for several days now. Every time I try, though, it seems I feel more and more like the poor student returning to school from summer vacation. Uh... what did I do? Where am I?

For the record, I took off work from March 8-21. I am careful to not call it a vacation, because I am not privileged to get things like paid vacation. It was two weeks I had to take off without pay... for my health. I won't even say 'mental health,' because it wasn't just mental, and, really, why is mental health somehow considered different from general health? Mostly I just needed a break. Or a new job.

When people ask where I "went" for my "vacation," I have generally been telling them I went to bed. That's pretty much what I did. I was exhausted, maybe a little depressed, and borderline burned out. So mostly I slept in each day (arising anywhere from 6-11am), woke up naturally, had some coffee, lazed around with the cat, made a good breakfast/lunch (eggs & avocado toast usually), listened to a meditation CD, went for a run, lazed around some more, and then it was about time for Jane to get home and we had supper.

I was surprised at how stressed I had actually been. It took a few days before my neck and shoulders started to relax. What maybe surprised me the most was how much BETTER I slept though. I didn't even realize it for awhile, but I was sleeping the whole night through without waking up. When I did finally wake up, I was able to ease into the day. THAT is what I miss the most! That's the rhythm my mind and body needs to relax.

Of course, I realize I have a pretty stress-free job. At least I'm paid with that in mind. For me, though, there is a great deal of anxiety in my present position. I have to go to bed early in order to get up in time to open. I am constantly paranoid about forgetting to set my alarm clock for 3:50am. I rarely sleep thru the night because I'm subconsciously paranoid about not hearing my alarm or having forgot to set it. And even at work there's the anxiety of being there by myself. What if something happens? What if I get sick? What if someone has a heart attack or some other such health issue? Yes, I know I am CPR/First Aid certified, but it's not like I actually remember any of that stuff!! I don't think some people understand the stress of not having anyone else around to ask questions or "just be there."

Anyway, for two weeks I was able to avoid all that. It was nice. I finally started to relax. I even ran my fastest two 5k times this year during the second week - without really trying (27-something). 

I guess I did do a couple things while off. Aside from buying the Theragun, I did a little work in the yard... We had one concert to work... I did my weekly meeting with my "coaching partner"... But the most satisfying thing was driving to Findlay and meeting with an old friend. He is actually the Executive Director of the denomination I used to be part of. Not only is he just a great guy and interesting to talk to, but as someone who is a realist, he is realistically hopeful and positive. THAT is what I needed most of all! Not in a happy/sappy sort of way, but more just a reassuring vibe. And it was nice to have someone in such a respected position actually talk to me as a somebody too.

Anyway, I feel somewhat rested. The first day back (Tuesday) was a little rough. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to slip back into the 'know-nothing/wash towels/clean up sweat' guy. It's getting better. I guess.

I've been getting through the days trying to focus myself with the mantra, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want" (Ps. 23). Also the Theragun massages. We'll see how it goes...

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“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” -James 1:12