More marathon thoughts

I'm still trying to collect myself after the marathon weekend. Both figuratively and literally. I have a tendency to downplay things like this, and I want to be better about acknowledging their significance - to myself more than anyone! I am truly grateful to be able to run a marathon, so here's a stab at processing the before, during, and after...

LEADING UP TO THE MARATHON

I always have some sort of dilemma or ailment as I prepare for marathons. Whether it's an injury I acquire during training, or as my mind/body adjusts when I start to taper miles toward the end.

This year I started battling what I thought were allergy issues right after my 20-mile run. Then it seemed more like a head cold with cough and congestion. Then it would get better, and then it would start over again. And I'm still dealing with it! Likely some kind of virus.

So my big concern going into this year's marathon was stamina. Would I be able to hold up physically for 26.22 miles? I wasn't sure how my breathing would be, and I wasn't expecting to have the strength I've had in previous years. I was just hoping to finish in under 5 hours, if at all.

Anyway, on race day I woke up early (like 3 or 3:30 I think). We brought our own coffee pot, but I then realized we hadn't brought coffee or filters. So Jane let me have both cups of coffee supplied with the hotel room (that's why we bring our own pot). We did remember the toaster, and I had a bagel with creme cheese.

I was still debating what to wear because who knows what the weather will be like in November. It wasn't raining at the time, but it was like 61 degrees. So I chose my gray camo shorts, a t-shirt, my thick toe socks, Brooks Ghost 14 shoes (size 9), and an old Indy Mini hat. I also wore my old pair of eyeglasses that are smaller. Normally I wear sunglasses, but there wasn't going to be any sun today. I stuck 5 GU gels in my shorts pockets.

It started raining as we headed for my Wave D starting corral. Great! Fortunately I'd bought a $1.19 poncho and put that on. I'm glad I had it. We seemed to mill around for quite awhile in the wind and rain and dark as other groups started.

THE RACE

Once I was able to squeeze into my corral at the starting line I tried to get into a zone mentally. I wanted to savor the moment and try to enjoy the fact I was there. I love this point of races, but it was a chore in these conditions... and there were soooooooooo many people (I think around 14,000).

As we finally started moving there's always that mix of elation and fear. Who knows what's going to transpire over the next several hours? Will there be highs? Will I make a friend? Will I laugh? Or will I get an injury, pass out, or find myself stranded in a strange place and not able to get back? Not finishing is always a very real possibility, especially on days like this, and I never go into a marathon feeling confident. Too much can go wrong.

Anyhow, here's a bit of a rundown (as much as I can recall now two weeks later):

• The first few miles were not great. The rain was annoying, as was the poncho. I sort of got squeezed into a mud puddle at mile 4, and it immediately sobered my spirit. I knew then bad things were likely to happen.
• At mile 5 I was so hot. I felt my shirt under the poncho and I was soaking wet from the humidity. I took the plastic drape off me and carried it for awhile until I could find a garbage can. It was probably around this time that I also realized I'd run past a number of downtown sites with no awareness. The weather seemed to be winning.
• Somewhere along the next few miles I started to feel uneasy. I thought I saw some runners turn off and go down a different street. I didn't see any markings and started to worry maybe the course wasn't marked well. I began checking everyone's bib to see if there were other marathoners in the group still. I saw a lot of half-marathon people, and finally saw a couple other blue marathon bibs.
• All the distractions had me running faster than I wanted to go. Of course, then I started to think maybe I could set a new personal best time. It didn't last long.
  
• I think it was near 34th street when we first had issues with cars on the course. Someone with a handicap sticker just pulled out and was driving in the street full of runners. People were banging on the side of the car and yelling and they finally turned off on another street. There were a couple more places where people were trying to pull out onto the street. Towards the end I'm pretty sure I heard two accidents between cars.
  
• Finally at like the 7.5-mile point I saw where the half and full marathon split. I was relieved that I'd caught it.
  
• We seemed to run right alongside traffic on some heavily-traveled streets. I did not like that. I was also never sure when cars were honking at us if it was to cheer for us, or let us know how annoyed they were. There were lots of annoyed drivers at intersections all along the course.
• Around mile 10 I felt the first signs of a blister on my right foot, and my mood took a downturn. I began to wonder if I would be able to finish.
• I wasn't very familiar with the course, but I know we started downtown, went slightly south past the dome and back through the monument circle, then headed north. I think the turnaround point may have been near the Broadripple area. Once we turned back south it was all kind of a blur. So much wind. I don't know if it rained anymore or not, but the wind was just terrible. At one point I recall a group of us trying to run, all holding our hats with our heads down (lots of hats were blown off along the way), and it was like we collectively just all stopped running at the same time. There was no point. We walked together a ways, in silence, and then one by one started shuffling back into a run. It was not a joyous time.
• I do remember going through the Butler University campus (I think) and the White Pines State Park. The streets/pathways were not super nice in some spots.
• I recall finally reaching the halfway point and thinking I was glad I'd made it that far, but I couldn't imagine doubling it. I began breaking the remaining miles into smaller increments.
  
• I took another gel at mile 14 and focused on just getting to mile 16. Then it was focusing on 18. Then 20. At that point I just tried to make it another mile at a time. I was spent.
• I walked more in this marathon than any of the previous. I guess it's a good thing I ran the first part faster than anticipated. Several times when I took a walk break I wasn't sure if I'd be able to start again.
  
• There were a few people I began to recognize along the way. We had been taking turns passing each other. I followed one lady who reminded me of Jane for a long time - at one point picking up her hat that had blown off and giving it back to her. I finally passed her for the last time about mile 23 or so.
• There was a group of young guys that all had matching shirts. They seemed to enjoy it up to around mile 21, then I didn't see them again.
• A couple people were trying to encourage others with a more military-like style (at least I guess that's what they were doing). No one seemed too interested.
• One guy I passed several times and he ran so stinking smooth. I tried following him for awhile because I wanted to emulate his form, but he was going a bit too slow. 
• Oh, and I forget where it was - somewhere in a residential neighborhood - someone's dog got loose and started running with us. He was having the best ol' time. It was funny.
• I remember one particular woman who was crying in pain. And there were 2 or 3 old guys laying along the route with emergency personnel tending to them. I suppose one day that will be me. It has to be so disappointing.
• I think I ran from mile 23 on without walking. I wanted to stop so bad several times, but at that point I thought I could beat 4:45 if I kept going. A lot of people didn't. There seemed to be so many defeated-looking walkers towards the end. I was just trying to keep my groove going. I had a slow rhythmic shuffle and I was afraid to alter it for fear I'd be done. I tried blocking out the guy on the ground at mile 25. He didn't look good and I'm glad an ambulance was there.
• As we got near the downtown area again there were more people lining the streets. On the last turn before the finish line straightaway I felt someone coming up on my left. It was the 4:45 pacer!! I said "oh shit" out loud and mustered all the energy I had to stay in front of her. 
• About 50 meters out from the end I finally saw/heard Jane and a group of new friends she'd made. I think that is perhaps the biggest smile I've ever smiled while running a marathon. I was sooooo glad I was almost there. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it.
• I reached the finish line and the clock was just under 4:45 (4:43:50 officially). Some guy that looked like maybe he was important fist bumped me. Then I tried to find a medal and a water.
•  When I stopped my watch it said I'd went 26.59 miles. I don't recall the time.
• Jane was able to locate me from outside the gate and we headed to a spot where she could enter.
• About all I remember beyond that is how tired and sore I was. My legs and feet hurt. Worse than I recall ever having felt before. I was trying to focus on staying upright.
• After Jane came into the finisher area we got some snacks, and a hat. I tried sitting on the curb but that didn't help a lot. We had one beer, and a free piece of Dominoes pizza. Then I started to get cold so we headed to our room. 
  

POST-RACE

Once I was inside I just wanted to take a warm shower and lay on the bed. I did, and gradually started getting over the grossness of this race and appreciating what had happened.

I do have to say - and maybe I have - while this was the most excruciating of any run I've ever had, it may also have been the most satisfying. It was a chore. A real struggle. And I was able to persevere. I've never seen so many people giving up at the end. I was not one of them.

And... now...

I have not run since (11/5). I'm still dealing with this stinking virus/cold/whatever. Worse, though, is my right foot. It wasn't until after I mowed the lawn the Monday after the marathon that it really hurt. And it really hurts! I don't know if it's the mid-foot arthritis, a bone fracture, tendons, or what. I've been using Voltaren arthritis cream for about a week now. I don't know if it's helping or not. I was hoping it may just go away, but looks like I might need to visit a doctor of some sort. There are moments where I completely forget about it and feel nothing, then the next moment I almost fall to the ground and can't put any weight on it. It's not fun.

Hopefully the foot is fixable, but I am currently trying to face the reality maybe I won't ever be able to run again. I'm not sure what I will do if that's the case. 

So...... yeah, that was too long. Sorry. It was a thing. I hated it. I loved it. I hope it never ends.