Questions

Sometimes I feel like I say the same things over and over. I mean, I talk to a lot of people. I greet everyone as they enter and leave my workplace. I've made many "friends." At least as much as we talk about the weather, or sports, or share things we did or are going to do on the weekend and whatnot.

I enjoy talking with people like that sometimes (though it's also sometimes a struggle because my mind wants to be elsewhere). However, it seems like there's never much depth to these conversations. They don't go anywhere.

Well, I stumbled across this insightful article 'How To Ask Good Questions' by Lee Suksi. I don't know that it helped me learn HOW to ask good questions so much, but it was packed full of them. I think some of these could be helpful in getting past the fluff and benefit not only me but the other person as well (although some are obviously meant for different situations).

Here are some I want to try to remember...

• Are you better at working or relaxing?
• What do you love about yourself? (maybe the toughest for me)
  
• What helps you listen?
• What is easier for you, forgiving or apologizing? (insightful)
  
• What craving do you deny yourself?
• Would you live alone, given the chance?
• Are you more often bored or overwhelmed?
• Is it easier for you to make yourself happy or make someone else happy?
• Are you more sensitive to news or fiction?
• Which is more important to you when you dance, connecting with others or expressing yourself?
• Which comes more naturally to you, gratitude or generosity?

(Five questions that allow uncertainty)

• Do you often forgo transparency for kindness?
• What's the scariest question you could ask your partner or friends? (ah, this is a tough one)
  
• Do you have a secret you will never tell?
• What do you most love about yourself that's hard to share with others?
• What's the easiest thing that someone could do that would help you the most? (my favorite!!)
  

 (Five questions to go deeper)

• What are you feeling right now?
• What time of day do you listen best?
• Whom do you most want answers from?
• How do you react when you don't get an answer?
• Who makes you feel most heard?
  

One thing I thought of while reading through these... I much prefer to be asked, "How are you feeling?" rather than "How are you doing?" How I'm doing is too relative (how am I doing compared to what/when?). How I am feeling digs into the reality of the moment.

 

Also, as you may have noted, my favorite questions is "What's the easiest thing that someone could to that would help you the most?" I knew the answer to that right away! For me it's some combination of simply smiling, to telling me what you like about me, to merely saying, "Dan, you're okay." Of course, now YOU can't do that, because I'll know you're just trying to please me. ;) But it should at least tell you something about me, and maybe others.

 

Well, like I said, I hope to be able to recall some of these not only for the brief interactions I have with strangers and acquaintances throughout the day, but also to get to know some people better... and maybe even myself!