Brake, break, broke

Hello? Is there anybody out there? (Asking in a 'Comfortably Numb-ish' voice - though not in the same way as Floyd)...

Yes, I am still here. 

I hit the brakes pretty hard a couple weeks ago. I have had to take a break from several things. And... some things got broke along the way.

It's not all bad.

BRAKE

There must be something about me and July that doesn't work well. It seems the later summer gets, the more stressful it is. I first noticed this way back when I was pumping ethyl during my high school days. Travelers frazzled with the end of vacation season and the impending start of school activities again can do strange things to people.

It was also late July ten years ago that the one and only church I served as a pastor told me I was not welcome back after my supposed three-month sabbatical. In July of 2017 I left my job as a self-storage manager. And, on July 10th of this year I worked my last day with the Y.

Honestly, I don't even remember what happened. I went to work Monday morning just like any other. But it had been a rough week/weekend leading up to the 10th. At some point during the day I was walking out with all my stuff. I was done. Hard stop.

BREAK

I am fortunate to have some great friends, and one phenomenal wife who helped me navigate some deep waters there for a bit... and I am taking a much needed break from a number of things.

We are lucky in that we have medical insurance through Jane's job. I cannot imagine people who don't. Actually, I CAN imagine! It's not good. Why is this still a thing in the USA?? It's stupid and inhumane that so many basic needs are wrapped up in submitting to the capitalist machine! Anyway, while I will need to work again from a financial standpoint (I'm not retired yet), I can go for a bit without, and there are other ways of getting by.

I've also gotten away from Facebook/social media, and a few other things that needed to go.

BROKE

Mostly, I had to admit I am a broken person. Try as I might, I struggle to fit into this world. My mind works different, my moods, outlook, even my heart... while physically strong, it can be overcome by things no one else notices sometimes. 

I realize many consider me weak. I most certainly am. Yet, I am learning to recognize it as a great gift and to embrace who I am and what I have to offer. For that I am thankful.

So, while I still have a number of things to work through, I say all this to let the few of you who read here know... I'm doing... okay. Not great. In many ways it's like learning to walk again. But sometimes getting back to that one-step-at-a-time mindset is not a bad place to be.

I've been reading (Shane Claiborne's 'Rethinking Life' was so good, and I'm just getting into Scot McKnight's 'Revelation for the Rest of Us'), I've started regularly meditating again to this "Breathing Jesus" piece (from here), I am still training for a fall marathon, and I'm getting a number of things done around the house. Mostly I'm just trying to be me, and be okay with that.

I greatly appreciate the support, concern, and continued prayers and good thoughts. 

Here are a couple things for you to ponder today:

'The Resistance' - Josh Garrels

"The power of a fully lived life or a truly learned mind is not a power to be sought or contrived. It comes only as we let go of what we possess and find ourselves possessed by a truth greater than our own." - Parker Palmer