So long 350 (next play)

"Whatever you have just done is not nearly as important as what you are doing right now." - Coach Mike Krzyzewski

I drove by the old workplace this morning. It was 7:30am and the sun still wasn't up. It hit me that this was THREE HOURS AFTER I used to drive there every day of the week. 3:50am was such an unnatural time to wake up and hustle out the door to be at work. I don't miss it, and don't think I could ever do it again!

The reason I drove by there this morning was because I'm in that place where I realize I do need to do something though. For starters, I'd really like to lift some weights. The easiest way for me to do this is the egym system at my old workplace. I don't want to see a lot of people, so I thought I would drive by and see if it was still super slow around 7:30-8. It was this morning. So that may be an option a couple days a week.

Then I started thinking about 'what else'? I can't just mill around the house all day. Well, I can, but I don't want to. And even though I've been fairly busy, I lack a plan or structure. Yet my anxiety is such that I don't know if I'm capable of getting an actual job just now. So what else can I do??

Toastmasters

One option is to try to find a toastmasters group. It might help me overcome the anxiety problem, while also helping with public speaking (which is helpful regardless of what one does because, ultimately, we all have to speak 'publicly' in some way, shape or form). 

Managing Anxiety

Another thing I should probably do is read a bit about how to handle anxiety. Sure, I could probably get some Ativan from my doctor, but that's likely to create other issues. I'm not stupid, and I bet there are all kinds of books and such on the subject. I just need to make it a point.

Counseling

I probably should have went this route when I was still working (and it was available for free). A friend (actually, my former supervisor) suggested this yesterday and I appreciated him taking the risk to do so. I recognized that it was a big move by him, and therefore something he'd probably thought a lot about. I need some positive feedback, and that's something I'm not capable of giving myself (and I'm not really surrounded by feedback-oriented people). This is something I need to do.

That's a good place to start. I appreciated this article 'How To Think Faster, Talk Smarter, and Shine When the Pressure Is On' for generating some ideas and inspiration. It's where I snagged the Coach K quote, and "next play" mindset, was reminded of the 'What, So What, Now What' approach, as well as the need to re-read the Jane Avery book on coaching.

Feeling sorry for myself for being such a loser doesn't really help anyone. Especially me! What am I doing now is the better question. I'm not even concerned about making money just yet (though that would be really nice), but simply being a part of society in some way is more important. Hopefully it doesn't involve getting out of bed at 3:50 every morning ever again though!