Afib appearance

I know I've said before that there's something freeing in realizing we don't really have any control... but, dangit, this was discouraging!

For the first time since the first few days after the ablation I had a full blown AFib episode again yesterday. My heart still skips a beat from time to time, but this was the first high and totally random heart rate void of any rhythm. And for no apparent reason! 

I'd had a few restless nights of sleep (or lack thereof) lately - which is nothing out of the ordinary - but Monday night I actually slept the night through and didn't even get up to pee - not even once! I felt so good and rested yesterday morning. I actually skipped my normal workout because I seem to have tweaked something in my elbow, so instead of the usual weights I read an extra chapter in a book. I was dinking around in the afternoon and finally showered and got ready to pick Jane up and go to the kids' track meet, and I just felt a little "weird." I checked my pulse and it was all over the place... Ugh.

The episode lasted for a few hours and finally things straightened out but... I was just kind of bummed. I know I'm still within the 90-day window where this can happen occasionally, but I'm getting close to when they determine if the ablation worked or not. I just thought things were going okay, and this really sucked the air out of me.

I went to the track meet, but wasn't really there. Afterward we went to a Tincaps game where we were in a suite with some of Jane's co-workers. I couldn't even tell you who was there. I didn't talk to anyone. Pretty much just stared into space trying to look like I was watching the game. 

I don't know... I'm fine today. I did 7 miles this morning and things are running smoothly. It's just... I don't know... Is this what it's always going to be like? Am I never going to know what might happen at any given moment of any given day? Will I forever have to wonder???

Yeah... I suppose that's life. I guess it's like The Cat in the Hat said: "It's fun to have fun, but you have to know how."

Someday I'd like to learn how.