The un-welcome mat (where are you)

To be clear... this is not a complaint (at least I don't intend for it to be). It is a reflection, perhaps lament, and confession. I'm not asking for a response, reaction, or remedy. This is a baring-of-soul exercise... to process healing (hopefully).

Our church goes out of it's way to try to make people feel welcome. They say it a LOT. They spend a great deal of time at the beginning of each gathering telling people they are welcome. There are also a few who make it a point to say how much they love "everyone." 

Now, those are good things. Churches should put effort into welcoming people and loving people. The problem is... when it is only said with words, but not really shown through actions. 

You know how it feels. "We want you to feel welcome... so please come in, sit down, and let us -- perform for you." In other words, "We want you to feel welcome, but we're not really going to INCLUDE YOU in anything. Just watch; listen; learn." That part is not said, but is often what's behind the words. "Oh, sure, you can sing along; you can take communion; heck, we'll even let you clean up afterwards (this is a good way to show you're really committed to us)... but don't even think about being a greeter, or part of the music ministry, or <insert any number of "spiritual gifts" you may feel you have>."

Okay, you get the idea, right? The idea is: Yes, I am mad; because I don't feel included.

Can you feel "welcome" without feeling "included"? I don't think so. The same goes with feeling loved. You can't tell people you love them when you don't even know their name! Sure, you can care about them. You can love that they're there. But if you don't KNOW THEM, can you really love them? That feels cheap. Like prostitution.

So, that's how I feel. And I don't like it. And it's not even that I don't like the people doing it. I really do like them! I want to like them! But the truth is... I'm mad... because I feel totally disconnected from them. And I'm tired of hearing those words, but walking into church, sitting through the service, and walking back out... and not having a single person say anything to us personally!

I long for connection, and telling me that I'm welcome and loved while at the same time ignoring me... feels more like a slap in the face.

Of course, I'm also mad at myself. Why can't I just get over it? Why do I have to be so "older brother" (in the Prodigal Son story)? What's my problem? Why am I so sensitive? Why can't I just 'go to church' like everyone else???

Well, because I'm hurting; and lonely; and.... human.

I was reminded this morning of Genesis 3, after Adam and Eve have eaten from the forbidden fruit, and God comes looking for them. "Where are you?" he asks.

Where are you?

I love that. Does God sometimes just want to know where we're at -- maybe not location-wise, but state-of-mind-wise? Like, tell me what you're thinking, Dan? How do you really feel? Even if you're not in a great place (or maybe especially if you're not in a great place!).

THAT, my friend, sounds like love to me; like someone creating a welcoming space where we can be known.  

And that's what I'm writing about today. I am here, God. Mad - at the world and myself; feeling alone; left out; and wanting to feel like I matter. Thank You, for asking.

 

Again, I am not asking for feedback or any type of response here (other than from God). However, I do recommend this exercise. Perhaps as a journaling prompt: "Where are you?"