For crying out loud

Why is it so embarrassing to cry out loud (in front of others)?

I'm not entirely sure why I've been so emotional lately. My eyes will well up at the simplest of things, and, sometimes for no apparent reason at all. It feels weird, but... not in a bad way. It seems to me it's a good thing...

I suppose some of it has to do with my recent interest in David Foster Wallace. I am not at all comparing myself to him, but I somehow feel like I "get" some of the things he talked/wrote about.

The other night we watched 'The End of the Tour,' the 2015 movie starring Jason Segel and Jesse Eisenberg. It's based on David Lipsky's 2010 memoir 'Although of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself,' which is about a five-day road trip he had with Wallace.

Anyway, I was holding back tears (not so well) before we even hit play. I loved the movie.

Then we listened to Wallace's 'This Is Water' commencement address from 2005 (Youtube; transcript). I've heard it at least a dozen times. Same thing. 

Then... It seems one of the times I am most emotional is during certain songs at church. I just can't sing. It would get ugly.

And I wonder how many people around me are feeling the exact same thing... and what would happen if we all just stopped trying to hide it?

Reading Tim Ferriss' accounts of his struggles got me again last night (Some Practical Thoughts on Suicide, and My Healing Journey After Childhood Abuse)...

And, again, sometimes it just happens... whenever, for no apparent reason (like right now).

Anyway, there's no real point here. Other than... you know... maybe as a simple act of resistance. Like, the fuckers aren't going to harden my heart!!!

Maybe the world needs more tears right now...

You know? 

I dunno.

 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23 (RSV)