Two kinds of empathy; and memory

I'm over halfway through Adam Young's incredible book 'Make Sense of Your Story: Why Engaging Your Past With Kindness Changes Everything.' There are so many good and useful things (even though I had already heard most of it at his two-day seminar by the same name).

I was intrigued by his piece on two kinds of empathy in chapter 6 (Naming What is Most True About Your Story). 

As you may or may not be aware, political conservatives were throwing a fuss about empathy not too long ago... and it either included conservative Christians or was inferred to include - I can't really keep up. Anyway, apparently maga people were saying having empathy was weak/bad/wrong... or something like that. Well, regardless, that's not what this is about (You're welcome).

In this particular chapter he begins talking about Mind Mapping (as well as Traumatic Mind Mapping). Young uses the terms Mind Mapping and Empathy interchangeably. This is his definition:

"Empathy is the human capacity to know and understand another person's emotions and thoughts."

Now, when most of us think of empathy, we tend to think of compassion. But they are not the same thing. Compassion is concern for another person's suffering... and it's possible to have empathy without having compassion.

This is where he notes two types of empathy:

1. Compassionate Empathy is when you mind map someone, realize what they are feeling and thinking, and feel care and concern for their pain (what most of us think of as empathy).
2. Antisocial Empathy is a term coined by therapist David Schnartch in his book Brain Talk, in which you mind map someone, realize what they are feeling and thinking, and use that information to wound them. Bullies have antisocial empathy. That's how they prey on you.

This sort of blew my mind (as have many other things in the book - it's so good)...

Young then moves from this into the TWO LAYERS OF MEMORY we have: Implicit Memory and Explicit Memory. 

Again, when most of us think of the word 'memory,' we're thinking of explicit memories. When you recall information from a previous point in time. This begins developing around twenty-four months of age.

Implicit Memory, however, is operational before you even come out of the womb. To recall something in explicit memory, you had to be paying attention. Implicit memories are created whether you are paying attention or not! There is no sensation that you are remembering something. Implicit memory is about the "feel" of things. It's a sense. For instance, when you see a stray dog, you may instantly become afraid and panic. Your body has recalled a bad experience with a dog. Yet, someone else may have a very different reaction, because they've had different experiences. You didn't think "I need to panic" (or not panic), you just did it.

This can be true of any enjoyable or uncomfortable situation we may find ourselves in. We don't have to actively recall what happened... we implicitly know inside ourselves, and may not even be aware of why we feel the way we do.

For instance, someone may feel like - or seem to others - to be overreacting to a situation. And perhaps you don't even know why you're overreacting yourself. It could very well be because there is no explicit memory associated with it, but there IS an implicit memory. This is where doing story work can be helpful in learning to understand who we are...

Okay, that was way more than I intended to get into. I am finding it all quite interesting, to say the least. And... today I read about engaging your sexual story. If you thought empathy was interesting, you should read this chapter! ;)