Preaching...

Yesterday I spoke at our Sunday service again. Oof. I'm glad it's over. Again.

I suppose it went fine. I mean, I survived... no one threw anything at me... no one cussed at me... no animals were harmed and nothing got broke (at least I don't think so). 

Still... ugh. 

I didn't sleep very well the night before - which I think had more to do with what I'd eaten for supper than nerves about speaking. But it made me nervous, because I wasn't sure how/if my stomach would cooperate. 

That part went fine. The part that didn't... I don't know... it's hard to explain. 

I'd been working on this sermon for way too long. I thought I was suppose to share in June, or July, or sometimes before the last Sunday in August. So, I had too much time to prepare. Which, naturally, meant I didn't really settle on what I was going to say in particular until too late. Also, I didn't really go over it very much the few days before. 

I felt kind of unsettled - for lack of a better word I can think of - as I delivered it. 

And... two people got up and walked out right as I started to share. I felt my heart drop a bit, and it took way too much energy from me to not let it get to me... which means it got to me.

The space where we meet - which is actually a Methodist church sanctuary - has all glass across the back. So when I'm up front speaking to the audience, I can see what's happening in the foyer and even outside - since the doors and walls leading outside are all glass too. It can be very distracting to me when people are out in the foyer. Even more so when I see them walk out of the sanctuary, and then leave the building. My mind wanders and I wonder why they left, what were they thinking, was it me, something I said or did... or did it have nothing to do with me at all?

Anyway, I left out some big hunks of my manuscript, I rearranged parts of it on the fly (and not well), and I added some bits here and there. I wasn't very happy with it.

And that doesn't really bother me so much. I knew it was not my best effort going in. Maybe that's why the two people who left made it hurt so much worse.

I don't know.

Anyway, this morning I started reading Andrew Arndt's substack post for today (https://theandrewarndt.substack.com/p/20-years-in-miscellany-and-meanderings?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web). In it he had this little ditty about Yo-Yo Ma:

 I heard Yo-Yo Ma say once that he approaches his concerts not as performances but as acts of hospitality. The goal is to use the music to open up a generous, life-giving space for all to feast and enjoy.

I like that. THAT is what I would like my preaching to be like... opening up a generous, life-giving space for all the feast and enjoy. What a way to enter into communion, eh?

So... there ya have it. That's all I've got to say today.

I will try to remember to insert the Youtube link here when I receive it later this week: __________