Aqualung, my friend

I used to listen to this Jethro Tull album over and over and over. Ahh, the memories. I always thought it was a very artsy album.

I have to admit though, I don't have a clue what "aqualung" means. Sounds like some kind of fish or something. But it makes me think about my friend who passed away last year from lung cancer (among other cancers). I miss him. Our church misses him. I took him way too much for granted. He had a great servants heart. Something I lack. I am self-centered. I have trouble breathing if I get crowded by too many people. My lungs need air. I need space... time... Or, at least I think I do. That is how I function best.

My son stayed up late last night talking to Jane and I about his "girlfriend." He didn't know if he should break up with her or not, and it was complicated by the fact that he wasn't really even sure if they were boyfriend/girlfriend. They had went out before, then broke up, then decided they would kind of go out, but take it real slow. But that is hard. Plus the fact that they have completely different friends and interests. I don't think she stimulates him emotionally. And Isaac is probably too much like me. A simply complicated individual. Cursed by a big heart but a hard time living by it. Open but afraid. Fearless but tentative. The ultimate in contradiction/confliction. I wish I knew what to tell him. He is a good boy/man.

Well, not much today. I met with a pastor friend. there used to be three of us, but one broke up with us last week. He just couldn't stand to meet with us anymore after doing it for 5 years. I think he is mad at me, because I refused to tell him what he wanted to hear; plus I did tell him some things that I thought were downright wrong of him to do, say, think. He is a dangerous man - not just dangerous thinker. I worry about him, because I believe he doesn't have peace with himself and with God, and that is a dangerous person to put in a pulpit. Animosity, bitterness, and anger do not mix well with God's grace and love.

But wht do i know about God's grace and love. I feel guilty this week for not doing much. For spending time reading and on the computer. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.

Aqualung, my friend, teach me to breathe underwater. Teach me to swim through dark places and emerge where I should. Teach me.