In my post from yesterday it could appear that I was displeased with the church I am a part of. I just wanted to clarify that that is not the case. I was venting frustrations I am having with myself. As I stated, I am not opposed to people going on vacations - I do; I know people have things that come up; I know there will be times in life when the 'Sunday morning thing' just doesn't work out; I know not everyone feels the same way about gathering in community as I do. I know that no one is perfect anymore than I am. I know, I know, I know...
My frustration is with me as a leader. My frustration is with the way I have chosen to "do" church. And my blog posts are usually real to a fault. But there is also a lot of sarcasm, tongue-in-cheek, innuendo, Seinfeld-ish stuff too. If you're the type of person who takes everything very literally... you're a gonna have problems with me.
The fact is, I like my particular church very much. But every church has problems. I don't care how big or how small. The only difference is which kind of problems you have. So I'm not complaining about the problems. I'm just venting some frustration. I have always tried to be very intentional about seeing to it that our church is a place where someone who is unfamiliar or uncomfortable with "regular" church can come and feel this is a safe place to explore a relationship with God. In fact, I have had people tell me we are not a "real" church - and I think they meant that in the best of ways. We are not big on institutionalism or protocol, but simply regular people doing our best to follow Jesus. I LOVE that about our church. And we have some great people here. That doesn't mean we don't have problems though. One of our big ones is that we are short on leaders. The few of us who do so work and try very hard, and sometimes it causes us to think and do some stupid things (like my post yesterday). I don't fault anyone for that, but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated. I actually wish people would fail more often. At least that means they're trying. I even remember giving a prize once for the person who had the biggest blunder.
Anyway, this post is going nowhere fast too. I just didn't want anyone to think I was dissing on the people in my church. I love them very much. I hope they know that - although it's probably been awhile since I've told them. However, that doesn't mean I don't wish for better, and that doesn't mean I don't question my place and position here now and then, and that doesn't mean I'm not going to get depressed and feel like a failure sometimes. So... there ya go.
Peace out; peace in.
17 comments:
"I actually wish people would fail more often."
Well, I just got a "yellow letter" from the occupational clinic saying I've been randomly selected for drug testing again... I'll see what I can do for ya. After that trip to the Steel Mill Bar on Saturday, who knows what I've got in my system.
Ha! You should get Jane to pee in your cup. She's probably still got some morphine in her system. They'd be all like, "Wow, no wonder our IT guy is so good!"
I've heard of people borrowing a cup of SUGAR... but...
Hey now, I never said I would volunteer for such a thing as this! :)
then I won't even mention the stool sample.
My advice is: don't vent in a public forum like this about your church or anything else you don't want to be public knowledge. It's a common mistake among teenagers, but you are old enough to know better. We all have frustrations, but in your position (as a pastor), public venting is not in anyone's best interest. I don't go to your church; I don't even know where it is, nor do I know anyone involved in your church, but I found your blog. If I could find it that easily, anyone can. Being sensible doesn't mean you aren't "real".
Felicia (anonymous),
Do you think I'm trying to hide my blog? There ARE people in my church who read it. I have nothing to hide from them.
My advice to you is: if you don't know what you're talking about, maybe you should keep your mouth shut.
I didn't walk into the middle of the movie, and I try to be very authentic with people, but I will admit I found the post... uncomfortable. It felt like a conversation I would have in a quieter place. My two-cents.
Well, let's see, the previous Saturday I find out that my daughter is sick in another state (where she lives). My wife is with her, but early Sunday morning I get a call that they're taking my wife to the emergency room in unbearable pain (still in another state). Then, one by one, the people who are supposed to help with the worship service that's about to start either call and say they aren't coming, or they just didn't show up at all. Granted, it wasn't the end of the flippin world, but it was fairly stressful for me.
Then my wife has surgery, and the following Sunday lets just say there were several other things WHICH I DIDN'T FEEL IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO SHARE that happened, and I had just about had it.
So, if it made you feel uncomfortable, I am sorry. But last I checked this was my damn blog, and I was feeling mighty freaking uncomfortable myself. If I didn't explain myself well, I guess that's unfortunate. If my blogging is turning people away from the kingdom of God, then I should probably be shot.
I guess it's a good thing I am ordained in a denomination that doesn't really give a crap about anything. Otherwise I'd probably have to ask if you wanted fries with that!
I'm not Felicia. I happened upon your blog while searching for something else, purely by accident. I don't know what your church teaches, but your very public negative comments about it and some of the people would make me steer clear. I have relatives who have been in church work for years. Pastors, especially, are held to a higher standard. You may not like it, but that is how it is. I'd say you need to find a better way to deal with the frustrations of life that beset us all in a less public manner.
Why don't you get started "steering clear" by LEAVING, ASSHOLE!
hmm... I'm sure there's a biblical reference for that, but it escapes me at the moment.
Anyway, Dan, can you shut off the anonymous posts or something... we need to filter this noise.
Dear Anonymous,
You know what, i personally think that the loud rock music in church with a light show and a video backdrop is very offensive and it doesn't put me in the frame of mind to worship. To me, it is just a show. And you know what, most "successful" churches like to talk about how cool there show is.
Lucky for me, i go to a church where a sincere man gets up front with his guitar and a mic, his wife on piano, and one of the nicest ladies I know on vocals.
Lucky for me, there is something out there for everyone. And just because I find offense to a popular "worship band", doesn't mean that it doesn't lead people to Christ. And just because you find this post uncomfortable doesn't mean that it doesn't do something for someone else. As far as I'm concerned, if you think you understand what makes a pastor a good one and what doesn't, you are being sadly misled.
For some people, it's not enough to have a pastor who appears not to have any problems. It's not enough for everyone to have a pastor who speaks as if he has all the answers. It's not enough for everyone to have this stranger stand up in front of the group and tell us how to live because he has more faith in Jesus than we could and even if we struggle in our faith, we can ask him how to live right because he has everything figured out.
To some, this blog, this pastor's blog, this human being's blog, this imperfect person's blog, this Christian's blog, this frustrated man's blog is exactly what we feel is missing in the Church.
The Church I go to is a safe place. A place where I can say that I don't get 'it' and I have a pastor who will stand beside me and say that sometimes he doesn't get 'it' either. But that's not the point. The point is that we are there together, as a community and we openly and honestly share with each other how we feel and we try and support each other and lift each other up (even if we just do this on the internet). We learn together how we are to be like Christ and don't tell each other that we are wrong for our feelings.
Not all of us are blessed with the ability to share our feelings with others face to face. Not all of us are okay with laying on our emotions on the table. So for some of us, we have a blog. It creates an outlet in which we can vent our frustrations with this life we are trying to live.
We don't force anyone to listen. Writing is therepeutic and sometimes it's not enough to write things in a book, close the book and leave it on the table. Sometimes we want to throw things out there into this world wide web in the hopes that someone will find it and relate to how we feel.
People from my church do read this blog of their pastor's. And it probably makes a lot of people uncomfortable. It probably pisses a lot of them off. But I have yet to see someone who is part of our community sign on here and make my dad feel like shit. I'm sure some of them do a good enough job of that over the phone or in his office (and I'm sure i've done enough of it as his daughter). Not all pastor's are people-persons and that is a good thing because not all believers are people-persons.
We are each different. And for that reasons different kinds of churches and different kinds of religious leaders exist. The bottom line is we believe in Christ and the life he has asked us to live.
We have accepted that we are not perfect and that sometimes things just suck. I am saddened when people think that for some reason their pastor lives above reality.
My pastor is a holy man, a man trying to live as Christ lived and it is encouraging to me, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, that he is able to voice his frustration with life in this way.
If I did not work with the group of people I work with my blog would very similarly mirror this one. This author of this blog, unfortunately or not, works a lone in his building each day (minus the presence of God and occasionally an awkward dog). And sometimes sitting alone in your office can be really hard.
Whether this was a good post or not is none of our business. The beautiful thing about blogspot.com is that each individual is able to write what he or she chooses.
So shame on you for trying to censor him.
Preach on brother (father)! You are an asset to the Kingdom.
I just feel the need to say that Fairview is not perfect. Some times when I get there the regular coffee is out. And sometimes it smells funny by the high school sunday school room.
Also, the pastor and his wife frequent Applebee's and the people there are just weird and they're starting to rub off on the pastor and his wife (referencing comments relating to urine). This part is a joke - I happen to enjoy Applebee's quite a bit and the people there seem to be pretty normal. But the urine thing was definitely weird.
I deal with uncomfortableness with humor and sarcasm - wonder where I got that?
And sorry I said the s-word but earlier this week I had a discussion with a co-worker about the FACT that sometimes 4 letter words get the point across much more so then 3 and 5 letter words.
Plus, it was easy to spell and we all know I struggle in that department.
aawwww! You said the s word.
I'm tellin'.
...she said the s word. (point)
Well you said the bad version of 'donkey-butt'.
And if you tell on me i'm gonna tell on you!
Neener-neener!!!
I really have nothing more to say here. I think Carrie and MR summed up nicely, thank you.
I will say... yes, it's unfortunate that I shared what I did. As I said, I hate it when I get depressed. I'm sure anonymous thinks pastors should never be depressed (because he/she IS an expert on how they should be). I wish I never got frustrated, I wish I could always deal with things in a way that met everyone's expectations. But I also know it's never a good idea to kick a dog when it's down, or to throw gasoline on a fire.
So... whatever, ya know.
Sorry you misunderstood. I never said pastors shouldn't get depressed or frustrated or angry. They do and often. I mean that it's not helpful to anyone to vent in a very, very public forum like a blog. You never know who might be reading and what kind of picture of you and your church you might be painting. In all honesty, you might be a wonderful pastor and your church might be a great place. That is just not the impression this blog gives. Just a bit of "motherly advice".
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