This and that...

It has been a little difficult to get back into the blogger thing for some reason. I'm kinda gun-shy... kinda feeling small... kinda unsure about some things... I have started several different posts, but I just don't feel good about sharing them. So here are some random tidbits:

• I have been trying not to think about the murder/suicide down the street from Drew Carrie the other day. I really feeeel for people in situations like that. I don't know if it's because of how I 'can' relate, or if it's because I just can't imagine what it must be like to think it needs to come to that.
• I am spending the night and Saturday day in Chicago for the Missional Learning Commons. I'm looking forward to it in some respects, but I feel really out of my element among these folks. It's like they're all smart, and I'm... well... me.
• I always wrestle with what to say at my church right after attending something like this. On the one hand, I feel like I should share some things I've learned (assuming I learn something), but on the other hand I usually need time to process things, and feel better able to share a week later. Although then I sometimes just forget everything altogether, and then I feel like it was a waste - even though it wasn't. Sometimes I think we underestimate the value of just 'taking something in.' Anyway, we will see. I know I am NOT looking forward to the traffic.
• I wish I wasn't so hard to get along with. I don't really 'think' of myself as hard to get along with. I see myself as pretty easy going. But I must be hard to get along with because it just seems that I don't fit anywhere. I don't know... I suppose I'm just too hard to please.
  
• We got our farm check this week. Not that it's huge, but it certainly helps (we own 39 acres of Illinois farm ground). Of course, it's amazing how fast money can get used up. A thousand here, a thousand there... and pretty soon it's gone. At any rate, we went out for supper and I had a steak to celebrate. Although it was the cheapest steak they had, and the smallest size. It was still good. I think Henry's is my favorite place for food. Sometimes I don't feel real comfortable there though. Depending on where you sit it can either be really loud, or really dark, and the booths are really hard and uncomfortable. But the food is really good.
• The other night a friend was sharing how her parents were beginning to think that there was maybe more to life than just making a lot of money. It was funny, because on my way to meet this person I was just thinking to myself that maybe I had been wrong... Maybe what I should have done was just tried to get a good job and make as much money as possible. Maybe that's what would have been the best thing for my family. And it's not that I feel like we are necessarily poor, but... we're certainly not well-to-do. I hate that we have had to do without a lot of things. Although, honestly (I'm not trying to brag), we do give a whole heck of a lot of our money away. I don't know the percentage, but considering we more than tithe to our church, and probably give more than that amount away to other people and places every month... we probably would have a lot of things if it weren't for that. Honestly, sometimes I wish we kept it, so we could have a nicer car, or a better tv, or a smart phone, or... whatever. But I also think that would be wrong (for me. I'm not talking about anyone else). I dunno... it's giving me a headache.
• Last night we babysat for Anna for a little while. She is literally the sweetest thing in the world. There is absolutely nothing better than when she gives me a hug and a smile.
• I don't even miss having cable/satellite tv. I just wish the reception were better with our antenna. I hate how the digital signal goes in and out so much. I'm sure it is that way on purpose though. Still, it's been much easier getting away from cable than I ever thought it would be. I do miss some of the sports, but I can live with it. Sports seem kind of silly sometimes anyway.
• It is kind of irritating when someone asks your opinion on something, and then they not only don't take any advice that you gave them, but they seem to do the exact opposite things you said. Then they wonder why you aren't all excited about what they're doing. I just don't really know what to do in those situations.
  
• Well, these aren't really the things I was thinking of writing about. I can't even remember now what it was that I was going to write about. I guess that's the way it goes. Whatever. I guess I should pack since I need to leave in a couple hours and I'm still in my bathrobe.