What to do with church

Jane and I were talking about church the other day, as we often do. I'm not sure how the conversation started, but most of them end up spiraling downward at some point anymore. Which is discouraging because we LIKE church; or at least we WANT to like church.

But what do you do when church becomes a drag? And what do you do when it seems like you just don't fit anymore. What do you do when there is so much that needs done, and some of it things you could do, and maybe you've offered to help and it's been dismissed or not seen as needed, and... Yeah, then you don't know if talking about it makes it better or worse, or.... I don't know.

COMMUNITY
Ben Sternke sent out this interesting article yesterday: From Affinity to Affection: Building An Actual Community. It has some helpful suggestions along the lines of 'What to do when you don't necessarily like the people you go to church with?' I suppose that is part of our problem. Honestly, I just don't want to have to work at it sometimes. It can be difficult to deal with difficult people (just ask the people who have to deal with me). So I thought it timely that I received the article when I did. I'm just not sure that's the whole problem though.

POOR HEALTH
I'm not even sure where it came from, but I was struck upside the head by this quote from Alan Hirsch's 'The Forgotten Ways' the other day:

"Failure to deal with dysfunction will always undermine the organization or community's health." (184)

It's no secret that the pastor at our church recently had a heart attack. What seems obvious to me, but I'm not sure it is to anyone else (I don't know), is that his health is no better than our church's health overall. It is a dysfunctional place, and while most churches and organizations are to some degree, the dysfunction seems to be embraced in this place rather than dealt with.

MOVING FORWARD
So... what's been occupying most of my thinking lately (at least in regard to church) is... what to do about it. Do we stay and try to help? Do we slide off into the distance and begin the agonizing search for another community? Or, do we do like most people and just continue to show up, smile, and pretend everything is fine?

The problem for me is... I don't want to do any of those things! Sure, I'd be willing to help... up to a point. I'm not sure how far into the fray I am willing to go though. For me to help is more than likely going to involve using my prophetic and apostolic gifts and those tend to land me right in the middle of hot water most times.

Looking for another church is no less desirable because... to be honest... it hardly seems worth it anymore. I'm not even concerned about the "organized" church. Shoot, our church hardly qualifies as organized religion as it is. My fear is that it would be fairly easy for me to just walk away entirely. And I don't want to! I know the value of a committed community. I believe following Jesus must be done WITH others. I also don't want my grandchildren to think it doesn't matter (because it does). And... I'm not all that sure there is another church out there that we are a fit for.

Finally, I've never been good at pretending either. And I'm a terrible liar. So just going through the motions and putting on a happy Sunday face doesn't seem like it's even an option. I would be miserable... more even than I have been. And if I'm miserable, I tend to make everyone around me miserable. And I don't want that. Honestly, I don't.


So... I guess this is a point of prayer for me. I know of nothing else to do.

Actually, I am scheduled to meet with the pastor this week to discuss some related items. He's asked me to consider being on the "preaching team." Even though he's asked me like half a dozen times, and I've agreed, but he still keeps asking. I don't even know what to make of that. He's also asked for help with some "systems stuff." Yeah, he's asked me that before too; which I've agreed to. See the point about 'health' above.

And there ya have it. I suppose I could write all day in hopes something magical would come out of my fingers and turn into a solution... but apparently it's not happening. So I will stop.