We went to church

Yes, I know that's not how you say it (or at least what I mean). We attended a church worship service yesterday. It was the first time in... heck, I don't know... several months (maybe more than that).

We didn't decide to go until like 10 minutes after 10 and we were still in our pajamas. We were able to get ready and arrive there only 10 minutes after the 10:30am start - which is right when several other people were getting there.

We went to C2G. I suppose because we volunteered at a concert for the music hall there on Saturday night. It's honestly one of the few places anyone has even invited us to. There were maybe 30-40 people there.

They are still without a pastor, and had a guest speaker who gave a good 17-minute message. I liked him. I also liked that the worship was very low-key. It was just Kenny on acoustic, a keyboardist, drummer, and one additional singer. I much prefer that to having 10 singers lined up on stage (though I admit that sometimes it is nice). 

Of course the message had to do with fulfilling our calling.

Yeah.

So, I sat there most of the time mentally kicking myself for not agreeing to or feeling capable of speaking there. I could probably have done it just about every Sunday if I'd wanted. Rumor has it they may be getting someone through the denomination, and I'm not sure how that will go with a lot of people.

Ugh. I don't know why I'm so scared of speaking. Why can't I just do it?!? It would be a super-receptive audience, and I could pretty much say or do whatever. It just seems like a lot of pressure. Though it's honestly mostly just "what-ifs" inside my own head. And... I feel sorta like I am damaged beyond repair. I "know" in my head I'm not, but it feels like it...

So, we went to church yesterday. It was nice. I hope we can do it more.