Every day I think on this point of reflection from the Examen: "Face your shortcomings: I face up to what is wrong - in my life and in me."
Oh boy. Some days are better (and worse) than others. What is wrong? ... So many things ...
I mean, I try to be humble, then do something totally narcissistic. I try to be "me," then hate who I am. I try to "put myself out there," then curl back up inside myself. The cycle rolls on and on.
Even this week, I thought, "Okay, I'm going to stand tall and once again post my Holy Week Meditations through the music of David Gilmour." I made it two days... ... ... then was overcome with worry over what not only my 'non-christian' friends would think, but my friends of faith as well! So I deleted them and stopped. It's so silly, yet sometimes so overwhelming.
This morning at work a guy was telling me the story of Jesus on the cross with the two thieves on either side. I don't know if he thought I was unfamiliar or what, but he says, "We have the choice whether we want to be the one who made fun of Jesus or the one who recognized who he was and asked to be in paradise with him." I waited a bit, then sort of wondered aloud, "Or, maybe we're both, and Jesus loves us regardless." I think I blew the guy's mind.
Anyway, this all reminded me of something Peter Maurin, co-founder of the Catholic Worker Movement, said,
“The world would be better off if people tried to become better. And people would become better if they stopped trying to become better off.”
Am I getting "better"? I don't know. But I guess today I appreciate Jesus... regardless of what all the cross stuff means theologically... I'm not sure what else there is to depend on.
[title courtesy of The Who]
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