Random thoughts #466 (taking a backseat)

Hopefully no one is actually keeping track of the number of my 'random thoughts' posts. If you are, then you officially have less of a life than me. Anyway, here are some things currently on my mind...

SEATS
The pic is of the back seat out of my Ford Escape. This is the vehicle I use to drive for Uber. I'd read about this "miracle Do-It-Yourself cleaner" and thought I would give it a try. The cloth seats had a few spots from spillage and normal wear and tear, so I mixed up the vinegar, club soda, and Dawn dishwashing soap, sprayed it on, and it seemed to work pretty good. Unfortunately, several days later and there is still a fairly strong vinegar odor in the car. Not enough to make me sick, but so much so that I wouldn't want to pick up any Uber riders and risk poor ratings. So, after trying several different methods to remove the stench, I finally just removed the seats and washed the covers out in the shower. Hopefully this will help.

SPEAKING OF BACK SEATS...
This seems to be how my life has been going for some time now. I keep hoping for a "win" of some sort, but I continue losing instead. My confidence sinks lower, my countenance more somber, and it's getting harder and harder to keep the chin up. Something needs to change... but I'm tired. I've been telling myself to just sit back and lay low; walk humbly and not try to force anything. Folding towels at the Y seems to be one of my biggest joys lately - because I can actually do that! Yet I am inevitably reminded of how far I've fallen and disappointment stairs me down again and again. So... I trudge on. Slowly.

WORK
Part of my problem is work. And, please understand, I am aware ALL of my problem is of my own doing. It's no one else's fault. Much of it is contained within my own mind even. However, work has me worn down a bit at the moment. The Y does not pay well. I could make more money flipping burgers at McDonalds. It does afford me a place to go and interact with people without having to risk too much thinking or getting outside myself though. I am, however, a tad worn down from the schedule. We are presently short-handed, so I've been trying to help out as much as I can. Yet, as the "morning guy," it seems I'm having to work a lot of closing shifts. So, while I still only get 30-some hours a week, an example of my shedule is: tonight I work from 4-8 pm; tomorrow I work 5 am to 1 pm, then come back and work 5-8 pm; then Friday it's 5-9 AM again. If I can get the smell out of my car I will then add some hours of driving in there where I can. I can't complain about the number of hours, or even the difficulty of the work, but it is not overly inspiring, and most of the time I feel like a zombie walking around.

A 'THING'
Yesterday someone was telling me about when they took a Toastmasters class. I actually think what they were doing was trying to suggest I needed to do something to make myself more.... I don't know..... interesting. I've sensed myself crawling into a shell, and this conversation seemed to confirm others saw it too. So, I started looking into Toastmasters, or an Udemy course on public speaking or writing or something.

To be honest, a Toastmasters meeting scares me to death. I cannot imagine walking into a roomful of people and speaking in front of them. I don't understand how I used to do it on such a regular basis. So maybe an Udemy course...

I think the thing is, though, I need a "thing." I need to find something I can DO again. I don't feel like I can write or speak anymore; I'm struggling as a runner and my left foot has been bothering me; I simply don't have the chops or understanding to play the guitar (and haven't done so, basically since I stopped pastoring). I don't like to cook, sew, work on cars, or anything of the like. I guess I don't really have any hobbies or interests of any kind. I just go to work, come home and watch 'Wheel of Fortune' and 'Jeopardy,' and then go to bed. I don't think playing 'Yahtzee' on my phone counts for anything.

THE CARWASH
I suppose this is pretty sad, but if I'm honest, my biggest joy in life at the moment is pulling into the carwash. Since I'm a "club" member, I get to use a special entrance. So I can drive right past everyone who has to pay, and there's this little part of me that feels just a little superior as I do. I know it's not right, but that's my little power trip. Ugh. It looks worse as printed words...

CONSOLATION
Before anyone starts to feel too bad for me, please understand this is actually part of my "fix." Regardless of how good or bad this blog is, it has always been a place for me to write out my inner issues and that is often impetus enough to help me move forward. Yes, this spot may require more help - and I'm still looking in that direction - but just so everyone knows: I don't write these things to garner pitty, but to process my "stuff."

Things I take away from this dose of drivel:

• I'd like to stop drinking again, and maybe deactivate my Facebook account for awhile (FB would be harder than drinking - I rely on it too much for Uber and other activities).
• Sign up for an Udemy class on public speaking or writing.
• Read a novel or some kind of fiction.

Those seem easy enough, but pretty dern daunting at the same time. Maybe just making the list is a good enough place to start. At least it's something to look at.

{Elaine to Puddy: "So you're just going to sit there and stare at the back of the seat?" Puddy: "Yeah."}

Identifying as a missionary (sent)

The fifth and final habit in Michael Frost's book, 'Surprise the World: The Five Habits of Highly Missional People,' is: SENT. The idea is to journal the ways we have alerted others to God's reign so we can begin to identify as missionaries (sent ones).

Many people used to think of missionaries as exclusively describing those who traveled overseas to spread Christianity. A big part of "missional" ideology is reframing this to include all Christians being called to glorify God in our daily lives wherever we are.

Personally, his phrase "alerting others to God's reign" makes me cringe a little, but I like what Frost is getting at. The idea is to present what we believe the reign of God will look like in the world. Frost says it will consist of these things:

• Reconciliation - between God and humankind, as well as among humanity.
• Justice - Whether donating to a cause, signing a petition, or opening our homes to the poor.
• Beauty - (I like this) - Inviting others to recognize the beauty of God's kingdom, as well as the beauty of what we can create as his agents of grace.
• Wholeness - the restoration of broken people, relationships, and the world.

WHY JOURNALING?
Frost suggests journaling because, not only is it a way to record our thoughts, but it will help us identify ways we mirror God's work of justice, reconciliation, beauty, and wholeness in the world. It will help us sort through the myriad ways we operate as God's ambassadors in the following ways:

1. Processing events - It helps us see everyday acts - of creativity, diligence, service, and kindness - as being as legitimately missional as acts of evangelism, preaching, or social justice.
2. Making sense of God's work - Journaling forces us to take notice of the way God is unfurling his reign throughout the world through our small contributions.
3. Keeping a record of insights - Writing things down leads to a deeper understanding of the ways God is using us, or working among us.
4. Asking important questions - It's a place for us to be honest with God, and ourselves.
5. Identifying ourselves differently - It's about reshaping our identities around our fundamental calling as the sent ones of God.

-----------------------------

As with the other four habits, this one too makes a lot of sense. In a way I think this kind of pulls it all together. I would imagine it is also probably the most difficult to keep up with. I've been a long-time journaler - even aside from this blog. It's not easy to maintain, especially so around such specific content. But imagine the power it could have?

In the final chapter Frost proposes the idea of DNA groups - for Discipleship, Nurture, and Accountability. He likens them to Neil Cole's Life Transformation Groups. The idea is to meet weekly with a few other people to see how you're doing with the new habits. First he suggests simply reading the book together, then committing to regularly meeting for the purpose of discipleship, nurture, and accountability. I think that's a great idea. He has a "DNA Accountability Form" in the book to use as a guide (very simple).

So, all in all, I really liked this book. Again, it was small and super easy to read. While I'm not in love with the BELLS acronym, it is definitely memorable (I have called on it many times in the week or so I spent on the book). I also like the practical nature of the questions, accountability, and other resources in the book. I highly recommend it for anyone interested in following Jesus today. I think it would also be really handy for a small group.

Cho

No, that's not a new word. This morning I was thinking about three words though: confidence, humility, and openness. Those are traits I value in others, and desire in myself.

I think it was last week that I read an article (or saw it somewhere) regarding the trait men most desire in a woman. It had nothing to do with body, hair, or voice.... it was confidence. More specifically, self-confidence. Problems can develop if we have either too little self-confidence, or too much. There is a delicate balance to believing in yourself without being arrogant, and it's nice to find that sweet spot (or when you see it in others). I found this helpful little website on building self-confidence - http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html - that I think is worth checking out if you struggle with this.

I believe confidence wears best - and is most helpful - when coupled with humility. Many people seem to think of humility as having a low opinion of yourself. I prefer the common definition: "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less." I remember Donald Miller talking about how many of us view life as a movie... and WE are the main character. But what if everyone regarded everyone else as having equal importance? As the biblical writer of the book of Romans said (12:3), "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." We can be confident in who God made us to be, and walk humbly as a part of his wonderful creation - side by side, rather than over or under. 

Perhaps the trait that ties it all together for me, then, is openness. By that I mean an openness to possibilities. Whether that is from a secular view of simply being open to the fact that we don't hold all the answers and there could be alternatives we've never thought about, or with the biblical view that Someone does hold all the answers - and it's not us (an openness to God). As for myself, I need to remind myself to be open to the fact that things could always turn out better than I think. It's easy for me to imagine how everything could go wrong, but what if things worked out; what if the planets line up perfectly; what if my wildest dreams come true (or things I've not even thought to imagine)? It's having the attitude the writer of Ephesians had (3:20): "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Yes! Things actually could get BETTER!

I really like being around people like that. Those with a healthy level of confidence, humility, and openness to possibilities. These are also the three main qualities I seek in my own life. I believe the proper balance between them keeps us from the 'sad puppy syndrome' on the one end, as well as the pompous jerk on the other. I wish it formed a better acrostic than 'C.H.O.' but... such is life. In my mind, this is what it looks like to have inner peace, or the "peace that transcends understanding" (Phil. 4:7). Who doesn't want that?

Shame

I love Fernando Ortega's music. I heard his song, Shame, the other day and was reminded just how much I relate to the lyrics in it in particular.

I've never been one of those people who say, "I have no regrets." I actually regret many things about my life - things I've done, things I've not done; things I've said, and left unsaid. I have hurt many people, many times, and I feel terrible about it. However, I have also tried to live well ("not a coward, not in vain"). I hope I am more remembered for those things than the countless shameful things I've done.

Anyway, here are the lyrics. You can watch/listen to the Youtube version of the song by clicking the link above. Good stuff all the way around.

Shame

Though I am weak, Sometimes weary
In times of trial... I hide my face
In the balance, Judge me wholly
Please don't judge me, By my shame

In dark hours Of confrontation
When words may fall Too soon to unsay
Don't mistake them For my true meaning
They are measures, Of my shame

I have tried to Live life humbly
Not a coward, Not in vain
When my meekness Overcomes me
Remember me... Not my shame
Not my shame

I am small And self-conscious
Every mirror Reflects the grain
Judge my essence By my kinships
Remember me... Not my shame

I am weak, Sometimes weary
Sometimes small... I hide away
When my hours Are all accounted
Please don't bind me... To my shame

I have tried to Live life humbly
Not a coward, Not in vain
When my meekness Overcomes me
Remember me... Not my shame
Not my shame

APE rape

So the other night I was thinking about the rape of ape's.... in the church. Rest assured, no animals are being harmed... but plenty of human beings are. For those of you not familiar with the 'APE' reference, it deals with a church structure principle based on the APEST model (see the link for an explanation). Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Shepherds, and Teachers. The first three - the A, P, and E - seem to be the most misunderstood, misaligned, and muted people in much of the church world today. Of course those are the three strongest traits/descriptions of yours truly. It also seems that most of my friends fall into one of those categories as well. I guess birds of a feather tend to fall together.

Anyway, I'm still uncertain as to how it all works and how much emphasis should be given such things, but I have to admit to its validity to a somewhat large degree. The trouble for/with APE's has also been well-documented over the past 10 years or so, so I won't go into a lot of detail. I did, however, want to try to write some thoughts down.

I also realize 'rape' is a loaded term and perhaps not the best way to describe what seems (to me) to be happening. I use the word in its mildest form. For many people, rape is trying to use someone for something they are not; devaluing them as a person; wanting them to be someone or something else. That is how I feel APE's are being treated in most, or many, church circles. People wonder why they/we can't just be happy, or why we have to say and do the things we say and do. But that is not who we are. We are not Shepherds. We have a hard time going with the flow. We don't fit the paradigm most people have of a "church leader." We are raw, honest to a fault, unsatisfied with the status quo, and many get frustrated by others wanting us to be someone/something else... much less having a hard time dealing with the lack of respect and value/contribution we can make to the church as a whole.

So, while it is in no way similar or, perhaps, as severe as sexual rape (which is a tragic thing, indeed), it can, in some ways, have a similar effect on us APE's. Undervalued, unwanted, misunderstood. And the church suffers as a result.

At least that's kinda how it seems to me. I long for the day when we can all work together - each of us being who we were made to be, and valuing one another for who they are and what they do.

Let's try this again

I have gone 1 day without a cigarette. Again. Ugh. Sunday's probably shouldn't count though, because they are such a different day than the rest. The real test will be going to work today. We'll see.

This has got to be one of my biggest fails over the past year (or ever). Who starts smoking again after having quit for 25 years??? I guess it's not like I WANTED to. I don't WANT to have a cigarette every time I have one. I hate doing it. But I like doing it too. The best one is that first one of the day after breakfast. But I'm a'gonna try again to stop. And I don't really need any encouraging words. I know them all, and they honestly don't really help. The urge to smoke is never going to go away. So it's just going to be a struggle.

Here we go. Wish me luck. Pray if you believe in that sorta thing. One day down...

"Nice" leaders

I saw this quote posted on someone's Facebook wall (Maybe John H. Armstrong). Wow. How true. Simply wanted a place to store it.

"In any type of institution whatsoever, when a self-directed, imaginative, energetic, or creative member is being consistently frustrated and sabotaged rather than encouraged and supported, what will turn out to be true one hundred percent of the time, regardless of whether the disrupters are supervisors, subordinates , or peers, is that the person at the very top of that institution is a peace -monger. By that I mean a highly anxious risk-avoider, someone who is more concerned with good feelings than with progress, someone whose life revolves around the axis of consensus, a “middler,” someone who is so incapable of taking well-defined stands that his “disability” seems to be genetic, someone who functions as if she had been filleted of her backbone, someone who treats conflict or anxiety like mustard gas—one whiff, on goes the emotional gas mask, and he flits. Such leaders are often “nice,” if not charming." A Failure of Nerve

Reconciliation or retaliation

What do you do when someone offends you? There are few things I find more frustrating as a pastor than to discover that I have offended someone… and the person didn't tell me about it. Of course sometimes it's not a big deal and they just get over it, understanding that these things happen (to all of us). However, more times than I wish, the offended person will stew in silence, then pull back from the church; or the worst case scenario is that they will tell everyone BUT the person they have the problem with. This then almost always results in even more pain and suffering by people who otherwise would not need to be involved. Wouldn't it be nice if we in the church could be more inclined toward reconciliation rather than retaliation?

Scripture does call us to a “ministry of reconciliation” (2 Cor. 5). We are even told to “reconcile one to another” before offering ourselves to God (Matthew 5:23-24). And as Romans 12:18 reminds us, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." That is hard to do when we don't communicate with one another. We cannot force anyone to reconcile with us, but what we can do is ask ourselves if we are working towards reconciliation or if we are actually more interested in retaliation.

For reconciliation to take place there needs to be a willingness to be open and honest with one another. Often the offending party isn't even aware of what they have done. I am always thankful for those who are willing to let me know, and I believe our relationships have grown stronger as a result.

The opposite is true of those situations where one person is more interested in 'getting back' at the offender. Certainly it is a natural tendency when we are hurt to want to retaliate; to want to 'even the score'; to make someone 'pay for our pain.' The beauty of living "in Christ" is that Jesus has already paid that price for us. So by keeping the offending party 'in the dark' - not allowing them to know what they have done - we are actually working for the 'prince of darkness' who delights in sowing seeds of discord and disruption, rather than our calling from Christ to be about reconciliation, brotherly love, and unity.

I believe any time we are involved in a disagreement or have been offended there are two basic questions to consider:

1. Am I more interested in reconciling with this person or retaliating against this person?
2. Are my actions promoting unity in the church, or protection for myself (which usually works towards keeping unity from happening)?

Matthew 18:15 reminds us... "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."

Winning a friend is always better than getting back at one. Wouldn't it be great to see the church work like this? Lord, have mercy.

Five ways accountability goes bad

I read a good little post on accountability groups called "Christian Accountability: 5 Reasons It Often Doesn't Work."

They are not saying accountability groups don't work, but that there are certain things that can hinder them. And I absolutely agree. I have been in a number of accountability groups - and am presently in two different ones - and this article touches on some things I have seen in all of them. These five points could make them even better.

The 5 ways accountability goes bad, according to the article, are:
1. When accountability partners are absent.
2. When accountability groups are programmatic.
3. When accountability partners are confession-centered.
4. When accountability partners are obedience-centered.
5. When accountability partners forget the gospel.

Good stuff (you need to read the whole thing). I think accountability groups are a really good thing. I think this article is good too.

http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/01/19/christian-accountability-5-reasons-it-often-doesnt-work/?promocode=FREEDOM

Accountability group

I started meeting with a couple of guys last week as an accountability group. We are all three pastors, and the one guy (the youngest) contacted the other two of us and asked if we would be willing to meet once a month, just to hold one another accountable, and hopefully to encourage one another in our life and work. I was so happy he asked, because I've needed something like this for awhile.

For me, it is so easy to get sucked into unhealthy habits. I tend to be a glass-half-empty sort of person, and I need someone to speak the truth to me; someone to tell me what God says rather than what I say or what the devil would like me to believe.

I actually have a folder with a bunch of accountability questions and things that lend to that, but the other two guys didn't seem too interested in anything that formal. They would rather have more of an open sharing type thing. Or just know that there is someone they can call at 2 am when they need prayer, or something. I'm good with that too. I also like to use questions for myself though, because sometimes I need to address things that I might otherwise want to ignore. Questions help me get beyond that.

So, we are going to meet on the first Tuesday of each month at a central location. It is probably about a 45-minute drive for me (one way), but it is worth it.

Accountability questions

In Neil Cole's book Search & Rescue: Becoming A Disciple Who Makes A Difference, he lists a variety of different accountability questions people can use in their Life Transformation Groups. These were just a few of the ones that I particularly liked.

From Phil Helfer, pastor of Los Altos Brethren Church in Long Beach, California, who has simplified the LTG questions into five open-ended questions:

1. How have you experienced God in your life this week?
2. What is God teaching you?
3. How are you responding to his prompting?
4. What sin do you need to confess?
5. How did you do with your reading this week?

A list of less specific questions (apparently from the author):

1. What is the condition of your soul?
2. What sin do you need to confess?
3. What have you held back from God that you need to surrender?
4. Is there anything that has dampened your zeal for Christ?
5. With whom have you talked about Christ this week?

Dave Guiles, a church planting missionary in Buenos Aires, Argentina developed these questions based loosely on the tests of a true believer found in 1 John:

1. How have you sensed God's presence in your life during this past week?
2. Have you received a specific answer to your prayers? What was it?
3. Have you spoken with a nonbeliever about your faith in Jesus Christ? With whom?
4. To whom have you shown God's love during this past week?
5. What have you learned about God in your personal Bible reading this past week?
6. As a result of your Bible reading this past week, how have you determined to better obey God?
7. Specifically, what area of your life do you feel that God most wants to change? Have you taken specific steps to make those changes?
8. What good habit do you feel God wants to form in your life? Have you taken specific steps to develop that habit?

The most simple and basic questions the author has found to date are:

1. What is God telling you to do?
2. What are you going to do about it?

Again, there are many others, but these were some that I personally liked. Perhaps the issue is not which questions we use, but that we are accountable to someone in some way.

Befriending (Pilgrim Heart)

Today I read ch. 7 in Darryl Tippen's book 'Pilgrim Heart.' It's entitled, "Befriending: The Mutual Regard & Care of Souls."

On p. 92 Darryl lists three questions that help him distinguish his garden-variety friends from his soul-friends:

1. "Am I safe with you?" (Would you hide me if Hitler were coming)
2. "Could I call you at 2 am if I were in need?"
3. "Can I tell you who I am?" or "Can I tell you my story?"

I thought these were pretty good. Sometimes I think we fool ourselves by thinking we have a great many friends, when what we actually have are mere acquaintances. And they're okay, but we need soul-friends too.

Another thing I thought he was wise to bring out was the fact that even with a close "soul-friend" it also requires a certain amount of distance. This sounds a bit paradoxical, but there needs to be a certain amount of respect. We need to allow even the best of our friends their own space.

We also need to allow them the chance to be themselves. Tippen points out on p.94: "It is striking that Jesus never twists the arms of his beloved disciples to make them 'do the right thing.' Friendship flies under the flag of freedom."

He summed up well with this paragraph on p.96:

Yet we cannot accumulate friends like so many trophies. Friends are not objects to be found and collected. Our calling isn't so much to find friends as to become friends to others. I am not even sure it is possible to "find" friends. Instead, we befriend others, and in the befriending, worthy companions are mysteriously born. As imitators of Jesus we are here to grant to others the gifts of safety, attentiveness, compassion, empathy, accountability, truth-telling, loyalty, distance, time, forgiveness, spiritual care, and selfless love. In offering such graces to others, friendships emerge.

I believe this is one of the great hindrances of our society today - so many people desire soul-deep friendships, but so few of us are willing to BE soul-deep friends. I wonder if the problem for many people isn't that we feel so alone ourselves, and that that is because we fail to see Jesus with us; in us? Hmm. Might I be a better friend. Might we all.

New Accountability Questions

At my Wednesday morning coffee & bagel meetup we began using new questions today. Stolen straight from the Brian McLaren book THE LAST WORD AND THE WORD AFTER THAT. They are:
THE FIVE QUERIES:
1. How is your soul?
2. How have you seen God at work in and through your life since we last met?
3. What are you struggling with?
4. What are you grateful for?
5. What God-given dream are you nurturing?

Anyone care to participate???

I've been wrestling with querie #5. I'm not sure what my dream is. Or if it's something other than what I'm doing. Is that a bad sign if I want to avoid thinking about it?

I always wanted to be a song-writer, and maybe a performer; but more a writer (I don't remember the last time I wrote anything though). I've also always thought it would be neat to run a small coffee shop. Or operate a youth center - someplace where bands could play, kids could hang out, stuff like that. My real dream when I was a youngster was to work on a garbage truck. Think of all the cool stuff you could get! But... I really do like pastoring a small church. I like the freedom; I like the discipline (I am a fairly self-disciplined person); I like the feeling of community. I just wish it wasn't so lonely, you know. I wish I had a place where I could go to interact with people. Anyway, I need to pick out songs for Sunday.

Peace. Revolution. And hey... don't be bashful. Feel free to comment if you like. :)