Coaching tips

One of my regrets in life is not pursuing leadership coaching more. I kind of liked it, as opposed to mentoring or counseling or pastoring. 

Anyway, I found these tips from this newsletter (courtesy of Josh Spector at For The Interested) and thought they were worth remembering. Plus, they're just good ideas for anyone who deals with people...

How to be a more effective coach:

1. Don't tell clients what to do. Help them figure out what they want and how to get it.

2. Create a framework and take clients through it - don't treat coaching like improv.

3. The answer to your client's problems is in the words they say - but they need you to point it out to them because they can't see it.

4. If you don't aim for a clear destination, you and your client will both get lost along the way.

5. Part of what your client is paying for is your confidence on their behalf.

6. The easiest mistake to make with a client is to take on the wrong one.

7. If you feel your value will be judged based on the amount of time you spend with a client, you're doing it wrong.

8. The more you coach people on problems you've solved for yourself, the stronger a coach you'll be.

9. Start a coaching session with a review of what was implemented from the previous session.

10. End a session with an assignment of something to implement before the next session.

 

Hmm... as I read through that again, I wondered what it might be like if instead of "client" you substituted "child," or "coworker," or "spouse," or "friend," or "student," or "teammate," or...

Pastors, stress, the church, and society

I met with a friend yesterday who pastors a church. We hadn't seen each other in a few years. He sent a message one night suggesting we get together. So I drove an hour south and he an hour north and we took up space in a restaurant for a bit. There was no earth-shattering news; just the normal chit-chat. But I was thinking the whole time... man, he looks tired. 

The pastor at my mom's church announced a few weeks ago that, after being at the church for 19 years, he was done. He has nothing lined up. He just can't do it anymore.

I talked with a former pastor who was in working out this morning, and he informed me that the pastor of the nearest "mega" church to me announced last Sunday that he was done. He was "spent," was the word the pastor used.

I imagine there are plenty more church leaders experiencing the same. Honestly, I cannot imagine the stress they must be under. I mean, how many "normal folks" have experienced unprecedented stress this past year or so? The pandemic, the election, trump-stuff, racial issues... Division and turmoil.

People have become so much less tolerant of opposing views. We can choose our news source based on what we want to hear. Our social media feeds are tailored to what someone has decided we want to see. The isolation most of us have been thrust into has made it that much easier to distance ourselves from those who are different. Where will it end?

I've read several articles on people freaking out that there are now fewer religious people than non-religious. Maybe a bigger issue is going to be what happens if our church leaders can't survive!

***

Yeesh. When I talk to pastors, I almost always come away thinking, "There is NO WAY I could do that right now." How can they possibly speak, preach, teach, or whatever you want to say they do, in the cultural climate of america right now?

I remember having people leave my church some fourteen/fifteen years ago because I liked Barack Obama! That seems so far away, and so "nothing" compared to how things are now.

***

To be clear, I don't for one second fear that the church is in jeopardy. As I've said for a long time, "We couldn't kill the church if we tried!" Because people/forces have been trying for centuries. God is and always will be sovereign (imho). 

Also, I think one thing trumpism has brought about is a clearer differentiation between mere civil religion and true Christianity. I view that as a good thing, as long as you're aware of the difference.

Still...

***

As I sat and listened to my young pastor friend yesterday... my mind wandered back to a couple things I contemplated in the past.

First, I forget I used to do leadership coaching. I don't know if I even still have any of the info, but I intended to specialize in coaching small church pastors. I only worked with a few people, but I kind of liked it. It's pretty far removed from my brain at the moment, but what a time for someone who does such! I think there could be a real need.

Also, a close friend used to tell me I should start a retreat center for pastors and spouses (ministry leaders). You know, a place where they could go to rest, be renewed, or simply left alone for a bit. And, honestly, if we had the means, I think that's something Jane and I could do together. In fact, my eyes are getting a bit misty just typing this. I would have no idea where to even begin though...

So, in the end, of course I have no answers. It seems our church leaders are under a great deal of stress - maybe more than most of them have ever been under. I don't know how this will play out in "the church" or society as a whole. I also have no idea what to do... but it's been on my mind a lot lately.

***

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." - Matthew 5:3

Good questions

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who's trying to work through a decision, and you just can't think of the right words to say? Maybe it's a good friend, a child, sibling, co-worker, or really anyone, and you want to help so bad. 

I may or may not have linked to this article from Gwen Moran before: "The Best Mentors Ask These 8 Questions." Sure, it's for mentors/coaches, but I find these can be useful by us regular folk trying to figure out life too. Maybe even if the conversation is solely in your own head!

The article is short and to the point, so I will just share the 8 questions and encourage you to read the whole thing for better understanding.

1. What does success look like to you?
2. What is the outcome you want?
3. What do you want to be different in three to five years?
4. What are the obstacles you're facing?
5. What can you control?
6. What are the options you've come up with?
7. Tell me more.
8. What are you reading?

This brings back fond memories of the years I studied and dabbled in leadership coaching. I liked doing it, and sometimes didn't even suck. It requires a mental outlook I can't seem to muster anymore, but I can still draw on things like this for everyday life.

I will say, the one phrase from above I used to have trouble with was "tell me more." When someone says this to me it becomes obvious what they're doing (and I don't much care for it). So it needs to be used sparingly, and in just the right way (imho). Otherwise, I like the rest!

One other question that's always stuck with me is: What's something no one ever asks you about, but you wish they would? Well... I'm waiting!!! ;)

***

"Answering before listening

    is both stupid and rude."

-Proverbs 18:13

Listening... like a trampoline

Most people view their listening skills similar to their driving skill: they think they are waaaaay better than they actually are! Being a good listener is no easy task. Yet it's something we can all do better if we work at it.

I used to dabble in leadership coaching. I viewed it like Cinderella's coach - a tool to transport someone from where they were to where they want to be. It wasn't always easy, but when it worked it felt so good! It was all about listening... good listening. Not the kind where you just sit and can regurgitate back to someone what they'd just said. It's so much more.

This article 'What Great Listeners Actually Do' was a great reminder. I particularly like their use of the trampoline metaphor (even better than Cinderella).

"While many of us have thought of being a good listener being like a sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is saying, instead, what these findings show is that good listeners are like trampolines. They are someone you can bounce ideas off of — and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify your thinking. They make you feel better not merely passively absorbing, but by actively supporting. This lets you gain energy and height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline."

 As a result of their research the authors reached four main conclusions:

1. Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.
2. Good listening included interactions that build a person's self-esteem.
3. Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation.
4. Good listeners tended to make suggestions.

It's a fairly short read and I think more than worthwhile if you would like to get better at one of the most needed and essential skills in our society today. We could all stand to listen just a little better, and the whole world will benefit!

***

James 1:19

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,"

 

Coaching/mentor questions

I stumbled onto this article 'The Best Mentors Ask These 8 Questions' the other day. While the article is about mentoring, they talk about it in a way very much like the coaching I used to be involved with. In fact, they are much the same questions.

I'm sure I have these listed out in various places on this blog, but I wanted to put them down again... because I think they're good. They can be helpful not only in formal mentoring/coaching, but for more informal "helping" with friends and associates, as well as personal decision-making.

Please read the article for explanations, but here are the 8 questions:

1. What does success look like to you?
2. What is the outcome you want?
3. What do you want to be different in 3 to 5 years?
4. What are the obstacles you're facing?
5. What can you control?
6. What are the options you've come up with?
7. Tell me more...
8. What are you reading?

These are good questions to consider even if you're trying to work through a decision on your own. Give them a try...

Another coaching class, asking, listening, and wondering

I signed up for another coaching class this week: Asking Powerful Questions. It is an E-class from Coach Approach Ministries. I used to be licensed through this group, and I don't know that this will be anything new for me, but it's one of those things I feel like I can use to improve myself and my interaction with others. Anyway, the class is online and self-paced, so I hope to start working through it this week.

Along those lines, I also happened onto this article yesterday: "What Great Listeners Actually Do." It seems just about everything I do anymore involves being a better listen. Whether work, ministry, or everyday relationships in general, good listening skills are something we could probably all use some help with. And... it fits right into the coaching classes I've been taking.

As the article states, most of us believe good listening boils down to these three things:

• Not talking when others are speaking
• Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (“Mmm-hmm”)
• Being able to repeat what others have said

Certainly that is helpful... but good listening skills really go much deeper. It's the difference between input-based and out-come based theory (imho): what are we really after? According to their studies...

• Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.
• Good listening included interactions that build a person’s self-esteem.
• Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation.
• Good listeners tended to make suggestions. 

The article expands and explains each of these, and I found it quite helpful and probably something I need to re-read from time to time.

So, in case you're wondering why I included "wondering" in the title... I don't know. I guess I'm wondering what all this means in my life. I think I'm beyond seeking a "career" per-se, but I know I always want to be learning. It does seem a little ironic that all my learning seems geared toward the same things. Yet I don't know if it's because this is something I want to do, or if it's something I really need to get better at. So... I'm still just sort of wondering what I want to do when I grow up. Sad, isn't it?

Discipleship coaching

I finished my discipleship coaching class last week (through homegrownmission.com). I was sort of a last-minute add to the class because my pastor is the instructor, and since I'm part of the church and he had some open spots, he let me take it for free. I'm glad I did!

I had actually started something very similar to this course before through 3dm. Home Grown actually grew out of that - the leader was a former 3dm coach - so some of the teaching was the same and some was not.

To kind of put it in a nutshell:

• This is 6-month, 24-week course that meets for roughly an hour a week (online) and requires 80% attendance to complete (although we only ended up meeting 21 times, I think). We met on Thursdays at 2:30 pm.
• The main communication tool is "Slack.com" - an audio/video online format (which I liked much better than the old days of just audio).
• The main sources of information were the books "Building A Discipling Culture" from Mike Breen, and "The Discipleship Difference" by Robert Logan.
• The course centered around the ideas of what it means to be a "disciple," and how to do "discipleship." So we worked at developing the right MINDSET, SKILLSET, and TOOLSET. 

What I want to leave here today is a basic run-down of what we covered each week, and some of the specific resources used during the course. This is more for my own recollection as anything, but it is some good and worthwhile stuff. I was honestly not expecting to get much out of this group, but it turned out to be way more helpful than I expected.

So, as best as I can recall (and had recorded in my notes) these are the bones of what it looked like week to week:

1. Get acquainted, basics of the group, introduction.
2. The idea of simple, reproducible practices; Journaling based on the Moravian daily texts.
3. "What Is God Saying To You?" and "What Will You Actually Do About It?" from Ben Sternke, and an introduction to 'The Learning Circle.'
4. Practicing 'The Learning Circle.'
5. Definitions of disciple and discipleship.
6. Introduction to "Dimensions of Discipleship" handout (taken from 'The Discipleship Difference').
7. continued...
8. "Engaging in Spiritual Conversations with Those Who Are Not Yet Followers of Jesus" handout, and practice.
9. "What IS Discipleship, Really?" handout from Ben Hardman
10. The 7 Basic Learning Styles discussion
11. continued...
12. (I was absent, but it covered the "rest & work" semicircle from 3dm).
13. Accountability questions/huddle skills & character guides
14. continued...
15. The 'Leadership Square' from 3dm
16. 'Persons of Peace' handout from Ben Sternke
17. continued...
18. Five-Fold ministry survey and handout, plus "The Five Equippers of Churches" videos from JR Woodward (missioalliance.org).
19. 'Pathway to Mission' handout
20. Last class (I think) - Q & A
21. Individual meetings with the leader...

I suppose it's worth noting - in the event someone may happen along here unintentionally - if this is something you're interested in, I would check out homegrownmission.com for coaching. Brian is a great teacher and it's not only packed full of great resources, but practical teaching and useful skill development. Good stuff!

Change your life

I read this article on 'How To Change Your Life Every 90 Days' and, while it seems a tad simplistic, I also believe the plan offers some helpful hints for everyday life in general.

They say most people are living day-to-day and going nowhere, but with this simple 4-question exercise from Dan Sullivan, it can change your life:

• Gives you a sense of joy and pride for what you’ve accomplished
• Confidence about what you’re currently focusing on
• Excitement about what your future holds
• Clarity about the few things that really matter

I don't know about all that... but I did find the four questions interesting. Especially the first few. They are...

1.  Last 90 Days - “Winning Achievements? Looking back over the past quarter, what are the things that make you the proudest about what you have achieved?” (there are likely more than you think)
   
2. Right Now - “What’s Hot? When you look at everything that’s going on today, which areas of focus and progress are making you the most confident?” 
3.  Next 90 Days - “Bigger and Better? Now, looking ahead at the next quarter, what new things are giving you the greatest sense of excitement?
4.  90-Day Jumps - “What are the five new ‘jumps’ you can now achieve that will make your next 90 days a great quarter regardless of what else happens?”

 The article gives a little more detail on each, and it's not long at all so I suggest giving it a read if this is of any interest to you. Personally, I hope to give the first couple questions a go, and I think it would be good to get in somewhat of a habit with all four at some point.

Completing a marathon earlier this year reminded me I can do more than I usually think possible, and reading this article was a good reminder that it doesn't have to stop there.

So.... go!

5 fold ministry score (and the 5 equippers of churches)

For my coaching class this week we were supposed to take this five-fold survey, and then watch this set of videos by JR Woodward on 'The Five Equippers of Churches.' I did so earlier today.

I've taken this, and similar, tests before and I score pretty much the same. There is never much variance from my strongest to my least and that was no different this time (19-13). At different times my base (highest number) has alternated between Prophet and Apostle, and Evangelist is usually one of the lower. So it was no surprise that I scored a 19 as a Prophet this time. I feel that's fairly fitting regardless of what's happening in my life. Here is the score sheet from today:

5 Fold Ministry Score Sheet

Prophet - 19
Pastor - 16
Teacher - 16
Apostle - 15
Evangelist - 13


This is how they characterize Prophets from the test site:

Prophets
One who hears and listens to God (prophetes); the prophet foretells and tells forth revelation from God. Often they are able to stand back from circumstances to get a clear picture of what is happening and therefore see creative solutions and develop a vision for situations others don’t see. They understand the times and what people should do.

• Biblical examples—Anna and Simeon in Luke 2 as they prophesy over the infant Jesus. Agabus in Acts 11:28 and 21:10 when he predicts a famine and prophesies about Paul. Philip’s daughters in Acts 21:9 were all known as prophetesses.
• Jesus’ example—Every word spoken from the mouth of Jesus was revelation from God. He often foretold events such as Peter’s denial and the details of his own death. He, himself, is the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy concerning the Messiah such as found in Isaiah 53.
• Mature Prophets enjoy being alone with God, waiting, listening.
• Secular examples—people who speak out their perceptions. They’re often creative types, musicians, and artists.
• Core question Prophets ask: Are the people of God hearing his voice and responding appropriately?
• Characteristics of immature Prophets: While they have a natural gift to "see beyond" what most people can see, immature prophets make two fundamental errors. First, if they sense God is saying something, they provide the interpretation themselves and don't release it to a community of people outside of them. Just as Paul said, the prophet will give their sense, but it's up to the community to weigh and give an interpretation. Their job is to share, release what they've received, back away and then see what other people make of it. The proper path goes like this: Revelation to Interpretation to Application. An immature prophet, having received some sort of revelation, wants to go straight to Application. This is incredibly harmful and not the pattern that scripture gives us. Second, they assume they are always right. The problem is that often times they are right and this builds a false sense of confidence that they get it 100% of the time. Because of this, they can become arrogant, haughty and difficult to deal with. In contrast, a mature prophet is actually quite humble because they know that any revelation they receive isn't their own and they entrust it to the community.

Copyrighted content and excerpted from Building a Discipling Culture

----------------

After completing the survey I then watched the short video's of JR Woodward describing each "equipper" as he calls them. I have seen/read these before, and I do like the description he gives to each one. They are...

Prophet = "heart revealer"
Teacher = "light giver"
Pastor = "soul healer"
Apostle = "dream awakener"
Evangelist = "story teller"

JR says of the Prophet, among other things...
- they reveal the heart of God to people, and the heart of people to God.
- they're concerned with shalom (inner peace) for people.
- they have a passion for social justice, and generally embody it themselves.
- they are concerned with cultivation of a liberating environment - socially and societally.
- they are feel compelled to speak truth to those in power.

So, that's what I did before work today (and after working out). We will discuss them among my coaching class cohorts tomorrow. I think it's always nice to be reminded of who we are and why we do the things we do.

Finding your strengths -- getting annoyed

I am reading Jane Creswell's great little book 'Christ-Centered Coaching: 7 Benefits for Ministry Leaders.' It's from 2006 and not really anything I haven't heard at some point on the journey, but it's good to read it nonetheless.

I was particularly struck, and have since had stuck in my brain, the section on "Leveraging Your Strengths" (ch. 4).

In this chapter she talks about the difference between strengths and skills. Just this part was a helpful reminder to me. They are not the same thing. Strengths are those things we were born with, our talents, gifts, abilities, personality preferences, and cognitive preferences. As she says, they are so basic to who you are as a human being that you may assume everyone has these strengths. At some points in life, you will be surprised to learn that your set of strengths is unique to you; you just tend to discount them and don't see them as assets that enable you to accomplish a number of different types of work or ministry.

Skills, on the other hand, are acquired. You begin building skills on top of your strengths, even though they may be unknown, almost immediately after birth. You will continue to build skills on top of your strength base as you grow and mature. Children at play are building skills, layering them on top of strengths.

So, merely knowing the difference between strengths and skills can be helpful, but what I found especially insightful was HOW to discover your strengths.

I have always had a difficult time determining what my actual strengths are. I've taken several 'strength-finder' type tests, and even after doing so, and maybe even naming some strengths, I seem to eventually second-guess myself and feel like a fool for thinking I'd actually thought it in the first place.

However, Creswell suggests another way to find our strengths that doesn't require the use of an assessment tool. She says,

"A good way to determine your strengths is to start noticing what irritates you about how others operate."

Her reasoning: Since our strengths are so basic to us that we erroneously think everyone else possesses the same ones, we will become frustrated with others when they don't display the behaviors that fit what we consider to be "normal." Now, granted, some people are just irritating. However, if you start to notice a pattern to the things that irritate you... that could give you a clue as to what your strengths actually are!

I don't know... maybe everyone already knew this, but it kind of blew my mind! I haven't really thought it all the way through yet, but when I think about how irritated I can get with people who can't sit and be quiet... I've never considered that could be a strength of mine (solitude/contemplation). Or an awareness of things being out of place (orderliness/detail). I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm just imagining things... but this seems a lot more helpful than any of the assessments I've ever taken.

So, it's something to consider if you're like me and have always struggled with finding your strengths. Maybe give it a try. What irritates you???

Dimensions of discipleship: disciplemaking & personal transformation

I've probably mentioned the weekly coaching group I am part of. One of the recommended books is Robert Logan's, 'The Discipleship Difference.' I have finished it, and hope to someday post a review.

In our coaching group we are using the '8 Dimensions of Discipleship' from the book. We have been tackling two dimensions each week, writing out a short summary of what our life as a disciple looks like through this lens (dimension), and highlighting what has our attention the most from the reflection (kairos). We then take turns working through (leading or being led) a discovery process using the 'learning circle' (I intend to write more about the learning circle someday too).

Logan says the 8 dimensions of discipleship are (as illustrated in the tree above):

1. Experiencing God
2. Spiritual Responsiveness
3. Sacrificial Service
4. Generous Living
5. Disciplemaking
6. Personal Transformation
7. Authentic Relationships
8. Community Transformation

This week we are to cover numbers 5 & 6 (Disciplemaking & Personal Transformation), and I thought I might as well just blog my process as write it down in my notebook.

DISCIPLEMAKING
Logan defines disciplemaking as: Living in obedience to the great commission given by Jesus, which entails making more and better followers of Christ (he defines a disciple of Jesus as "a reflection of God in the world.").

The supporting Scripture is Matthew 28:19-20: "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

The listed "Behavioral Expressions" are:

• Engaging in spiritual conversations with those who are not yet followers of Jesus.
• Explaining the good news and the way of Jesus.
• Establishing new believers in a discipleship process.
• Connecting people with a faith community.
• Helping new followers make more followers.

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION
This is defined as: Changing your attitudes and behaviors in positive ways as a result of your relationship with God and others.

The supporting Scripture is Romans 12:2: "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

Behavioral Expressions:

• Actively engaging with God in the examination of your heart.
• Cooperating with God's healing work in your life.
• Processing feedback and input from others.
• Living out new priorities and changed behavior.
• Increasingly bearing the fruit of the Spirit.

 ----------------

The assignment is: Write down a short summary of what your life as a disciple looks like through this lens, highlighting what has your attention the most from your reflection.

MY REFLECTION:
These are both areas where I have been better in the past than I currently am - even aside from my former "professional" role. Within the past year even I used to love conversations with atheist friends about the Good News and the ways of Jesus. Somewhere along the line I guess I lost my desire, and now I actually will shy AWAY from such conversation.

I suppose a case could be made for a connection between this 'shying away' and my own personal transformation (or lack of). Although, the optimist in me might say I've been in more of a resting/abiding state lately.

Even if I am not actively engaged in disciple-making expressions, I still see value in them, and do not consider myself opposed to or never again living them out. The thing that catches my attention is the area of personal transformation regarding "Cooperating with God's healing work in my life," and "Processing feedback and input from others."

I'm not entirely sure why this is. I do feel like God has been at work in my life lately. However, I also have to admit that I maybe haven't been overly cooperative with him in that regard. Sometimes I will sense I know God wants me to do something, and I honestly just don't want to do it. Whether it is fear, or a lack of trust, I don't know. It is definitely something though, and something I should probably be processing with others.

---------------

So, there ya have it. That's my reflection today; written out while sitting at the front desk at the YMCA. Now I will need to cut and paste it into 'Slack' - the format our coaching group uses to share info with each other - and then hope that I don't get selected to have to work through my kairos at the next meeting. :)

This is where I am

I've been taking a little stock of my life lately. Quite frankly, because I'm feeling a tad thin. Not in weight, but endurance. I/we seem to have had a lot going on for awhile, and we are both somewhat worn down a little.

In analyzing why, I thought it might be helpful to simply assess where I am... what I am currently involved with. There are really only four main areas:

WORK
I have been fortunate to be getting full-time hours at the Y. They haven't exactly been 'stable' in that I've had to do some switching of shifts and covering for the boss while he was on vacation, but at least it's getting better.

My "normal" (if there is such a thing) routine is to open three days a week (5am-1pm), work noon-5pm on Wednesday, and 9am-5pm Friday. That leaves me a little wiggle room in case I need to cover for someone else. Although... last week I opened every day at 5 am.

THE PARKING LOT
I am happy to note that baseball season is over halfway done! Hurray! There are still twenty-some home games left, but I can at least imagine a light at the end of this tunnel.

About every other week/weekend there is a 6-game home-stand where I have to oversee the parking lot beside our church. I've shared before how it doesn't really belong to the church, but whoever owns it allows us to run it and then donates the money to the church youth group (apparently we have one). For some silly reason I volunteered to oversee the 70-game home schedule and take care of set-up/tear-down, scheduling volunteers, counting and dispensing the money collected, as well as any other special circumstances (like when we have to share the lot or allow for other events to take place simultaneously).

It hasn't been 'terrible,' but it is starting to wear on me. The worst part is when I have to stay late at the lot - and out in the hot sun - and then get up at 4 the next morning for work. I probably average 2-4 hours per game, and it doesn't really make any difference if someone else is taking the tickets or not. Set-up and handling the money are the two biggest chores.

If I do this again next year there are some changes I'd like to make. One is to maybe have some other people involved. If, say, three different people each took a couple months at a time, that would help. We will see.

RUNNING
Another time-consuming aspect of my life has been training for this marathon. It just takes time to run. I am currently at 4/7/4 during the week (4 miles Tuesday/7 Wednesday/4 Thursday), and a long run on Saturday. This coming Saturday I am scheduled to do 14 miles. Those numbers will increase as the weeks pass (sometimes taking a brief step back before going up further).

My legs/knees/feet actually feel pretty good. I just feel a little run-down though (no pun intended). I don't know if it's lack of sleep, too much vodka, or a combination of things. At any rate, this is an area of my life I don't want to let slide. I've had a full marathon on my wish-list for too long, and this is the furthest I've gotten so far. So, again, we will see. It feels good to have something I am working at/towards.

COACHING GROUP
The only other thing taking up time in my life is my Thursday coaching group. I am a participant in this group, and I suppose it could be called a "discipleship coaching group." My pastor leads it, and it's with people from all over the country. There are probably a half dozen of us. I believe he started doing this as a part of 3dm, but has since left that organization (for the same reasons I soured on it).

It really only requires an hour a week for the actual internet gathering, but there is outside reading and homework. I am somewhat enjoying it, actually. It's just one of those things I need to schedule.

OTHERWISE
Beyond that... I do still meet with Tom once a week for breakfast. Hopefully this will be a lifelong thing. We've been doing it... I don't know... since 1999. It is still good for my soul, and probably helps me in ways I don't even think about.

I've been trying to read at least several days per week. I can't recall the name of the book right now - something about 'The Discipleship Difference' by Robert Logan. It's not bad, for a church book.

Otherwise... I try to sleep or nap, and keep my commitments to a minimum. I'm trying to make this the marathon summer. It is occasionally interrupted with visits to the parents and others, and I don't really consider them interruptions. Eventually the parking lot will end, the marathon will be done, and then I hope to enjoy some boring evenings on the couch with the love of my life again.

So, there ya go.

Reminders rather than answers

Could it be that perhaps we've become so tired of people telling us what to do and believe and how to act... that we've forgotten a large part of our faith?

As a follower of Christ (a Christian), I was reminded by an acquaintance the other day of some simple truths. Truths from Scripture, and life in general. There was nothing earth-shattering or profound, but it has really made me stop and think. It was also quite encouraging!

REMEMBER
Christianity has been built upon stories, and the telling and re-telling of those stories. From the beginning we've been reminded of the need to... Remember how you were delivered from slavery; remember who sustained you; remember who you are and who you belong to; remember your first love; and on and on and on.

I don't know that it was necessarily the fault of evangelicals, but at least in my circles, one day it seemed all the "remembering" (or reminding) somehow developed into trying to tell people what to believe and do. A strand of the faith ran about thinking themselves the moral police and believing they had the answers that everyone else needed - whether they were looking for them or not!

REBOUND
I count myself complicit, and even still, I grew tired of it as well. Few, if any, want to be told what to do, how to live, what they're doing wrong, or given answers to questions they're not asking. And, I suppose it's a natural response at some point to then become resistant to the notion of answers entirely. The temptation, or tendency, can be a lean toward the complete opposite spectrum where NO ONE has answers. We might even start to believe we don't even know anything ourselves!

This is where I think I've been lately. While I still considered myself to be a person of faith, I had quite honestly lost perspective on what my faith meant. I had certainly forgotten to rely on my faith - reminding myself of the truths of Scripture and who I am, and whose I am.

So, a simple reminder that I am not defined by my past, or my mistakes, or what others may think of me, was quite refreshing. In fact, it almost feels restorative. Being reminded of these truths seems to have rekindled something inside me. It almost too easy, and maybe that's the beauty of it all.

REDIRECT
This sparked a memory from my coaching training. A big part of how I was trained as a Christian Leadership Coach was that the client is the one with the answers (rather than the person doing the coaching). That doesn't mean the coach has no answers, but that we use what we know to try to help the client discover what they already know. Sometimes it's tempting to think we then only have to ask questions. However, a vital element in personal coaching is the occasional use of DIRECT MESSAGES. Direct messages are brief nuggets of truth intended to offer direction. I was taught a direct message should be no more than seven words, and should be offered sparingly. So, something like a reminder.

To close this out, it's interesting that my mind wandered to good old Neil T. Anderson - the Freedom in Christ/Victory Over Darkness/Bondage Breaker guy - and his "Who I Am In Christ" list. I remember the first time I saw this and was "reminded" of these truths, I found it to be quite powerful. You can click the link for a more in-depth description of each, but here are the basics:

• I AM ACCEPTED...
• I AM SECURE...
• I AM SIGNIFICANT...

 So let it be written; so let it be done. :)

Wellness for life coaching training

Today I attended training to be a 'Wellness For Life' coach with the Y. It was from 9:30-12:30 at the Jorgensen branch and Kirk(?) was the instructor.

Unfortunately I was late - which I do not like to be. I swear, when I registered for the program on the website, it said "This class will be held at the Central branch." I should have known to double-check before today, because it was not there. I looked like an idiot when I showed up at Central and asked about it. So I headed across town to Jorgensen and was 20 minutes late. I basically only missed the introductions of the other 6 people in the class though.

Wellness For Life is a complimentary program at the Y designed to provide support in your pursuit of healthier living. A wellness coach meets with you one-on-one to help guide you in setting goals, provide support, resources and help you determine your personalized wellness program.

A big thing the Y tries to stress is that it's not just an exercise facility. Wellness For Life is not just about exercise either. One tool we can use is called the "wellness wheel," which touches on the areas of: health, achievement, belonging, relationships, meaning, safety, character, giving, and inspiration. The instructor also suggested we could break 'health' into 'exercise' and 'nutrition' as separate dimensions.

It was a worthwhile class. I'm not sure how much I will use it at the branch I currently work, but my goal is to take advantage of as much learning as possible and see where it may someday lead me.

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Speaking of work. Yesterday I worked 10 hours, and I was the only staff person there for all but 3 hours. I opened at 5 am and was originally supposed to work until 9 am. That person had a conflict and had already worked it out with the person who was suppose to work from noon-4pm to come in early. So I thought I would get off around 10 or 11. The noon-4 person then called and said they were sick. My boss only came in early in the morning to work out because he then had a meeting and was taking the afternoon off. So I texted the guy scheduled to work 4-8 and he said he could come in at 3. So I worked 5 am to 3 pm. At least it was a slow day, so I finished a book; and Jane's office is just a couple blocks away, so she got me something for lunch. I really didn't mind it, but it would have been kind of nice to have known beforehand. Oh well.

Personal trainer certification

This week I started looking into becoming a certified personal trainer. There are a million ways/places to get certified, so I asked my boss if he had any suggestions. He said anymore you might as well just do it online, and he recommended five places in particular:

• ACE - American Council on Exercise
• AFAA - Athletics and Fitness Association of America
• NASM - National Academy of Sports Medicine
• ACSM - American College of Sports Medicine
• NSCA - National Strength and Conditioning Association

I admit, sometimes I catch myself thinking, "Geez, Dan, here we go again. Spending a bundle of money on yet another rabbit trail that you won't do anything with." I mean, I'm 55 years old; when am I going to decide what I'm going to be when I grow up?!

On the other hand, maybe this is where life has been leading me all along. I posted this bit about being a 'wellness coach' back in 2015 - before I'd even thought about being a personal trainer. This might actually be the perfect fit with my life coaching, interest in meditation, yoga, spirituality,sports  and fitness.

From the little I've been able to glean so far it appears it will take anywhere from 3-6 months, and I will probably have to spend upwards of $500-$1000. That sounds like a lot of money, but if I could actually do something with it... Well, yeah, that will be the key.

While I do have my doubts about it, I also feel pretty good that I am still interested in learning and growing at this age. I also like the idea of working somewhat on my own. Since I already work for the Y, I wouldn't need to seek out clients necessarily, nor would I need to invest in my own gym. However, I always could do those things.

So... I don't know. It's something I'm thinking about.

Presuppositions

I am in the process of taking a Udemy course for another Life Coaching certification. This one is taught by Kain Ramsy, and the other day he covered what he calls "presuppositions," or core beliefs important for good coaching. Hopefully he won't mind me sharing, but I thought these were good. Not only is it helpful when addressing clients, but I would like to do a better job of holding onto these in everyday life. They are good reminders for us all.

LIFE COACHING PRESUPPOSITIONS:

1. No such thing as a bad intention. In other words, an individual is not their behavior. If/when we do stupid things, it is not likely we woke up intending to do so. It simply seemed like the best course of action at the time. What we often need is a picture of a better way. We can't jump to conclusions about what we think people's intentions are/were. A coach's job is often to help people reframe their reality to see the better way forward.
2. The past doesn't equal the future. We usually base the decisions we make based on what we have done in the past and the resulting consequences. As life coaches our goal is to help people see that just because something happened this way in the past doesn't mean it always will.
3. No one is broken. Thinking we are broken and beyond repair is a limiting belief that, while it may seem true to us at the time, simply is not in reality. What people often need is to be shown the light about who they/we really are.
4. Everything is achievable. There is nothing people cannot achieve if they have the right strategy (time, preparation, training). Good coaches will help you develop this strategy. [Though I might argue the value of skill to some degree].
5. Empowerment comes via responsibility. Many live disempowered lives because they haven't taken full responsibility for their lives. Just because things have happened to us, we always have a choice in how we act and respond. Realizing this empowers people to develop the resilience to push through setbacks.

Again, I really liked these. They seem so simple, but it's often the simplest, most elementary of beliefs that can derail us. I see that as one of the main directives of coaching - reminding people of the truth and helping them realize a different alternative.

Coaching: clients, consideration, corners

CLIENTS
I now have another coaching client! Yippee! Yesterday I met with a pastor here in Fort Wayne who is my second client. He was referred to me by my 'other' client, actually. Of course, the problem with both is that I'm still not making any money. But it's a start!

I am counting my first client as Tom (which is true). We started taking turns coaching one another during our initial training session several years ago. We still meet on a weekly basis, but stopped logging hours some time ago. Sure, a lot of the time we're just chatting, but some coaching still takes place.

Yesterday was set up through Tom. He felt a pastor in his cluster could benefit from it, so I met with the guy and we agreed to keep going.

CONSIDERATION
I also had a bit of an epiphany yesterday. I NEED TO START THINKING OF MYSELF AS A COACH. I am currently self-employed, and I do personal coaching. Granted, I don't have many clients, but that's what I do. Sure, I will likely need at least a part-time outside job to supplement my income (or have any income), but it seems the best way to lean into a career in coaching is to start by thinking of myself as a coach. So, from now on, when people ask what I do, I am going to say that I do personal coaching (or clarity coaching).

I like the idea of "personal" or "clarity" coaching because it adds some definition. That is actually what I intend to do - it's on a personal level, and is intended to help my clients achieve clarity in whatever it is they need it for.

CORNERS
I feel like simply changing the way I think has taken me around a corner, so to speak. Most of my days are now spent reading, listening & learning about coaching, starting a business, and I'm still working on getting my dhccoaching.com website going a little better. It's pretty rough at the moment, but I haven't spent much time on it.

So, while the money is not yet flowing in, I feel like there is at least some forward movement. It doesn't hurt that just today I also received a call from a recruiter and a seperate email invition for an interview. I don't believe either will work out, but needless to say it's nice to be wanted for a change. :)

New coaching website

I decided I'd probably ought to set up a coaching website in the event anything transpires with that. Tom and I let the old 'elevate coach' site lapse and someone snatched up the domain name. I didn't really feel like forking over $69 to buy it, so I started something new.

Yesterday I bought dhccoaching.com. I guess that will be the home of my new coaching site. I am just using a blogger site - because I'm familiar with it - but haven't had a chance to add much content yet. The dhc stands for 'Dan Horwedel Clarity' coaching.

Ugh. Here we go again. It is at least good for me to have to think through all the pages and information I'll be putting on the site.

Coaching license renew, car repair, exercise

COACHING LICENSE RENEWAL
I mentioned yesterday on the blog that I wanted to renew my coaching certification for at least another year. I did so right after posting it. I'd already taken my required class for the year, and just needed to pay my $75 renewal fee. If only I could make that money back somehow.....

I don't know if I will pursue the coaching anymore seriously or not, but at least I will be able to if I want to. I actually met someone at church last week who does coaching, and when she found out about me she asked if I would be interested in doing more. Again, I'm not sure, but I figure it wouldn't hurt me to review some of my notes and books and things. Who knows.

BUICK SERPENTINE BELT
I took the '02 Buick Century in this morning to have a new serpentine belt put on, as well as the license plate bulb. The belt and assembly cost $157 alone, and it was $252.50 altogether. I suppose I could have looked up online how to do it myself, but I am past the point of doing any kind of car maintenance myself. It helps to have a mechanic you can trust. So, once again I went over to the Burger King at Southgate Plaza and had breakfast while they did it. It only took about a half hour.

EXERCISE
I also got up early and went to the Skyline Y for the first time today! Jane and I left the house at 6 am and worked out for an hour. It is much nicer, or at least newer, than the central branch where I've been before. It doesn't have as many things, and the locker room is pretty small, but at least the showers have partitions and curtains. So I jogged 2 miles on the treadmill (30 minutes), did the crazy eliptical thing for about 6 minutes (almost died), and then used the rowing machine for about 12 minutes. It actually felt good to get up and do something. Gave me a little extra giddy-up in my step, at least for awhile.

So, counting the sweat I worked up roller skating on Saturday, and Jane and I worked out at the central branch for an hour Sunday, and I jogged a couple miles on the treadmill at home on Monday, I'm actually doing pretty good in the workout department this week.

For the record, I weighed myself Sunday at the Y and I was 178.6 lbs with my clothes on. That's quite a bit for me. I am hoping the first 10 lbs will come off without too much trouble. The problem will be the remaining 10-20 that need to go.

I would like to start going to the Y before work each day. If I left the house around 7:30 am I could get in an hour workout, shower, and still be to work in plenty of time by 9:30. I would prefer going to Central because there's free parking, but, to be honest, I hate taking a shower in the giant room with a bunch of other naked old guys. So we will see what I can work out about parking at Skyline. At any rate, I feel pretty good about crossing a couple things off my list already this week.

Coaching crash

Well, I've decided to hang up my whistle and not renew my certificate in leadership coaching with Coach Approach Ministries.

I was notified the other day that it was that time again. They also said I hadn't taken my continuing education credits this year, but I think they're mistaken. I took a class in Findlay, Ohio earlier this year (unless that was last year). At any rate, I can no longer justify paying a fee to keep a certification I rarely if ever use.

In a way I'm a little sad, because I do like this kind of coaching. But the truth is I just don't do it enough, nor take it serious enough. I lack the confidence and emotional stamina at the moment, and I just don't see that changing a lot. Plus I'm probably just not respected enough to ever make a go of it (and rightfully so). So... it was fun while it lasted. I don't regret it and I did learn a bunch. I'm glad I did it but it's time to move on.