Called to...

Do you know your calling in life? Surely we all have one... right?

I remember some of my finer days as a pastor, believing I was right in the center of God's will for my life. Like, 'THIS' is what I was made to do! And maybe it was. Or maybe we're called to... something other.

Yesterday I read Matthew's biblical account of Jesus calling Simon Peter, Andrew, James and John. They were apparently all fisherman by trade, and Jesus called them to be fishers of men.

In the church world it has often been understood that people are 'called' to be missionaries, pastors, and other ministry positions. And, if a church needs Sunday School teachers, you convince people God is calling them to that. The same with elders, deacons, nursery workers, etc.

Of course there have been countless cases of people giving up promising careers to serve in some of these ways. Many leave family and friends to that place God is leading them. I don't deny this, but I've also known pastors, missionaries and the like who weren't really following... Jesus.

Sometimes we have our own understanding of what it means to serve, and/or follow. It's possible we could even be following ourselves, or at least our own expectations and beliefs.

In N.T. Wright's 'Matthew for Everyone' he suggests... Jesus may or may not be calling us to a different occupation... but he IS calling us to follow him; his teachings, his ways... in how we live. Things like honesty, integrity, faith, hope and love.

Sometimes I think a different job might make it easier for me to follow Jesus ("his call"). That could be true in certain cases. Or, maybe it's not about occupation, and more about simply following him in whatever we're doing.

So the question is: whose call am I listening to?

***

Mathtew 4:18-23

"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee he saw two brothers, Simon (also called Peter) and Andrew his brother. They were fisherman, and were casting nets into the sea.

'Follow me!' said Jesus. 'I'll make you fish for people!'

Straight away they abandoned their nets and followed him.

He went on further, and saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother. They were in the boat, mending their nets, with Zebedee their father. He called them. At once they left the boat, and their father, and followed him."

He went on through the whole of Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, healing every disease and every illness among the people."

Matthew beats psalms

 

"There are a lot of books and we are but mortals." - James Colley

Before anyone gets the wrong idea... I don't really like Matthew better than the book of Psalms (nor did Matt beat up Psal). I did make a change in my morning devotional reading though.

I have been trying to use Walter Brueggemann's 'The Message of the Psalms' for devotions. It's not that I don't like it, or that it's not interesting... it just wasn't working. I don't really even know why, and it seems a waste of time to analyze. So, rather than just not doing devotions (which I seemed to be skipping more and more), I decided it was simply time to change books.

I have previously worked my way through N.T. Wright's "For Everyone" series on the books of Mark, Luke, and John, and pretty much loved every minute of it. So I decided I may as well start in on Matthew, which I did today.

These commentary-like books are perfect for me for daily devotions - which I then journal alongside as well. Each section is just a few pages, and they're not too deep but not totally void of content either. Here's the little blurb Amazon uses:

"N. T. Wright has undertaken a tremendous task: to provide guides to all the books of the New Testament, and to include in them his own translation of the entire text. Each short passage is followed by a highly readable discussion, with background information, useful explanations and suggestions, and thoughts as to how the text can be relevant to our lives today. A glossary is included at the back of the book. The series is suitable for group study, personal study, or daily devotions."

So, I made the switch - back. Nothing earth-shattering, but I can tend to feel like I'm giving up on someone if I stop reading a book. Silly, I know. This little article by Colley helped some: "The Joy of Not Finishing Books." :)

***

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." - 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Always a beginner

I have been enjoying using Thomas Merton's 'Contemplative Prayer' for my daily devotions. Not so much because it is written well (it's not, really), but taking one small chapter a day, and letting it soak in... Plus the content - reading about these ancient mystics, and the struggle between 'active prayer' and 'contemplative prayer'; and being drawn 'away from' the world or more 'into' the world. Stuff that for so many is mere nonsense, but is very real within my own self.

One reading I found particularly enthralling was in chapter 3. Merton says...

"One cannot begin to face the real difficulties of the life of prayer and meditation unless one is first perfectly content to be a beginner and really experience himself as one who knows little or nothing, and has a desperate need to learn the bare rudiments. Those who think they 'know' from the beginning will never, in fact, come to know anything."

"We do not want to be beginners. But let us be convinced of the fact that we will never be anything else but beginners all our life!"

We all know how annoying the "know-it-alls" can be. And who among us really knows it all anyway? Only One.

I feel like this is an important attitude with which to face life. I am so often guilty of thinking I know "better" than someone else. And maybe sometimes we actually do. Yet how much more could we learn and grow if we considered ourselves always-a-beginner?

I recall reading some years ago about how, when a child tells you something, you should act as though you are learning it for the first time too. Because even if you already knew it, it's a discovery for them, and for them to think you can just be learning something with them reinforces that we can all always be learning. Always beginners.

Which reminds me of this fantastic thought from G.K. Chesterton:

"Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, 'Do it again'; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, 'Do it again' to the sun; and every evening, 'Do it again' to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we." 

I love that thought, and the idea of always being a beginner. Sort of a curiosity about life, and things.

I wish I were better at it. Here's to hoping...

***

"For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." - 1 Corinthians 2:2

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." -- 1 Corinthians 13:12

 

Barabbas and the Cyrene

My daily reading in Luke (and N.T. Wright's 'Luke for Everyone' commentary) was quite compelling the other day (quite a few days ago now; I need to just post this). In Luke 23:13-26 they bring Jesus before Pilate, he tries to set him free but the people demand Barabbas be set free instead; then, when they're leading Jesus to his dying hill, they recruit Simon the Cyrene to carry his cross.

I've always thought this section was about Pilate - washing his hands of anything to do with Jesus. Whether he liked him or not, it wasn't going to be on his head if Jesus lived or died. Or, you know, the fact that we all must face Jesus and decide if we will wash our hands of him, or stick up for him. Stuff like that.

Anyway, Wright suggested this section - at least Luke's take on it - is much more about Barabbas and the Cyrene bystander. I don't know if I'd ever thought about it like that.

SMALL PARTS INSTEAD OF MAIN CHARACTERS

He says...

"All sinners, all rebels, all the human race are invited to see themselves in the figure of Barabbas; and, as we do so, we discover in this story that Jesus comes to take our place, under condemnation for sins and wickedness great and small. In the strange justice of God, which overrules the unjust 'justice' of Rome and every human system, God's mercy reaches out where human mercy could not, not only sharing, but in this case substituting for, the sinner's fate."

"It is because of this that the call goes out, once we realize what Jesus is doing, for each of us to take up our own cross and follow him."

...

"Simon becomes the model for all those who, in devotion, holiness and service, tread behind Jesus on the road of humility, pain and even death."

"...as we reflect on the role of the small parts within Luke's large drama, we should remind ourselves that our own parts, small though they may seem, may also contribute substantially to the work of the gospel as it goes forward."

I don't know that major characters have no role in God's kingdom breaking out, but it seems there are way more "small" characters involved in it in the Bible. Barabbas, even though he deserved to die (at least in the mind of Pilate), is set free by Jesus. Simon, just happening past on his way from Africa (perhaps he thought of it as being in the wrong place at the wrong time), ends up serving a pretty big role in the eternal scope of things.

In my better moments I think of this on the small scale of me going to work each day; having little visits with my grandchildren from time to time; interactions with strangers on the street or in the grocery aisle... Are these Kingdom interactions? Yes, I think they are. Or should be.

Was Barabbas ever aware of what happened to Jesus and who he really was? We don't know. How about Simon? Did he go home and tell all his friends about carrying the cross for the Savior of the world, or complain about some yocal who couldn't even carry his own? Or, was this just another day for these smallish people, and no thought was given? Like, when you say 'hi' to someone, or flip off the car in front of you?

I don't know... I was simply struck on this day how much more we are like 'Barabbas who has been set free' and 'Simon who is called into service' than we are someone in the position of Pilate. Or maybe that's just me...

***

Luke 23:13-26

"So Pilate called the chief priests, the rulers and the people.

'You brought this man before me,' he said to them, 'on the grounds that he was leading the people astray. Look here, then: I examined him in your presence and I found no evidence in him of the charges you're bringing against him. Nor did Herod; he sent him back to me. Look: there is no sign that he's done anything to deserve death. So I'm going to flog him and let him go.'

'Take him away!' they shouted out all together. 'Release Barabbas for us!' (Barabbas had been thrown into prison because of an uprising that had taken place in the city, and for murder.) Pilate spoke to them again, with the intention of letting Jesus go, but they shouted back, 'Crucify him! Crucify him!'

'Why?' he said for the third time. 'What's he done wrong? I can't find anything he's done that deserves death, so I'm going to beat him and let him go.'

But they went on shouting out at the tops of their voices, demanding that he be crucified; and eventually their shouts won the day. Pilate gave his verdict that their request should be granted. He released the man who'd been thrown into prison because of rebellion and murder, and gave Jesus over to their demands.

As they led him away, they grabbed a man from Cyrene called Simon, who was coming to the city from outside, and they forced him to carry the crossbeam behind Jesus."

Running thoughts

 There are so many things to say... or at least so much I'd like to say; so much others are saying; so much I feel like should be said...

And I really just don't know.

Don't you think most of us think we have this inner inkling - for lack of a better way to describe it - that gives us insight, and we simply cannot fathom how the 'other side' can be so stupid, so gullible, so duped?

This morning I read part of Luke chapter 11, where Jesus gives his "woe to you" lashings to Pharisees, lawyers and scribes. And they're like, "Hey, Jesus, you're kind of hurting our feelings." Like, they have no clue why he's saying these things TO THEM. They see themselves as the 'right' ones. Don't we all see ourselves that way? You know, how everyone with a gun thinks they're the "good guy with a gun."

I don't know. It got me to thinking... what about me? What am I missing? And that maybe the point of it is... I don't need to be the one who knows or is right. I need to know the ONE who knows and is right.

I mean, I've written before about my loathing of the president. I even posted on Facebook yesterday this thought I had: "Joe Biden wasn't my first choice, but it may turn out he's the absolute best choice for America at this point in history." I really thought that was profound. I thought it logical, reasonable, sensible. I believe it to be true! Yet I know there are a slough of people who think it totally moronic.

At some point, maybe we have to admit that none of us knows anything. Sure, we have to make choices and decisions, but I think we have to always be aware that we could be just as batshit crazy as the next person. It's that 'taking ourselves lightly' approach. I know I certainly need to take myself more lightly... about just about everything.

So, I don't know, that's just something I was thinking today. Emphasis on "I don't know."

***

Now, as for actual RUNNING thoughts...

I ran again yesterday for the first time in a week. Once the pain and swelling subsided from the gout, I'd been trying to walk a few miles each day, but I didn't want to rush back to running too soon. I was just going to see how it went yesterday morning, and it went great!

I ended up making myself stop running at 5.1 miles, then walked another mile; and I did most of it at a 9:15-ish clip - which is pretty fast for me. I intended to do a light jog... but I felt SO GOOD. 

It's scary when I feel good like that. You know, because it usually means something bad is about to happen. But it hasn't. Yet.

My legs feel as good as they ever have. Ever. My feet and ankles... aren't terrible. Seriously, the top of my right foot bothers me some (what one doctor deemed mid-foot arthritis), but even that is way better than it had been. I still think it was more tendon related. Overall I don't feel tired or worn down or sore or tight or anything. It is literally the best I've felt in a long time.

So, yes, I'm still pondering another marathon next month. I don't know if it's stupid to do another one so soon, or if I'm stupid not to. I could just do a half marathon. It's not like that's anything to sneeze at. But... I don't know. I guess we'll see. One day at a time; that sort of thing.

A lot can happen in the blink of an eye.

***

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Running on...

Yesterday I went for my first run after the marathon on Saturday. It was just a 5k followed by a mile walk, but that is the soonest I've run anything following a marathon. And I felt great! No pain, soreness, stiffness or anything! It was easy to smile, and while I wasn't intending to push myself I still managed about a 9:30 pace.

So... I'd really like to try for this marathon in November. I'm not much of a cold-weather runner though, so we will have to see how it goes. I will likely just shoot for an 8-10 mile run this weekend, and then alternate mid-to-long runs up until early November.

***

Otherwise, things are pretty much just a muddled mess in the world as far as I'm concerned.

I did not watch the first presidential debate. I rarely have watched them. I especially wanted nothing to do with this one. And I'll be honest... DT repulses me! He always had - even when he was just a celebrity. There is absolutely nothing he could say or do at this point to change my mind about who I will vote for. Maybe I'm wrong, but I just can't. And this whole thing of "it's about the policies not the man"... Pfft. Seriously?!? The position of President of the United States is too big a role and requires too much responsibility. Besides, there is no amount of policy (if he even had any) that could make up for what he lacks.

Anyway... I say all that and... my devotions this morning was the Good Samaritan passage. Yeah, I know. I don't feel particularly neighborly right now, and it's tempting to think to myself, "I know, I should show DT some mercy." However, I think it's possible to show mercy but still maintain a sense of integrity about who qualifies for a position of leadership. So while I need to work on how I feel about him personally, it doesn't change whether I think he should be president or not.

As I finished reading the Good Samaritan passage in about 12 different Bible translations, I finally opened up Facebook. Wouldn't you know what the very first thing on my newsfeed was:

"Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family." - Henri Nouwen, You Are the Beloved

I love that quote. I've shared it many times on my own feed. But... dang... that is really difficult.

So I spent the next couple hours chewing on these two fine pieces of literature (and thought). I started several Facebook posts about one or the other or both... and finally just decided to write here...

It seems so... impossible. Can America survive DT? Will it be better or worse if he is replaced? I can't imagine him in a 2nd term, but I also can't imagine what his maniacal followers will do if/when he is replaced.

And then I think about running. You know, there was a time when the idea of me running a marathon seemed impossible. Let alone me running TWO marathons in the same year! So, I guess there's a lesson to be found.

Things look pretty dark in the world right now. It may take a lot of little acts of forgiveness and being neighborly (training in righteousness)... But perhaps it is possible after all.

***

One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?”

The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”

The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.

“By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.

“Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’

“Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked.

The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.”

Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”

(Luke 10:25-37)

 

Traumatic aversion

I have a strong dislike of traumatic events. And... you're probably thinking, "Well, duh, who doesn't?!" I know, I know. I think I've lost my ability to deal with them very well though.

The other day at work a lady came in in a total state of panicked, sobbing, wailing, out-of-control hysteria. Fortunately she rushed past me and soon had several people holding her up and offering assistance. It turns out her boyfriend was in the physical therapy office, and while she waited for him in the car out front she received a phone call that her son had been found dead. There were a few other significant factors contributing to the turmoil (like the baby she'd left in the car, for one). It was a big chaotic for what seemed like way longer than it probably was.

So, where was I when all this occurred? I was out of the way! I stayed behind my desk, I cleaned disinfectant bottles, I folded towels, I hid around the corner... anything I could do to avoid the situation. As I said, fortunately there were plenty of other people around to offer her aid. But I wondered what would have happened if it had been up to me??

I am not one to be depended on. Oh, sure, I can show up for work on time, do mundane rituals that don't matter. I'm not really one of those "go to" people though. And I don't know if I ever was, or if I've developed this aversion over time.

I think back just to my pastor-ing days. Three weeks in and I had my first funeral - for a 13-year-old killed in an ultralight plane crash. I didn't know the parents, and barely knew some relatives who right away came and got me. A couple of them let me know later how poorly they thought I handled the situation.

Of course, there were other events... Teen pregnancies, another teen shot and killed, child abuse, sex offenders, couples dealing with infidelity, murder, children born with life-threatening issues, not to mention just the normal life and death stuff that happens. In my mind, one of my greatest failures was during the last days of the one person most responsible for hiring me in the first place. He died a cruel death and I simply could not bring myself to be there. I mean, I was there, as in being present, but I wasn't THERE for him. I couldn't take it.

Plenty of teachers and mentors tried to tell me not to get too invested in the lives of the people in the church. I couldn't do it though. I didn't believe it was right or fair. I'm not sure what I would do if I had it to do over again.

Anyway, I think about all that... And about the - I don't know if I had an actual nervous breakdown or a near-nervous breakdown - whatever it was, I guess I'm not over it.

I am a weak person emotionally. I can't take a lot. I'd like to think I could do way more than I think I'm capable, but then again, maybe not. I am honestly afraid of finding myself back where I was... then. I don't want to go there.

Some people think I'm just being a wuss. Maybe. I read a thing this morning on why Don Trump appeals to some of the people who are his most ardent supporters. It's because they see him as strong and liberals as weak. Perhaps this is why I have such a dislike for him, and them.

Anyway, I guess this is more a journal entry than anything, because I have no answers. I'm simply trying to find my way to The Answer. Hoping there is One who holds it all together.

And, please, don't be concerned. I am fine. I just witnessed someone suffering trauma this week, and am thinking things through. That's what I do. I guess.

***

2 Corinthians 12:8-9
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

What if jesus was a jerk

It's a constant battle for me to have a good attitude at work. It has nothing at all to do with the work though - I actually like that. It's the working with and for people.

You've probably heard it said that most people don't quit jobs, they quit bosses. There's probably some truth to that. Although, I know I can be equally difficult as a worker too.

Just this morning I arrived at work and found a piece of equipment out of order. It took all of three seconds for me to fix. My initial thought was, "There, I solved that, and also saved the company $100 bucks or so by not having to call a repairman." I felt pretty good about myself. Wouldn't you know it, though, but pretty soon my mind is telling me all sorts of nasties like: "But no one cares"... "No one appreciates me"... "Why do I even work here?"... and on and on.

In a matter of minutes I went from feeling good about my work to hating my job. And I was the only one involved in the process!

To be fair to myself, those thoughts I had came from experience. People are fickle, self-centered, and generally don't care. So I often discount that verse in the bible about doing our work "as for the Lord." Because the Lord isn't my boss in real life. But I got to thinking about that...

I was reminded of Matthew 25 where Jesus tells his followers:

^"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’"

You know, I KNOW people like that... The hungry, the stranger, the poor, sick, and in prison. Some of them are not exactly nice people. And Jesus says, "Yep, I can be like that."

I've never really thought about Jesus being a jerk. So should that change how we treat him? I don't think so. Because I'm not sure our attitude is as much about him as it is about US. Having a bad attitude at work doesn't harm anyone but... me! It really is to my benefit to have a good attitude - regardless of how anyone treats me. It will make the day go so much better. 

I don't know. This was all kind of a passing thought I had so I just sat down and wrote it out. It may make no sense at all later on. Still, I think I've generally always thought that Jesus has forever been this kind soul who would never hurt a flea. Maybe. But it's also possible he could show himself as a jerk sometimes - if for no other reason than to see how we respond. Hmm...

***

Colossians 3:23-24
^"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Biers and professional mourners

You know how sometimes during your devotional reading you will have these profound feelings of "aha" - like you met God himself - and other times it's just... meh? Well today was neither. It was a simple and practical "I never knew that."

I am reading through N.T. Wright's 'Luke for Everyone' commentary, and today covered Luke 7:11-17. It's the account of Jesus raising the widow's son. It's a bit peculiar in that there was no faith shown by anyone and no one asked Jesus to bring the boy back to life... he just did it. That is certainly interesting, but it's not what I got out of it today.

In Wright's translation of the text he used the word "bier." I had to google it, because I was not familiar. According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary, a bier is:

1 : a stand on which a corpse or coffin is placed also : a coffin together with its stand. 2 archaic : a framework for carrying.

Well, who knew? But what I found even more fascinating than that was the reason for 'professional mourners'. As Wright says,

"The professional mourners and wailers are there, making plenty of noise so that friends and relatives, and particularly the poor mother, can cry their hearts out without the embarrassment of making a scene all by themselves."

I don't think I ever knew that! What a splendid idea. So much better than the detached solemnity of most western funerals.

I can only remember one funeral I've attended where these people were present and active. It was an African-American funeral, and while I didn't realize it at the time, I do have to say it probably served its purpose.

Anyway, that's about all I've got. I am tired today. I don't think it's lack of sleep, but more likely all the chaos of life in the trump era and uncertainty not only of the future, but it seems every single day is so much drama. I wish every Monday were a holiday...

***

Luke 7:11-17
Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.”

Then he went up and touched the bier they were carrying him on, and the bearers stood still. He said, “Young man, I say to you, get up!” The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.
 
They were all filled with awe and praised God. “A great prophet has appeared among us,” they said. “God has come to help his people.” This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea and the surrounding country.

This and that... resistance

I can't really think of any one thing to write about, so this will be some bits and pieces I've picked up the last couple days.

Motivation is difficult for me right now. It seems everything is in chaos. I'd like to blame tRump for it all, but while he is certainly guilty of more than his fair share, he has plenty of help.

TEMPTATION

I'm still enjoying N.T. Wright's 'Luke for Everyone' commentary series. Yesterday was Luke 4:1-13 about Jesus' temptation. On Jesus not responding to the devil with an argument, N.T. says,

"Arguing with temptation is often a way of playing with the idea until it becomes too attractive to resist."

 This is true. The longer it dwells the bigger the temptation swells. Best to just nip it in the bud and move on.

Today's reading was the scene where Jesus returns to Nazareth and reads the Isaiah passage in the synagogue and then says it's about him. Everyone got upset and wanted to throw him off a cliff - though not because of his arrogance. It was because Jesus was saying God was going to rescue the wrong people! God wasn't only going to help them... but everyone! They kinda sorta were hoping all that grace stuff would be all theirs. They didn't want any part in being a blessing to others. And some things never change...

WHAT DID JESUS WEAR?

Somewhere I ran across this little article on what Jesus wore. The writer says it probably wasn't what we thought, though I don't know that what he describes is all that different than what I thought... Anyway, it was an interesting short read... 'What Did Jesus Wear?'

HUMILITY

The article 'How To Become More Humble' probably caught my eye not so much because I thought *I* needed it, but maybe it was because of the first night of the Republican National Convention (or the recent news about Jerry Falwell Jr.).

At any rate, it is a very short, concise, well-written piece about something ALL OF US could use.

Humility involves (a) awareness: an accurate self-awareness of one's strengths and weakness, (b) openness: the ability to openly accept feedback and criticism while presenting your own views respectfully, and (c) empathy: an empathic concern for the well-being of other people.

The way to get there:

1. Seek feedback
2. Set aside defensiveness
3. Focus on empathy

***

So, as I try to resist the urge to discuss politics or give in to my fears... I hope to focus more on facing my own temptations, looking to Jesus, and growing more humble. Whether I do it or not... who knows... but it seems better than the alternatives.

James 4:6-10
"But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.”

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

Where is jesus?

Oof... I don't know about you, but life has been... weird lately. Pandemics, politics, and plenty more. I have to admit, my faith has not been stellar. I've had a lot - A LOT - of questions tumbling 'round in my brain.

For some odd reason I keep coming back to this simple story from my morning devotions early this week. It's the account of the boy Jesus as told in Luke 2:41-52. His parents went to Jerusalem every year for the Passover festival. When Jesus was twelve, they went as usual, and when the festival was over they started the journey back. They were "a day's journey" before they started looking for him and discovered he was missing. So they headed back to Jerusalem. It was THE THIRD DAY when they found the boy sitting among the teachers. Everyone was amazed at his understanding. Except, apparently, his parents.

The text of verse 48 says, "When they saw him they were quite overwhelmed. 'Child,' said his mother, 'why did you do this to us? Look - your father and I have been in a terrible state looking for you!'"

Haha... did you catch that? They left their son in Jerusalem, and then Mary has the audacity to scold Jesus for what he did to THEM! :) There has to be a little humor here, right?

Anyway, I am not attempting to explain the text or anything. I mean, we all want to blame someone when something goes wrong - and it's usually someone else! Plus, haven't we all been told over and over and over again that Jesus is always with us?

I am reading through Luke using N.T. Wright's paraphrase and wonderful commentary in 'Luke for Everyone.' There were two simple phrases of his that stood out to me about this passage:

"Discipleship always involves the unexpected."

"We mustn't assume he (Jesus) is accompanying us as we go off on our own business."

Jesus rarely did what people expected him to do. Every time we relax and think we've got things all figured out (especially Jesus)... look out!

And, if Mary and Joseph could get so preoccupied as to leave Jesus behind... don't you suppose the same could be said of the rest of us? Are we really followers of Jesus, or wouldn't we much rather find comfort in the idea that he will surely be with us?

I don't know. I'm just thinking about these things. I can't say that I feel his presence much. Maybe it's because I'm in for a wonderful surprise... Or maybe it's because I stopped following him and just assumed he was still around.

***

Luke 2:41-52
"Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Passover festival. When Jesus was twelve years old, they attended the festival as usual. After the celebration was over, they started home to Nazareth, but Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents didn’t miss him at first, because they assumed he was among the other travelers. But when he didn’t show up that evening, they started looking for him among their relatives and friends.
 
When they couldn’t find him, they went back to Jerusalem to search for him there. Three days later they finally discovered him in the Temple, sitting among the religious teachers, listening to them and asking questions. All who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers.

His parents didn’t know what to think. “Son,” his mother said to him, “why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been frantic, searching for you everywhere.”

“But why did you need to search?” he asked. “Didn’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But they didn’t understand what he meant.

Then he returned to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. And his mother stored all these things in her heart.

Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people."

The slow work of God

What in the wide wide world of sports is going on?!? Have you been asking this question this summer/year? (Said in the voice of Taggart from Blazing Saddles, no less).

There is a worldwide pandemic, government over-reach or mishandling (depending on your view), none of the usual summer activities (NO SPORTS for crying out loud!), not to mention all the protests and politics and usual bickering that goes on.

Well, I found solace in my daily devotional again. In Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals, they shared this quite from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin on June 27:

"Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We would like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet, it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability -- and that it may take a very long time. Above all, trust in the slow work of God, our loving vine-dresser."

Yes, I need to be reminded of this.

I don't normally care much for mushy internet memes, but I found the following story shared by a friend on Facebook quite helpful.

A while back I read a story of a visiting pastor who attended a men's breakfast in the middle of a rural farming area of the country. The group had asked an older farmer, decked out in bib overalls, to say grace for the morning breakfast:

"Lord, I hate buttermilk," the farmer began. The visiting pastor opened one eye to glance at the farmer and wonder where he was going with this.

The farmer loudly proclaimed, "Lord, I hate lard." Now the pastor was really growing concerned.

Without missing a beat, the farmer continued, "And Lord, you know I don't much care for raw white flour." The pastor once again opened an eye to glance around
the room and saw that he wasn't the only one to feel uncomfortable.

Then the farmer added, "But Lord, when you mix them all together and bake them, I do love warm fresh biscuits.

So, Lord, when things come up that we don't like, when life gets hard, when we don't understand what you're saying to us, help us to just relax and wait until you are done mixing. It will probably be even better than biscuits. Amen."

Within that prayer there is great wisdom for all when it comes to complicated situations like we are experiencing in the world today.

Stay strong, my friends, because our LORD is mixing several things that we don't really care for, but something even better is going to come when HE is done with it. AMEN!

 So... there ya go. Hang in there, folks. And... Godspeed. ;)

2 Peter 3:8-9
"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends... The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

 

Open hand or closed fist

How do you approach others... life... God... anything? Is it with an open hand or a closed fist? There is a difference, and the good news is... you get to decide!

My most consistent daily devotional is the book 'Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals' (there is also an online version). On June 12 they shared this quote from contemporary theologian Scott Bader-Saye:

"Following Jesus will mean surrendering the power that masquerades as security in order to love the neighbor and welcome the stranger. It will mean avoiding the safe path in order to pursue the good. But in a culture of fear, we find such risks all the more difficult since our natural inclinations lead us to close in on ourselves when we face danger. How can we maintain the posture of the open hand toward a world that scares us?"

Yes, a good question, indeed. In seeking to live a life of security and safety (which is the natural inclination for most of us), we risk closing ourselves off not only from "the world"... but also from where God has placed us in the world (and therefore closed off from God). 

Unfortunately, I all-too-often fall into the trap of thinking I have nothing to offer, that my little life doesn't make much difference, and that's it's easier to just sort of... not be bothered. I believe this is actually me opening my hand to the devil's schemes rather than the Spirit's leading (unintentional as it may be).

In the 16th chapter of the gospel of John, Jesus is saying his goodbyes to his disciples. It's the night before his crucifixion. Jesus speaks about the work of the Holy Spirit, the joy of the believers, and his victory over sin and evil in the world. He closes in verse 33...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

In other words, we need not be afraid of "the world." We need not fear those who are different from us, those we don't understand. We have a completely new way of viewing people and circumstances and therefore can approach life with a different mindset. We can extend an open hand to others - seeking to listen, encourage, share grace, be compassionate - or we can close ourselves off in fear. Jesus says to be open!

If we choose to fear the world, is it actually more a lack of faith (or belief) in Jesus' words? That may be a bit harsh... or maybe not...

Anyway, for as poorly as I have followed Jesus in my life, my desire is to 'maintain the posture of the open hand toward the world...' rather than to be scared of it. That's what I want to do, but I know it will be a challenge. Perhaps a challenge too great for me alone. But closing ourselves off from the world is essentially closing ourselves off from God. I do NOT want that.

So, how do we keep an open hand toward a world that scares us? We place our faith and trust in the One who has overcome the world. This same one who calls us to love our neighbor.

I like this prayer at the end of the devotional from above:

"You alone secure us in our place, O Lord. In our going out and coming in, deliver us from fear, that we may, by your Spirit's power, let down our defenses in love. Amen."

And amen.

The boy king: innocence vs. immaturity

I was reading today about Josiah, the king of Judah from 640-609 BC. The Bible (in 2 Kings 22-23 and 2 Chronicles 34-35) says he was only eight years old when he began to reign. And, unlike his father and grandfather before him, Josiah reigned with success, even distinction, for 31 years of spiritual renewal and reform. It says in 'The Story':

"During his reign the ancient Book of the Law of Moses was discovered after Josiah had ordered the run-down temple to be repaired, and Josiah followed its prescriptions zealously. He put his heart and soul into rediscovering for all the people God's way of living."

Can you imagine an eight-year-old king? I mean, we have a very immature President in the United States right now, but it would be hard to describe his 'reign' as a success, and with distinction.

This got me to thinking about how Josiah came to bring such a turnaround among God's people at such a young age (although it was actually God who did it through him). I didn't do a great deal of research but keep coming back to the difference between innocence and immaturity. They are not the same.

Merriam-Webster says of innocence: "freedom from guilt or sin through being unacquainted with evil; blamelessness; freedom from guile or cunning; simplicity."

The same source uses these words to describe immaturity: "exhibiting less than an expected degree of maturity; adolescent; juvenile."

Neither of these is necessarily associated with age. For instance, one can be innocent at any age; likewise immature. However, I would suggest innocence carries a more positive connotation, while immaturity a negative.

Taking Don Trump as an example, he is far from innocent, because he has long been tied to evil business practices and treatment of women and people in general. He is immature, though, in that one would expect someone in his position to be wiser and less prone to adolescent behavior.

Josiah, on the other hand, would seem to be just the opposite. While we don't really have any way of knowing for sure, you wouldn't think he'd have the success he had if he were immature. And, I wonder if his success wasn't more to do with his innocence! For two reasons.

First, since his father and grandfather were both dead, you would guess that his mother may have had a great deal of influence over the boy king. One might even wonder if she weren't 'in charge' in the early years of his reign. Perhaps in his youth (innocence), it allowed him to defer to her on many occasions. An older, less innocent king, would not likely have given his mother near as much influence (possibly).

Also, it is said that once the Law code was found, Josiah sought a word from the Lord through the prophetess Huldah. Again, a more aged man would likely have consulted the male prophets, but perhaps it was his youth that allowed Josiah to be more open to a female prophet. Which led to the removal of the high places, Asherah poles, carved idols, and cast images.

Again, I am only speculating here, but I think we have all seen how easy it is for men to become hardened and guarded as they "mature." Part of that always seems to lead to thinking they know what's best, and... well, for most of my life anyway, women have been thought of to... not. At least in business, politics, and religion (by and large).

It could also be that God was doing something entirely different with Josiah, and it had nothing to do with men and women. Perhaps it was merely that God can do with even a boy what people cannot do at our most cunning. I don't know.

I do think innocence plays a part somewhere. There is a link between King David and King Josiah both as people "after God's own heart" and "doing what was right in the eyes of the Lord." There was much about David that could be considered innocence as well (dancing in the streets; prayers of confession; etc.).

Anyway, I am simply dropping some thoughts here. I am amazed that God could work through people like David, Josiah, and even you and me. Regardless of age, our past, or even what we're involved in now. Being innocent before Him... who knows what that might result in. We might also consider giving more weight to the thoughts and ideas of our children... ;)

Peace out; and in.

The losing end

One of my all time favorite album covers is from Neil Young's second studio album, Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere. I'm not sure what it is about the picture, but it was burned into my mind at an early age and has stuck with me. The album contains four of his signature hits: Cinnamon Girl, Down by the River, Cowgirl in the Sand, and the title track, all of which were written in a single day when Neil had a 103F fever. It was also the first album with his longtime backing band Crazy Horse.

This morning I woke up thinking of a lesser-known song from the album though: The Losing End (When You're On). It's a simple song with a country sound. There's really nothing spectacular about it. But... sometimes we can feel like that, can't we?

It's so hard for me now
But I'll make it somehow
Though I know I'll never be the same
Won't you ever change your ways
It's so hard to make love pay
When you're on the losing end
And I feel that way again

If you disregard the lines I crossed out... it's a refrain of mine right now.

I had my second physical therapy treatment yesterday and came home near defeated. Not only was I physically beaten (and my leg and foot bruised), but I was even more mentally and emotionally drained. I hadn't been that low in a long time.

I couldn't stand the pain of the dry needling. The fact that she hit a blood vessel or something didn't help. Apparently the PT was taking the scraping out on me for that. I have literally not been in so much pain in as long as I can remember. She honestly had to get me a sweat towel because I was perspiring so bad!

As I said, the mental anguish was likely worse than the physical pain. Therapy hurt worse than it did to run, and it seemed that particular identity is become more distant with each step.

So, after having surgery in December for this stupid belly button hernia... my blood pressure is out of control, my legs won't recover from the last marathon, we are yet to find a church home, I still have no inclination towards a different job, the situation with my parents continues to get more stressful, and... "...I know I'll never be the same..."

---

This morning I read from 'Common Prayer: A Liturgy For Ordinary Radicals' something Bernard of Clairvaux (a 12th century Cistercian reformer) wrote:

"The first step of pride is curiosity. How does it show itself? Here is an example. There stands a monk who up to this time had every appearance of being an excellent monk. Now you begin to notice that wherever he is, standing, walking or sitting, his eyes are wandering, his glance darts right and left, his ears are cocked. Some change has taken place in him; every movement shows it. These symptoms show that that monastic's soul has caught some disease. One who used to watch over his own conduct now is all watchfulness for others."

I've never considered myself a prideful person. Though I suppose if I am the one defining it, I would never define it in terms of myself. Especially if I were full of pride.

---

And so my mind meanders to Jesus' words in Matthew 16:25, "For anyone who keeps his life for himself shall lose it; and anyone who loses his life for me shall find it again."

Hmm... maybe losing isn't all it's cracked down to be. Perhaps, when you're on the losing end, you are actually on your way. To somewhere...

I don't know.

When you find my journals

My journal-writing has been quite good lately. I don't know how else to say it. I'm not bragging, or trying to tempt anyone to read it/them... but it's been a good experience. The things I am learning, the way my heart seems to be changing, how God seems to be speaking into my life...

When I come to die, if you happen across my stack of journals, look for the ones from mid-2019 and on. I believe they will contain the best stuff. I mean, if any of it is worth reading. It may not be.

I have kept a daily journal for a long time. At least since the days when I started working as a pastor. I think I know where most of them are, but I'm sure some have been misplaced.

Most of them are from my morning prayer time. My current ritual is: read a passage from N.T. Wrights 'Mark for Everyone' (including the Scripture), his commentary, and then journal a page in this beautiful mole-skin journal my daughter gave me (pictured). Generally I describe the passage in my own words, share a few thoughts, then write a prayer to God, incorporating it into my life and the lives of those around me.

I recall a number of years - when I was still pastoring - most of the entries were probably nothing more than depressing laments about how miserable I was and my need for God to intervene. It would perhaps be interesting to read through them sometime, but I currently have no interest.

The past few months though... there have been several mornings when I would close the journal and think, "Wow... thank you, Lord. That was good." You know, how sometimes we can surprise even ourselves.

So, that's just something to tuck away for anyone who may happen across my stack of notebooks after I'm dead and gone. Certainly you don't need to feel obligated to read them. However, if you do, I suggest you start here. The rest can probably be burned.

Godspeed (vs. fomo and yolo)

We started using new bible study material last night, and I'm kind of excited! Once a week the wife and I meet with another pastor and his wife. We've been doing it for a couple few years off and on. Most of the time we just go through the bible and don't use any other materials. We have always enjoyed it.

Last night we started an 8-week study called "Godspeed: Unearthing Holiness," by Julie & Matt Canlis. It is based on a 37-minute film called "Godspeed,"  which, as the blurb says, "is the story of an American pastor whose desire to change the world grinds to a halt in a Scottish parish... What began as a five minute video ended as a half-hour portrait of the people and places who had taught Matt to repent & rest."

The film, and study, includes footage from the likes of Eugene Peterson, N.T. Wright, Father Giles, and others. The sessions are entitled: place, presence, pace, identity, stability, names, and mission.

I think I am going to like it! I especially liked the introduction in the study guide. Hopefully they don't mind if I share it:

The word 'Godspeed' comes from the old English phrase God Spede - meaning may God flourish you. Many of us wonder: can I live at Godspeed in big cities? Is flourishing only for rural Scotland?

Godspeed is not a call to pack up and move to the country. To live at Godspeed means to be present to where we are, and present to who surrounds us.

So what keeps us from being present?

The Oxford Dictionary has recently added two words that give us some cultural clues: FOMO (fear of missing out, 2015) and YOLO (you only live once, 2016). Both of these reflect the urgency of modern life - the insecure drive to take advantage of every opportunity, wherever it takes us. But what if it takes us away from where we are supposed to be? Is there a word for that? Are FOMO and YOLO dictating our lives more than an attentiveness to the place God has us and the people around us?

Uh... yeah!!!

You know, this kind of reminds me of when we first started pastoring the little country church we were at for so long. Until I lost my way.

Anyway, the study format is solidly set up, and I'm looking forward to it. Each session closes using Lectio Divina (spiritual reading of scripture), and with this prayer:

"Father, thank you for unearthing holiness in us. Help us to join with Jesus in unearthing holiness where we already live [and work, I would add], and with the Holy Spirit's help, to love the people we are with. Amen."

I would like to memorize that prayer so I can use it often throughout the day as I try to learn to notice, listen to, and (hopefully) love the people I am with. The people in my parish.

Godspeed, my friends...

grace cube

I've never been a big fan of ice cubes in my drinks, unless it's straight whiskey. But today I discovered this 'grace cube' idea (or, grace cubed)... and I'm kinda liking it.

I've been thinking about John 21:15-19 all day. It's the account where, when Jesus appears to the disciples for the third time after the resurrection, schools them on catching fish, and serves them breakfast on the beach, he then calls Peter aside for a chat. He asks him three times if he loves him. Peter starts to get a little annoyed, because he's yet to drink what Jesus is pouring.

You can say what you want about Jesus telling Peter to "feed my lambs"... "take care of my sheep"... "feed my sheep"... and what all the particulars of those words mean. The thing is though... what Jesus DOESN'T do is... merely say to Peter, "Oh good, I'm glad you've come around and still love me."

You remember, of course, that Peter had denied being a follower of Jesus not too awful long ago. Denied it... three times. So, yeah, there's the aspect of Jesus asking him if he loves him for each corresponding denial. It's also true that three is a number of completeness. Trinity-type stuff.

N.T. Wright suggested there's something more though; something even bigger going on here. When Pete says, "Yes, of course I love you," Jesus doesn't stop there. He extends grace to Peter... in the form of "I still want you with me"... "I still have things for you to do"... "You're still one of us!"

This is what Wright says (p. 165 "John For Everyone - Pt. 2"):

"Here is the secret of all Christian ministry, yours and mine, lay and ordained, full-time or part-time. It's the secret of everything from being a quiet, back-row member of a prayer group to being a platform speaker at huge rallies and conferences. If you are going to do any single solitary thing as a follower and servant of Jesus, this is what it's built on. Somewhere, deep down inside, there is a love for Jesus, and though (goodness knows) you've let him down enough times, he wants to find that love, to give you a chance to express it, to heal the hurts and failures of the past, and give you new work to do.

These are not things for you to do to 'earn' the forgiveness. Nothing can ever do that. It is grace from start to finish. They are things to do out of the joy and relief that you already are forgiven. Things we are given to do precisely as the sign that we are forgiven..."

That's where I got the 'grace cubed' thing. It's the full extent of grace - the three denials, three questions, three affirmations, and three 'get back to work'. Grace is not just this fuzzy-wuzzy 'I've taken care of everything and nothing else matters.' Grace says, "You matter! You still have value! You're still part of the team! Let's go do this!!!"

Of course, you know me, I immediately started to think of all the people I'd denied a sense of grace in the past. People I led to believe needed to step aside, or find something else to do. It's also true that many of us need to understand the way we contribute and participate needs to change over time. And yet I can hear Jesus asking, "So do you love me?"

Anyway, when this first slapped me upside the head it was like a tide swept over me and, I must have got some salt water in my eye because they watered some. I know I need to put my big-boy pants on again and get on with it, but I've always sort of resented the "God still loves you" sentiment. Like, no shit Sherlock. Of course God still loves me/us! What I've been lacking - in my own mind at least - is that I am still worthy. Still wanted. Still valued. The grace that says I'm still expected to be a part of this reconciling of all things business...

So, this was my "shot" in the arm today. With ice!

John was a master writer. Wright is right up there too. Jesus, though... he is THE Master. Cubed.

Maybe sometimes you can only see angels through tears

I mentioned yesterday I am still using N.T. Wright's "For Everyone" bible study/commentary for my morning devotions. Today I want to share about a text that actually came before the one I wrote about yesterday. I've been thinking on it for days.

John 20:11-18 is the magnificent (though not magnificat) encounter between Mary Magdalene and the risen Jesus. Mary had gone to Jesus' tomb early in the morning and discovered the stone had been rolled away. She told a couple disciples and they raced over to see nothing left but Jesus old grave clothes. Then, it says, they returned to their homes.

Verse 11 starts with, "But Mary stood outside the tomb, crying..." She stuck around. Eventually she stoops down and looks inside...

Mary ends up seeing two angels, and someone she first thinks is the gardener but who turns out to be Jesus himself. Perhaps because she chose to hang round... crying. Maybe. I don't know. But it certainly didn't hurt.

I am fascinated by this text... the encounter... everything going on in and around and behind the scenes. And Wright has this to say on pp. 145-146:

"This stunning invitation comes as Mary acts out one of the oldest dramas in the world. Stand with her as she weeps. Think of someone you know, or have seen on television or in the newspapers, who has cried bitterly this last week. Bring them too, and stand there with Mary. Don't rush it. Tears have their own natural rhythm. Hold them -- the people, the tears -- in your mind as you stand outside the tomb. And then, when the moment is right, stoop down and look into the tomb itself. Be prepared for a surprise.

Where had the angels come from? They hadn't been there a few moments before, when Peter and John had been inside the tomb. Or maybe they had been. Maybe sometimes you can only see angels through tears. Whatever. When people are afraid, angels tend to tell them not to be. When people are in tears, angels ask why. Say it out loud. Whoever you've brought with you to stand here, listen to them say it too. They have taken away... my home, my husband, my children, my rights, my dignity, my hopes, my life. They have taken away my master. The world's grief, Israel's grief, concentrated in Mary's grief.

Now, as you stand with Mary and ponder her answer, and the answers the question would receive today from around the world, turn around and see the strange figure who's standing there. Who is he? What's he doing? Who do you think he is?"

I don't know about you, but that just melted me. Wright (and John) paint such a beautiful picture. And he goes on...

"Mary's intuitive guess, that he must be the gardener, was wrong at one level and right, deeply right, at another. This is the new creation. Jesus is the beginning of it. Remember Pilate: 'Here's the man!' Here he is: the new Adam, the gardener, charged with bringing the chaos of God's creation into new order, into flower, into fruitfulness. He has come to uproot the thorns and thistles and replace them with blossoms and harvests. As we stand there and listen, overhearing Mary's conversation (a typical sequence, for John, of people getting the wrong idea), let the pain of the people you're with speak itself into to Jesus, whether or not they know who he is.

Then listen for the name. It is greeting, consolation, gentle rebuke ('Come on! Don't you know me?') and invitation, all rolled into one. Of course we know him. Of course we don't know him. He is the same. He is different. He is alive, with a new sort of life, the like of which we'd never seen before. Let Jesus call your own name, and the name of whoever you've brought with you, whoever needs his love and healing today. And then take it from there. Let the prayer flow on into whatever new conversation is appropriate..."

Oh, man... that is a sermon right there. That gets me excited. It gives me hope!

I don't really know what more to say, but I loved reading that piece that day. It makes me smile just now writing it out again. Good, good stuff.

Peace out, my friends; and in.

Achievement vs implementation

I am still using N.T. Wright's "For Everyone" bible study/commentary for my morning devotions. I finished Part 1 of the gospel of John, and am just about done with part 2. I read the Scripture passage, read Wright's commentary on it, re-read the Scripture, and then journal about a page worth of thoughts/notes/prayers. I usually do it at work once things have settled down a bit (after opening the Y), and it doesn't take much time at all. I find it quite helpful.

The other day I read John 20:19-23. This is the passage where the disciples were hanging out behind closed doors after the resurrection. They're hiding out from the Judaeans, and all of a sudden Jesus is standing in their midst. Jesus shows them his wounds, and then says, 'As the father has sent me, so I'm sending you.' Then he breathes the Holy Spirit on them, and says, 'If you forgive anyone's sins, they are forgiven. If you retain anyone's sins, they are retained.'

Now, when I first read through this, I am drawn to the fact that Jesus seems to appear out of nowhere. Wright went beyond, to something much deeper. He says,

"There is all the different in the world between something being achieved and something being implemented. The composer achieves the writing of the music; the performers implement it. The clockmaker designs and builds the wonderful clock. The owner now has to set it to the right time and keep it wound up. Jesus has accomplished the defeat of death, and has begun the work of new creation (notice how John again stresses that it was the first day of the week). His followers don't have to do that all over again. (This, by the way, is why the early church didn't say exactly the same things that he said. That confuses people who think that Jesus was just a great moral or spiritual teacher. They then wonder why his followers kept talking about him instead of simply repeating what he had said. The answer is that they were implementing his achievement, not trying to duplicate it...

Jesus' mission to Israel, reaching its climax in his death and resurrection, is thus to be implemented by the disciples' mission to the world. That's why they need the holy spirit: Jesus breath, God's breath, to enable them to do the job they could otherwise never dream of doing."

As I read the above, and re-read the text, it was like a light bulb turned on in my brain. THIS is what I struggled with so much at the former church! It wasn't that Jesus was emphasized too much. He should be! What I longed for was more teaching on how we are to implement this new life in our walk with him. We did not (and cannot) achieve what Jesus did. We are, however, called into his kingdom work.

This reminds me of the whole WWJD thing. 'What would Jesus' do is the wrong question for us. The more appropriate question is: What Does Jesus Want Me To Do? (WDJWMTD). I know it doesn't fit on a bracelet quite as nicely... and maybe that's the point. It isn't meant to be easy. In fact, it isn't meant to be done in our own power. This kind of living requires the breath of new life... the Holy Spirit.


On a related note, I have always been a little confused about v. 23 as well: "If you forgive anyone's sins, they are forgiven. If you retain anyone's sins, they are retained." What does it mean to 'retain' sins? Wright says, "to warn the world that sin is a serious, deadly disease, and that to remain in it will bring death. They are to rebuke and warn - not because they don't like people, or because they are seeking power or prestige for themselves, but because this is God's message to a muddled, confused and still rebellious world."

Yes! This is a second part of the same issue for me. It DOES matter what we do. Not that we should be judgmental, but sometimes it seems in our efforts to not judge, we go too far the other way.

Anyway... I was glad for this bit of light shining in today. I am far from where I want to be or need to be, but it's always nice when we at least feel like we're moving in the right direction.

Peace out; and in.