An honest answer

I haven't posted anything for a few days because..... well, I've been thinking (along with working, and shopping, and various other holiday sort of things).

What has been occupying my mind, you ask? Well, I had a couple conversations last week that caught me off guard. Not in a bad way, but totally unexpected. As I've rolled them around my mind I don't know that it's even so much the conversations themselves that struck me, but more some old rusty notions that have been jarred loose and left me a wonderin'.

The first conversation was with a pastor friend of mine - perhaps my closest friend - and this one REALLY caught me by surprise. He'd been asked by a mutual pastor friend, who is in the denomination that holds my ordination, if he thought I was "ready to take a church again." Apparently the Regional Director had asked this mutual friend, and the mutual friend knows I meet with this close friend regularly, so I suppose he was trying to get some insight.

What pleased me most about the whole thing, though, was my friends response. When asked if he thought I was ready to take a church again, he simply said, "What I know is, if you ask Dan, he's going to give you an honest answer."

Now, I'm aware there may have been a chuckle or two involved between them, because I've always been known to be a little outspoken. I have a history of not being a hoarder of my opinions. I've seldom been hesitant to speak my mind. Often to the dismay, and with little regard, for those around me.

The other side, though, is that I do value honesty. It's nice to know others recognize this. My yes is generally a yes, and my no a no. You don't have to wonder.

So.... that happened. The other conversation happened to be with a different pastor - just a couple hours after this one - and it was the pastor of the church we currently attend. We got together for coffee (I had tea) and were just shooting the breeze. This was not out of the ordinary, but at one point he started talking about some issues the church is facing. As he talked about the board and some upcoming available seats on it, it didn't really occur to me what he was getting at. Finally he spit it out ever so round about that people are wanting to know if I would be interested in serving on the board.

---

Well.... I have to say.... it's been years since my brain has even teased such tidbits. Granted, when I first left full-time ministry five years ago, I didn't expect it to turn the way it did. I thought I simply needed some time away and then I'd pull myself back into the saddle and carry on. Yet the longer it went, and the further I drifted, any such notions turned to nonsense and eventually failed to register at all. Sure, I would occasionally think about leading a small group, and I've hoped I could help by preaching a sermon here or there... but those ships sort of sailed further as the days passed by.

I didn't tell Jane about either instance right away, because even now I find it difficult to discuss. The more I think about it, though, the more I see my thinking on this as a bit different.

There was a point where I was adamantly opposed to ever holding any church position again. I was frightened by the thought, but even more, I did not trust myself. I was emotionally weak and vulnerable and even if I could muster some energy for a minute, I didn't trust that I could maintain it.

I feel different now. Not that I'm saying I'm "ready," or anything like that. I guess it's that I can't say "yes," or "no." Right now it's a pretty certain, "I don't know."

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So, I actually started this post the other day and didn't finish. This morning I opened it up again, and this was the 'verse-of-the-day':

“And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven” -Luke 1:76-78

Meh... I don't know. I'm not really reading into that as an answer to the above, but... I do have to admit.... I was really struck by, "...to give his people the knowledge of salvation - through the forgiveness of their sins -- BECAUSE OF the tender mercy of our God..." ... That's some powerful stuff right there.

Anyway, I should probably pour this onto the page before it gets buried in the bile of all my other unpublished banter. In the end, I still feel a pretty solid "I don't know." And maybe that's progress. In the meantime, I've got some sweat towels that need folding. Honestly.

5 fold ministry score (and the 5 equippers of churches)

For my coaching class this week we were supposed to take this five-fold survey, and then watch this set of videos by JR Woodward on 'The Five Equippers of Churches.' I did so earlier today.

I've taken this, and similar, tests before and I score pretty much the same. There is never much variance from my strongest to my least and that was no different this time (19-13). At different times my base (highest number) has alternated between Prophet and Apostle, and Evangelist is usually one of the lower. So it was no surprise that I scored a 19 as a Prophet this time. I feel that's fairly fitting regardless of what's happening in my life. Here is the score sheet from today:

5 Fold Ministry Score Sheet

Prophet - 19
Pastor - 16
Teacher - 16
Apostle - 15
Evangelist - 13


This is how they characterize Prophets from the test site:

Prophets
One who hears and listens to God (prophetes); the prophet foretells and tells forth revelation from God. Often they are able to stand back from circumstances to get a clear picture of what is happening and therefore see creative solutions and develop a vision for situations others don’t see. They understand the times and what people should do.

• Biblical examples—Anna and Simeon in Luke 2 as they prophesy over the infant Jesus. Agabus in Acts 11:28 and 21:10 when he predicts a famine and prophesies about Paul. Philip’s daughters in Acts 21:9 were all known as prophetesses.
• Jesus’ example—Every word spoken from the mouth of Jesus was revelation from God. He often foretold events such as Peter’s denial and the details of his own death. He, himself, is the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy concerning the Messiah such as found in Isaiah 53.
• Mature Prophets enjoy being alone with God, waiting, listening.
• Secular examples—people who speak out their perceptions. They’re often creative types, musicians, and artists.
• Core question Prophets ask: Are the people of God hearing his voice and responding appropriately?
• Characteristics of immature Prophets: While they have a natural gift to "see beyond" what most people can see, immature prophets make two fundamental errors. First, if they sense God is saying something, they provide the interpretation themselves and don't release it to a community of people outside of them. Just as Paul said, the prophet will give their sense, but it's up to the community to weigh and give an interpretation. Their job is to share, release what they've received, back away and then see what other people make of it. The proper path goes like this: Revelation to Interpretation to Application. An immature prophet, having received some sort of revelation, wants to go straight to Application. This is incredibly harmful and not the pattern that scripture gives us. Second, they assume they are always right. The problem is that often times they are right and this builds a false sense of confidence that they get it 100% of the time. Because of this, they can become arrogant, haughty and difficult to deal with. In contrast, a mature prophet is actually quite humble because they know that any revelation they receive isn't their own and they entrust it to the community.

Copyrighted content and excerpted from Building a Discipling Culture

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After completing the survey I then watched the short video's of JR Woodward describing each "equipper" as he calls them. I have seen/read these before, and I do like the description he gives to each one. They are...

Prophet = "heart revealer"
Teacher = "light giver"
Pastor = "soul healer"
Apostle = "dream awakener"
Evangelist = "story teller"

JR says of the Prophet, among other things...
- they reveal the heart of God to people, and the heart of people to God.
- they're concerned with shalom (inner peace) for people.
- they have a passion for social justice, and generally embody it themselves.
- they are concerned with cultivation of a liberating environment - socially and societally.
- they are feel compelled to speak truth to those in power.

So, that's what I did before work today (and after working out). We will discuss them among my coaching class cohorts tomorrow. I think it's always nice to be reminded of who we are and why we do the things we do.

The power of listening

I recently read through Lynne M. Baab's great little book, 'The Power of Listening: Building Skills for Mission and Ministry.' I received the book as a participant in the 'Engaging Young Adults' endeavor sponsored by the Center for Congregations.

I found it an extremely easy and interesting read, but also quite challenging and insightful in light of not only ministry but the general climate of our culture today. With people so completely polarized this would be a great book for teachers, preachers, and leaders of all stripes to read and share from.

Cosmetically the book is 168 pages of medium-sized print. The chapters are mostly a nice 10-12 pages in length, and each ends with several "Questions For Reflection, Journaling, and Group Discussion." It's very nicely laid out.

In this post I will just share the chapter headings and some key terms. That should suffice as evidence whether this book is for you or not. Hopefully I will follow up with a post from the chapter on Listening Tools at some point. There was some especially helpful information there - though I honestly found the entire book packed full of good "stuff."
The table of contents are as follows:

1. A Call to Listen
2. Listening to the Unspoken
3. Listening within the Congregation
4. Listening for Mission
5. Listening in Consensus and Discernment
6. Listening to God Together through Scripture
7. Listening to God Together through Spiritual Practices
8. The Listening Toolbox
9. Anxiety and Listening
10. Humility and Listening
11. Listening, Receptivity, and Speaking Up

The author points out three phrases she says helped her "think creatively about listening" in her own life, as well as listening in a congregational context. They are "holy listening," "holy curiosity," and "receptivity."

Holy Listening describes the kind of listening we do when we seek to discern "the presence and activity of God in the joys, struggles, and hopes of the ordinary activities of congregational life, as well as the uncertainty and opportunity of change and transition" (Craig Satterlee). She says "this kind of listening is holy because when we engage in it, we are hoping and expecting to encounter God."

Holy Curiosity is a term coined by Albert Einstein in the 1940's to describe the freedom of inquiry he considered to be important in science education. Baab says, "People of faith have adopted this phrase because it evokes so much about effective Christian ministry. In order to meet needs, we must be curious about what they are. In order to give aid or help, we need to be curious about the ways to do it most effectively and in forms that empower the recipient. Our curiosity needs to have a holy quality about it, centered in God's gentle and insightful love."

Receptivity simply refers to an attitude, posture, or willingness to receive from God and others whatever it is they want to give or share with us. We cannot honestly listen without that openness.

These three phrases are defined at the beginning of the book, and then reviewed again at the end, as a way to encourage us to keep in mind the need for an attitude of respect, interest, and a willingness to interact with the concerns of others.

I would have loved to blog through this book on a daily basis like I used to - there is so much here - so, again, hopefully I can at least share the toolbox, and maybe from the chapters on listening together through scripture and spiritual practices.

Engaging young adults (w/ mark yaconelli)

I spent the day in Indianapolis at a seminar on 'Engaging Young Adults.' Apparently our church qualified for this grant program through the Center for Congregations (via Eli Lilly). We gathered with church teams from all over Indiana at the Sheridan City Centre hotel and learned about the EYA program, as well as storytelling tools and insights from Mark Yaconelli. It was good.

Awhile back I'd been asked to be part of this endeavor at our church, along with the pastor and two or three others. The others are all young (20-ish) females, and only two of them were able to make it today. I'm not completely sure about anything, but I believe this is a two-year project with the CFC. I know we are to receive a nice hunk of change (grant), but I'm still unclear about our/my involvement. I know I was interested once "young adult" was defined as "late teens to forties" though. Plus this fits into our Beer Study and Bible Tasting endeavor. So I'm in!

The event today was from 9 am to 4 pm, and let me just say that the CFC knows how to do things. The food and accomodations were fantastic! I was really surprised to find out Mark Y was the speaker though! Several of his father's books had a huge influence on me - particularly 'Messy Spirituality.' So even though I was tired, it was an inspiring day learning about the importance of and practical ways to tell and engage people through the use of story.

I've not had a chance to process things yet but wanted to get something down before I let this slip away like everything else seems to be doing lately. So here is a brief sampling of high points from my several pages of notes and mulititude of handouts...

"Every human being is waiting for a good question and a safe place to talk."    ~Mark Y.

Main points:

• Storytelling is a form of communion
• Storytelling is a form of identity
• Stories reveal the sacred
• Stories invite transformation

Elements within stories:

1. Setting
2. Character(s)
3. Struggle/conflict
4. Rising action
5. Climax
6. Resolution or insight

"A human life is a story told by God and in the best of stories told by humans, we come closer to God." ~Hans Christian Anderson

"God comes to you disguised as your life." ~Paula D'Arcy

All I know about transgender

The president has made transgender people a big topic of discussion since he tweeted some nonsense the other day. I have to confess: I don't really know what to think about L, G, B, or T people. Meaning - I don't understand how it works. I don't know if people are born that way or not. Personally, I don't care. I have never been interested in ANYONE'S sex life - gay, straight, single, married, or whatever! And in my ignorance on the subject I don't even know if that's what it's all about. Basically, I guess I choose to not take a position on the subject. People are people, and everyone should be valued and respected on that basis alone. That's all there is to it in my mind.

So, last night we did our usual Wednesday thing of sharing a meal with the under-served of the city on the library plaza. There was an odd feel in the air, as there often is. At one point a guy showed up who was obviously high on something and he was getting rather loud and obnoxious. He shoved his plate down in front of me at one point - because the potato chips I was giving out had crumbs in them - and even later when I'd opened a new bag and took him a new plate he was belligerent about it and refused to take it. Of course then he complained about how we wouldn't feed him. So it was one of those nights.

And... you're probably wondering what this has to do with transgender people, right? Well, before all of that happened, Jane and I were approached by a woman who used to be a man (at least I think so). We were familiar with this person. We have interacted on many occasions. But tonight was different. She told us she recently discovered she has full blown AIDS. And she wanted prayer. So I took her aside while Jane tried to dole out watermelon AND potato chips. And I have to say, I'm ashamed to admit that I had to think about how close I should get to her. I finally put my arm on her shoulder, and we prayed.

So all I know about transgender people is... This particular one was scared. She didn't mention anything about Trumps tweets or politics or problems in society. She was scared of dying. She wanted help. She wanted Jesus to know that she needed him. So that's how we prayed, and that's really all I know about transgender people. For a few minutes on a Wednesday night I knew one soul that wanted to reach out to Jesus. So we did. Together.

Sometimes I feel like a coward for opting to not take a stand on certain issues. On the other hand, I think my stand is somewhat the same regardless... I am FOR people. I want people to have peace in their soul. All people. And that's about all I know.

Ministry credentials, and memories

Yesterday I received mail from the conference office that holds my ministry credentials. Every year they send me a new "ID Card" stating that I am an ordained pastor. I've always thought this odd for two reasons: For one, why do I need an ID card/what am I supposed to use it for? I've never once had anyone ask to see it in the almost 20 years I've been ordained. Secondly, since I supposedly have a "life" ordination, why does my ID card expire every year? I do not know.

Anyway, this year I noticed a couple things I've not noticed before. For starters, the phone number listed on my ID card is not mine. I think it is the church office number from the church I last pastored 4 years ago. I can't be sure, but I think I might have noticed this at some point over the last 3 years. I do not recall the wrong phone number before. I don't really recall a phone number at all.

Another thing I've not noticed before was this sentence in the accompanying letter: "If there are any errors or changes that need to be made, or you are no longer involved in an approved ministry, please provide the Office with that information at your earliest convenience." Hmmm... I don't recall ever seeing THAT before. I honestly don't know what an "approved ministry" is, nor was I aware that I needed to be involved in one. I guess I'm not opposed, but this is new to me.

I suppose these are consequences of having no connection to anyone from the conference. You know, I TRIED to keep the lines of communication open, but it only seemed to go one way. So I'm not really sure what to think. The paranoid side of me wonders if someone intentionally put the wrong phone number on my ID card to see if I would contact them so they could tell me I wasn't in an "approved ministry" then they could strip me of my ordination. But I really hate to start thinking like that. I'm hoping it's a simple mistake made because we have a new Regional Director.

As far as me being ordained... I don't really know what to think about that either. On the one hand, does it really even matter? I mean, is Jesus at all concerned with such designations? But on the other hand, it's not something I take lightly. I know I'm not participating in ministry in any "official" capacity right now, but I'd like to think I'm still involved. I am listed as "unassigned" - as are a great number of other ordained ministers I know. I've kind of thought I have been in a season of needing recovery and renewal after suffering ministry burnout. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do but, again, it's difficult to know without any communication. So... I don't really know what to do, or if I should do anything.

It's somewhat of an interesting bit of irony, but the morning after I received my ID card I was reminded by Facebook of the last time we attended the Cornerstone Festival put on my the Jesus People. It was 2011, and I have a picture of Glenn Kaiser with the heading, "He is a large part of the reason I do what I do." What I meant at the time was my involvement as pastor in a church.

Lately I've been missing the days I used to spend in study and prayer and interaction with people. I always thought there was something to be admired about bi-vocational pastors, but I think the truth is, I am not cut out for that. It's too much work for me. I struggle finding the time I need for prayer and contemplation - at least in my current occupation. I have always appreciated Eugene Peterson's take on the need for people to be unencumbered by "other" vocation, so they can concentrate on those aspects of ministry. Certainly history is full of examples of monks and clerics who gave themselves fully to these, can I say, "skills"? Then again, sometimes I think I'm just too lazy.

So, this is way more words than I intended on the subject, but I guess I'm just thinking out loud. I don't know anything anymore. I've probably forgotten more than I ever knew in the first place. But it's nice to have this Saturday morning where I don't have to "work" so I can sit and ponder and write and... I guess that's about all it is.

Carry on.

What i miss

I've been asked by a couple people recently if I miss being a pastor. That's difficult for me to answer, because I'm not really sure. Certainly there are things I miss about the life I lived as a small church pastor. There are also many things I do not miss. So I got to thinking about what I miss the most.

Prayer & Contemplation

Yeah... I miss the silence of days spent in prayer and contemplation. Reading. Singing. Crying. Meditating. Thinking.... Listening to God. That is definitely the part of it I liked the best. I miss that intimacy with God that came from those times. I also miss how I would picture the people in my congregation, and other friends, as I prayed over them each morning.

I really don't miss preaching. I can't see myself leading worship. Perhaps praying, or giving a communion meditation or something. But I don't miss teaching, or leading board meetings, or even attending them. And, while I never liked it at the time, and still don't have much desire to actually do it, I miss the times I spent visiting with people - whether in a retirement home or their own home. That seems odd to me as I think about it now.

This whole thing seems a little odd as I examine what I miss and don't miss. It's almost like the things I miss the most are what is perhaps most missing in expectations for our church leaders. Certainly not everyone is like that, but I don't remember being taught or encouraged in those areas when I was doing it. It seemed mostly denominational and congregational people stressed more the leadership and institutional control.

I dunno. I guess it doesn't really matter. I didn't make a very good pastor. It is what it is, and was what it was. But as I think back on some of my 'richest' moments, most of them were the hours and days spent in silence in my office or the church sanctuary, focused on communion with Him. Maybe I should have been a monk....

Beer and hymns

I'm not sure how I have never heard of the 'Beer & Hymns'... thing? I can't say that I know very much about it just yet, but it sounds interesting.

I have written before about the 'Beer Study & Bible Tasting' I've often thought about trying to organize. This seems to go in a slightly different direction, but, honest to God, I have actually considered posting something on Facebook for about the last year asking if anyone had a bunch of old hymnals they wanted to unload. While I wasn't necessarily thinking about this, it does seem a little coincidental.

I first heard about 'Beer & Hymns' just yesterday from a post Andrew Jones shared on Facebook. So I started investigating a little. Here are just a few resources I've found so far:

• A pretty good article in USA Today from 2014
• A similar story from NPR from 2013 (not so sure about using it to "stave off decline")
• A Beer and Hymns Downloadable Hymnal (apparently from the Wild Goose Festival)
• The Beer and Hymns Atlanta site (apparently run by some people from Emory/Candler)

 I even found a link to a beer & hymns meeting at the Trion in New Haven, IN in 2015. Apparently it was conducted by someone from another city who was visiting for a conference of some sort.

I have to admit, I do like singing the old hymns. I also like beer (though I'm starting to get burned out on it; fortunately you don't HAVE to drink at these events). Most of the gatherings simply consist of getting together at a bar, and singing old hymns. Apparently this is part of the Christian tradition from around the time electricity was being introduced.

So..... I dunno. Something to think about.

Unassigned ministers recovery group

I had my weekly breakfast with my friend Tom this morning and it got me thinking about something. Tom pastor's a church, but also serves as a cohort leader within his tribe. That means he not only meets with several other church leaders (pastors) on a regular basis, but he also has an interest in their churches. When there are issues, he meets with the board and listens to all sides and tries to get them to work together. At the same time he feels a responsibility to pastors who have stepped down or been asked to step down from churches. I find his approach so refreshing and life-giving. It's nice to know there actually are people out there who really do care about the "body" of Christ.

So he talked for a bit wondering how he could better connect with church boards in his cohort circle without making the pastors feel threatened. He also mentioned getting churches, and pastors, involved in their "recovery/reconciliation" process. That's what piqued my interest. So I began to ask him about it.

I've been trying to guard against negative thoughts and talk lately and really don't want to bash the people in leadership within my particular region of our denomination, but the truth is, we really stink at things like this. Honestly I'm not sure if it's because we don't have any processes, or if it boils down to the people responsible for carrying them out simply aren't very good at it. Or, I suppose it's possible it's just that my expectations are too high.

Personally, I feel that once I was asked to resign from my previous church, there was no one within my region who felt any responsibility towards anyone. The person that I thought should, seemed to stick his head in the sand. He wouldn't respond to me, he only passively met with the church leaders to satisfy my request, and he has done little to nothing in the years since. My last attempt at correspondence - which was a direct question - remains unanswered.

I have talked to others in similar situations who have left churches, or ministry entirely, and have felt equally abandoned. So it kind of got me thinking about this unassigned ministers group.

I have no idea what it would look like, what it might be called, or how it would operate, but it just seems to me someone ought to give a shit about pastors/ministers who have either failed, been driven out, or for some other reason are no longer serving and feel abandoned by the tribe they once called their own. So this is just an initial jotting-down-of-the-idea in hopes I can think through this some more.

Some things I'm thinking:

• I don't want it to be anything official, but I can think of several former pastors right here in my area, and maybe we could just get together somewhere and see what happens. Or, maybe it could be a skype group??
• I don't want it to be a "bitch session" or a time to put others down, but rather a way for us to try to help one another up.
• I probably shouldn't assume that everyone is in need of recovery, but it seems to me most people probably do to some extent. I know I could use some help.
• I should check our regional directory and see just how many are listed there as "unassigned."
• I need to do some research on recovery groups - even pastoral recovery groups. I have no idea what resources there may already be.

I will probably forget about this in a couple hours, and I also don't think I have much clout with anyone from within my tribe, so I can't imagine anything coming from it. I still wanted to jot down some thoughts just in case. We'll see....

[I just ordered the book "The First Step to Celebrate Recovery"]

The hole in the intelligence argument of atheism

I have regular contact with several people who are very open about being atheists. It doesn't bother me, it doesn't make me like them less, it doesn't really impact our relationship - and even our friendship - one bit. By and large they respect that I have chosen to place my faith and hope in God, and I try to respect that they have decided not to (at least at this point in our respective lives).

I have often heard, and agree with, the position that it is somewhat ridiculous for Christians to try to convince a non-Christian of the validity of the bible by using THE BIBLE. If someone doesn't believe in our faith, why on earth would they believe the basis for our faith? So I have no problem with non-Christians saying they don't want to hear the bible used as a reason they should believe.

On the other hand, though, I think the same argument should be considered by atheists when they try to use intelligence to argue against faith. I stumbled upon this thought the other day during my morning bible reading. 1 Corinthians 1:18-wherever was the New Testament reading for the day. 1 Cor. 1:18-25 says:

¹⁸ The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. ¹⁹ As the Scriptures say,

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise
    and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

²⁰ So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. ²¹ Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe. ²² It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. ²³ So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.

²⁴ But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. ²⁵ This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.

 I am not advocating for dumbness - and I don't believe that's what is being called for in this text either - but using the wisdom of the world to try to argue that God does not exist doesn't exactly hold water to someone who places no faith in the world's wisdom. It has no more validity than a Christian trying to use the bible to convince someone who doesn't believe in it.

So, what are we to do then? Well, maybe what we are NOT supposed to do is argue with one another over who is right and who is wrong. How about if, instead, we could accept others as they are, respect those who believe different than us, and love one another in our differences, for the sake of all humanity. Personally, I think God can sort it all out just fine himself. Now, that doesn't mean we can't still speak from our respective perspectives, but I don't think we need to try to change people's minds.

So, that's what I was thinking about today...

A new side

Not sure if anyone has noticed the update to my sidebar (all 5 of you). It's not much, but I added a couple new links, as well as created some new groupings.

First, I added some links about running, in hopes of keeping updated better on local road races. When I did that I created the "Heath & Fitness" category. So that's where I will keep my running, exercise, meditation and counseling links.

Then I created the "Coaching & Leadership" heading, to hold things dealing with church leadership, discipleship, and whatnot. It differs from the "Faith & Church" category in that these sites have more to do with practices and processes rather than institutions.

A couple of the c & l sites are new:

• Leading MCs is a rather new start-up from a guy I go to church with at Grace (Andy D).
• Gravity Leadership is apparently a new venture from Ben & Deb Sternke and Matt Tebbe. I just heard of it the other day from something Ben posted on Facebook. It looks quite intriguing to me, though I'm not really at a point to start off in another coaching/discipleship direction just yet. Still, I've always thought Ben's writing and teaching was really, really solid stuff (even from his personal blog). They're both worth checking out.

 So, there's that. Btw, I had to google how to take a screenshot on my phone to get this photo. I learned something new. Yay!

When the lies speak louder than the truth

A couple weeks ago we were singing at our church's Sunday gathering, and I don't remember anything else that happened that day, but I jotted down this line from one of the songs:

"When the lies speak louder than the truth,

Remind me that I belong to you."

I wasn't familiar with the song, but that line slapped me upside the head and stopped me in my tracks. Yes! What a great prayer.

I had to google the lyrics to find out the song is called "Sons and Daughters" - apparently written by Brett Stanfill from North Point Church. (Lyrics and chord sheet are HERE).

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Maybe it's just me, but I think more than anything else people need reminded of who they are... Or WHOSE they are. I vividly remember hearing that from Rich Mullins at one of his concerts. In fact, wasn't that a major part of the tradition our faith was born from - people telling stories and passing down reminders to one another of where they came from and who they belonged to...

Awhile back I read a fantastic little book by J.R. Briggs called "Fail: Finding Hope and Grace in the Midst of Ministry Failure." I don't think I blogged about it much, but it was such a good and timely read for me because, yes, I am a ministry failure.

One of the best parts of the book was in chapter 11 ("Rhythms"). Briggs had decided to hold a series of 'Epic Fail' Pastors conferences, and he wrote this about the first one:

After singing a few worship songs, we were just about to end the first evening of one of our Epic Fail Pastors events when I saw a hand in the back. A young church planter was so burned out he looked crispy around the edges. He leaned back in his chair and said, "This may be way off topic, but we sing these songs about Jesus and I don't even know who Jesus is anymore or what I believe about him."

He paused. "Can someone tell me the gospel again? I need to hear it." After a long silence a pastor across the room cleared his throat and shared the outlandishly good news of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. When the pastor was finished speaking, the church planter looked up, smiled and said, "Thanks. I needed that."

It was a sacred moment - and it most certainly was not off topic. In fact, it might have been the most significant three minutes of the entire event...

Oh, man, I love that story. I don't know how many times I used to wish something like that would happen. I was probably too scared to ask, and I was never overly confident anyone would answer even if I had.

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I was walking around Barnes & Noble bookstore the other day while waiting for a movie. I briefly thought about browsing the religion section but... I don't know... I just didn't have any interest in looking at books. I mean, is someone actually going to have a new idea?? Plus I am really tiring of everyone having an opinion solely to disprove someone else's. It's like, no matter what you say, someone can disagree and it doesn't have to have anything at all to do with the truth.

I have nothing against books. I also hope I'm not getting so cynical that I want to stop learning. However, maybe what we need more than anything is to simply remind one another of the truth. The world is full of lies and liars. I almost think a person could make a ministry out of reminding people of the Truth; reminding people who they are; and whose they are.

"When the lies speak louder than the truth, remind me that I belong to You."

I dunno... Maybe it's just me, but I think that is a beautiful prayer to end the year with, and start another.

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"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." -Jesus (Mt. 11:28-30 The Message)

Random thoughts

Just thinking about some things this morning (minus the tequila)...

MISSION/MINISTRY -
I believe a proper missional mindset requires a ministry of presence more than a mere ministry of projects. Not that work projects are bad, but they are of little to no value if they don't first come out of the felt presence of Christ.

DISCIPLESHIP -
If your discipleship (or disciple-making) strategy is focused on developing leaders in your church, you might not be making disciples of Jesus. I am concerned that some popular methods currently in use seem to be nothing more than leadership development strategies. I wonder just how well Jesus would measure up in many of our churches...

WORK -
For some odd reason I have been really busy at work lately. I realize we have a new building opening any day now - and that requires a lot of time and thinking because of all the people involved in that process - but this is supposed to be our slow time of year. I think I rented more units in October than I've ever rented in a single month! I have a list a mile long of things I need to do, and it seems every day I just add more things instead of crossing things off. Oh well. I don't mind it, but it isn't leaving me much time to read and blog. ;)

HOME -
I did finally get most of the leaves out to the curb. I will probably try to mow (short) one more time this year. I'm also thinking this might be a good year to finally get a portable generator. It sounds like we may have more ice/freezing rain this winter than snow. I failed to redo the garage floor again this summer. There's always next year.

BACK/HEALTH -
My back is still sore, but it is feeling much much better. Most of the time I can freely move about without a grimace. I've been using a heating pad a couple times a day. I've never used heat very much, but it must be helping. I am also still taking ibuprofen on an irregular basis. As far as the cough and runny nose, I must have had a cold. I am feeling better than I was, but still dealing with the lingering effects.

COACHING -
Every time I read something about coaching I think I need to carve out more time for it. Then the rest of the time I think I don't have the time or energy to be anywhere near competent at it. It is still something I would like to do; I still think I'm fairly okay at it; I also still believe there is a need for low-cost coaching as a ministry. I just need to make a decision one of these days if I'm going to push forward or not.

Okay, that's about all I've got time for today. Back to work.

Fivefold ministry gifts

The sermon at our church this past Sunday was on the Fivefold Ministry Gifts. The pastor used Acts 11:19-30 and Ephesians 4:11-13 as his texts. This was nothing new, but just for the sake of writing it out, and as a reminder, I thought I'd put some thoughts down here.

Here is a list of the Fivefold Ministry Gifts and their characteristics (that our pastor shared):

Apostles - big picture visionaries, start new things, risk taker, futuristic, adventurous.
Prophets - sensitive to God's voice(?), prayerful, often see things in symbols/pictures.
Evangelists - love meeting new people, bold, persuasive, energetic.
Pastors - support people, shepherding, caring, patient, encourager.
Teachers - instructing others, protecting biblical doctrine, study, helping learners.

He also discussed the difference between Pioneers and Settlers. Pioneers are usually apostles, evangelists, and prophets. Settlers are usually pastors, teachers, and also prophets (prophets are hard to categorize).

We ended with the pastor giving us some insights into determining which of the fivefold gifts fit us. He said to ask these questions?

• Which fills you and doesn't drain you
• Which do you feel good at
• Which do you feel most passionate about
• Take a spiritual assessment survey
• What do those closest to you think

 I probably didn't do a very good job of taking notes - I was using my phone - but some of those descriptions seem a little off to me. I must have missed some things. Anyway, I am pretty sure I fall into the Apostle and Prophet category. I always have. Prophetic because I have a strong sense of loyalty to God's Word and Truth; Apostolic because I tend to have a big-picture view and I see a need to fit things together or work things out in a big-picture way. This isn't really reflected in the definitions listed, but based on what the speaker was sharing it was the first time I've really noticed how beneficial it is for me to be fairly evenly split between the two. They should kind of balance each other out a little; plus the fact that I run pretty closely between the two on tests and whatnot. So it was somewhat helpful.

I'm not at all sure how my gifts could ever contribute to the church community we are presently trying to be part of, but I suppose there are ways I can operate/use my gifts for the Church at large.

Some thoughts I have as I write this out...

Teaching and Pastoring are probably - and have probably always been - two of my weakest areas. So it's interesting that I spent 14 years as a small-church pastor. On the one hand, I used to feel like I was a good fit as a small-church pastor - because my gifts are spread pretty wide. However, as I thought about it this morning, I can see where I was a really terrible pastor. The difficult thing for me is to remember that just because I do not have pastoral gifts doesn't mean I'm a terrible person. It just seems like that.

I also think my burnout can be attributed to the fact that I had to operate outside my gifting for so long. I was spread too thin, and simply drained myself dry.

I actually used to think I was a fairly good pastor at one time. Even after leaving the church, I was kind of waiting for someone to ask me to take another church, or suggest that I should. But no one has. So that's kind of telling. Again, it shouldn't be a bad thing - it is not for everyone - but it's a bit sobering to think of how long I did it and thought I was doing okay... I suppose I was rather clueless.

Anyway, I guess it is what it is, and I am what I am. Leaning apostolic and prophetic was not my idea, and I don't enjoy being someone seen by others as unhappy and never-satisfied, but I guess pleasing others is not really what matters.

Life is long. And strange. Today is a new day.

It's all good (and stuff)

I can remember there being several years when I felt like I was right in the center of God's will for my life (or however you want to say that). Life was good. I felt like I was MADE to be a small church pastor. I believed I was right where God wanted me to be. The fact that things didn't work out - or didn't end so well - does not diminish that truth (at least in my opinion).

I have taken a boatload of personality profiles, leadership tests, and whatnot... and I always seem to fall pretty close to center, or even, or in that smallest of small minorities that can't really be described by test results. Even when it comes to being an introvert or extrovert... it's hard to distinguish which way I lean. The several times I've taken the APEST test, I have very little variance between the five. I've always attributed part of this to being ambidextrous, even though I have no idea if it's true or not, but that is also what I believe made me such a perfect fit as a small church pastor. I wasn't really good at any one thing, but I was "okay" in a lot of areas. Lately I've been thinking about "fit" quite differently though.

Occasionally I will have someone ask me if I'm "ready to get back into ministry." I know what they mean. They want to know if I'm ready to be a pastor in a church again. It's kind of strange, but I honestly don't even think in those terms anymore. In fact, I don't really think I've ever STOPPED doing ministry. Yes, my occupation has changed; my context has changed; but I don't believe my relational approach to other people has changed all that much. I don't think *I* have changed all that much in that regard either.

It's like the deal with being missional. Tom and I have been talking about this for years. Some people believe "being missional" requires participation in a mission community, or that you have to have a project, or be 'doing something,' or all these other quantifier/qualifiers. I agree with Tom in that missional is simply how we live out our faith and participate in the reconciliation of all things with God - IN OUR EVERYDAY LIVES: in our families, at work, in our activities and whatnot. It's not something SEPARATE that we do; it is A PART OF us and what we naturally do.

So when I think about the prospect of coaching people - whether I'm coaching a church pastor or an atheist - I approach them from the same mindset of helping them find their inner self; their true calling; their God-given nature, if you will. And, while my skill-set used to lend itself more to doing that in a small-church context, I believe I can adapt to any and all contexts I find myself in in the Kingdom of God. The point is seeing life as kingdom-centric rather than church-centric. The context is different (kingdom instead of church) but none of the rules change - at least in my mind.

Eh... I'm not putting this into words very good. But I have felt myself moving towards this for a long time. I believe I was doing exactly what I was made to do for several years while I was pastoring a small church. That time has come and gone. I knew for several years I was being "called elsewhere," so to speak. I just didn't have the guts to follow God's leading. I believe I am still serving in full-time ministry, albeit without the occupational title. In fact, I could possibly be even more full-time than I used to - I no longer have the stress of trying to turn "on" and "off."

Well, the longer this gets, the cloudier I seem to be making it. I should probably just stop. One of these days maybe I'll try to explain it to myself again. For now... I'm good. I have lots of regrets and many things can and do make me sad... but, really, I'm good. It's all good.

Comfortable

I was talking with someone the other day and it dawned on me that this is about as comfortable as I remember being - maybe ever. I'm not anxious about anything, have no anxiety, not really too worried about much.

When I was pastoring, going to school, and even in previous jobs, there were always those times I had to do things I didn't really want to... hospital visits with difficult people, phone calls in the middle of the night, being asked to "save" someone's grandchild (or grandparent), and the list goes on. Now... not so much. I get up, go to work, come home, and do it all over the next day. Not that my job doesn't have it's difficulties, but there isn't anything about it that makes me nervous. My limited involvement with church doesn't require much of me, I'm not really doing ANYTHING that takes me out of my comfort zone (other than a random conversation here and there). The thing is... it's the being in my comfort zone that makes me uncomfortable.

Sure, it is quite relaxing to be comfortable, and it's not that I WANT to be nervous or anxious about things... but it seems like something is missing; things are too easy; I'm not being stretched or challenged or anything, and I feel I've become a bit complacent.

So, I'm not complaining, but just noting that this phase of life is at hand. Who knows what the future holds. Here goes...

Personal coaching

So... lately I've been thinking about the possibility of looking further into this coaching thing. I recently received my Certificate in Christian Leadership Coaching through Coach Approach Ministries, and it seems like a bit of a waste to not put it to some kind of use. Of course, if you know me, you know that I immediately started to question whether I could do such a thing, or why anyone would ask ME for coaching - let alone pay me for it! So... I've just been thinking about it.

One consideration would be my past and present online presence. Ooof... have you read some of the things I've written online??? Good God! Who is this guy (me)? So I might need to clean some things up around here; probably start a whole new blog; maybe even get rid of this one entirely; and... you know, I'd have to be a lot more serious about stuff I publish. I think I 'could' do it... the question is... do I WANT to? Although, I guess the other side is... But this is who I am, and that's how some people like me to be. So... I dunno.

I was also thinking about how I would advertise myself. Yes, I would be doing this as a job - not a form of discipleship (ok, Bill?). So I wondered, what do I have to offer people; why would anyone be interested in coming to me for coaching? Well, I do have a wide and varied background in a lot of areas (factory work, music, sports, professional), I have a BA in Religious Studies from Findlay U., a Diploma in Pastoral Ministry from Winebrenner Seminary, I spent 14 years as a Sr. Pastor doing actual church work, and then there's the certificate I just received. It doesn't look too awful bad on paper does it?

However, I'm still not sure how I would advertise or what I would call myself (notice I am going to great lengths to keep from using the word 'market'!). Would I coach only church leaders? Would it be only for Christians? Would it be ministry-specific? Could I be more like a life coach? ...I don't know.

I don't know enough about life-coaching to know if I could go that route, but I don't know that I would be comfortable limiting it to just church leaders. So that's why I'm wondering about just saying: Dan Horwedel, Personal Coach. Eh... that sounds weird, but really, maybe it's better to not limit it in any way.

I like what my teacher/friend Brian has done with his Coaching Clarity site. I would like to do something similar, and would undoubtedly steal as much from him as I could, but I am also quite different from Brian. He is much smarter than I am, but we also have different niches, and I wouldn't necessarily be interested in training others to coach. My interests are different.

I have also been considering the Renovare Institute. It's a 2-year school of Christian Spiritual Formation. That is a definite area of interest for me (spiritual formation). I believe it would not only better me as a coach, but I am just personally interested for my own growth. I know it's online, but I don't know yet about costs and time-commitments and whatnot. It's a possibility.

So, there you have it. I'm not at the point of quitting my day job. In fact, it's probably something I would always do in addition to my day job. I just feel like there's something more I could/should be doing. We'll see.

Mugged

A long time ago, at the church where I used to serve as pastor, we ordered a bunch of coffee mugs with the church name on them. We suggested they be used to "mug" people - give a friend a coffee mug and invite them to be part of the church. Everybody needs another coffee mug. Somehow we ended up with probably a half dozen or so of them around our house (ours are all from the batch that didn't turn out right - we didn't steal them).

At different times since then a few people have commented they're surprised I still use them. You know, because of... what happened and all. I was thinking about that the other day as I sipped tea from one of those mugs at work.

The fact is, I am NOT ashamed or embarrassed to still use them. We have so many good memories of our time there; so many good things happened; so much of our life was involved with that "place" (realizing the church is not a place, but a people who are often identified with a place name). Granted, things did not end well there, and it was as much my fault as anyone's, but I refuse to strike that period or those people from my memory banks. It's like that thing Roman Catholics try to do by annulling marriages. How in the world can you say it never happened?!? I never understood that, and I don't want to say this never happened (the 14 years, not how it ended)!!!

So, while I don't usually even notice when I'm using a Fairview mug, I certainly don't have a problem with it. In fact, sometimes I'm even quite proud.

And while I'm on the subject... that was one of the things that really pissed me off after all was said and done. Months after everything went down I suggested the idea of reconciliation between us and the church board. The response we got was, "Sometimes reconciliation means moving on." I'm sorry, but that does NOT make sense to me. It didn't then, and it still doesn't today. But... whatever. That person may want to forget me/us, but I hope to never forget the people I ministered to and with during that time. Nor do I wish to suppress those memories. No one can ever take that away from me.

And so it goes...

I try not to write about work too much - God knows it got me in enough trouble at my last job (actually, that's probably what got me fired!). Anyway, I had an older woman come in today looking for pricing on a storage unit. As we chatted I discovered that she was a pastor. I told her I was too. Of course, she asked where. I told her I wasn't currently in that position; that I'd done it for 14 years and it didn't end well, and that's why I was renting her a storage unit. She looked at me - or was it past me - and kind of muttered, "Yeah... that's why I need a storage unit." Then she started crying. She needed a place for her file cabinets and office things because she had just been informed they were letting her go... and they needed her office.

So we chatted for a bit, and before she left I told her she qualified for the 'friends & family' discount, and I would work out a better deal than what I had quoted her before. She thanked me and said she would call me Monday.

ADDED LATER: She called back later and told me she'd found somewhere else to store her items. I presume somewhere cheaper. So... that's about right.

God's new song for my 2015

The main speaker at our church (Chris) just completed a 2-part series on New Beginnings this past Sunday. It was based on the Psalms in general - particularly Psalm 40 - as well as Philippians 3:13-14. This past Sunday he emphasized Psalm 40:1-3.

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him.

 I LOVE this passage. I am a lover of the Psalms in general - I would regularly read from them and preach from them when I didn't know what else to read and/or preach - but Psalm 40 is an incredible piece of writing.

We also looked at Philippians 3:13-14 - about "forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead." The past has passed - we have been forgiven and there's nothing we can do to change it - so we look ahead at what God wants to do in and through us in the coming days.

So the gist of the message was.... "What new song does God have in store for me in 2015?" Or "What would we like to see God do in and through us this year?" We were given time to pray and write out - and then discuss with someone else - God's "new song" for our coming year in the areas of: UP, IN, and OUT (3dm terminology).

From J.R. Briggs

 Then, on the other side of the card, we were to write out 'One thing that could only happen this year if God does it.' In other words, if it were not based on my own skill or hard work, but absolutely had to be something God did in/through me, what would I like to see happen?'

I wrestled with it Sunday, and still am. I'm not overly satisfied with my thinking at this point, but this is what I've come up with so far:

God's New Song for My 2015:
1. UP (my relationship with God)
- I would like to have my heart restored for worship (singing in particular, but other ways too). I just don't 'feel' it when I sing or am in a worship gathering anymore. I don't like that.

2. IN (my relationship with other christians)
- I would like to get in a small group or study group of some kind.
- I wish we could find a couple other couples to hang out with, people similar to us and on the same journey.

3. OUT (my relationship with unbelievers)
- Basically, it would be nice to give a crap again - a heart, or desire, to reach out.
- I wish I could come to the place where I felt like inviting others either into church stuff or Kingdom living.
- I want to explore the pizza idea, or maybe hanging with the people at the veterans home... some type of service/ministry thing.

As for the one thing that I'd like to see that can only happen if God does it... Two things:
1. Forgiveness and restoration with the church council (and a few others) at my former church.
2. A desire for ministry again - whether occupational or not.

So, we'll see where this goes. I can't really say if I feel better or worse at the beginning of this year than past years, but I am at least hopeful this year. I feel like something is going to happen. Who knows. God's works in some mysterious ways, and life is strange.