Trip to buda

We snuck into Illinois during the pandemic to visit my mom this past week. She's probably done more traveling than us, having been to Missouri with all her sisters. Anyway, Jane, myself, Carrie, and her kids loaded up the van and headed to Buda Thursday.

It had been a while since I've ridden in the van with all of them. It's also been a while since any of us have been to visit my mom (since February). It was an uneventful drive there. We arrived Thursday late afternoon.

We had supper with mom, then we all headed to Dr. Tim's house in the neighboring town, and the cousins had a great time playing together. Tim's dad (Jane's brother) also came over, and we had a nice visit.

My mom is doing good, though not getting any younger. She could probably still outwork all of us even at age 82. She did have me straighten up her flag on the backyard flag pole. I always smile inside at the irony of me doing this.

Friday I spent part of the morning on the phone with my mom's tv/phone/internet provider. Her wifi was not working, and apparently hasn't been for some time. She only uses her phone for internet, but is on it quite a bit. Apparently she has unlimited data, so it didn't matter all that much. Still, in talking with the lady, my parents have used this same company since 1985. The lady on the phone was very nice, but they're going to have to send a guy on Tuesday to look at it. He is also bringing a new modem.

In the afternoon we started trimming the 17 bushes my mom has around her house and garage. Ugh. It wasn't terrible, and fortunately they are all fairly small, but I/we still worked up a pretty good sweat.

Friday night we had a big domino game, and Jane's brother Mark came over for that too. The kids played too and were actually pretty good. The 9-year-old granddaughter legitimately won!

We dinked around Saturday before leaving a little after lunch. We planned to stop and see my dad at the nursing home on the way back to the Fort. We hoped right after lunch but before his nap would be a good time. My mom drove her car over too. Unfortunately it started raining (we have to stand outside his window), and when we got there he was already asleep anyway. I'm not sure it was a bad thing that we didn't get to see him. It probably would have only confused him.

So we headed for Indiana. There were two areas - around Lasalle and again before Joliet - where we drove through a torrential downpour. It was as bad as I've ever driven through. It's simply would not let up! There were a lot of motorcycles pulled off the road and under bridges.

We finally made it home Saturday evening. The kids were super good the whole trip. I'm glad we went. I think it helped me realize I CAN go back into the world and not freak out. That should help when I have to return to work Tuesday.

The pic is some random shots from my mom's garage, Main Street, and dominos.

Christmas 2019 (dad to nursing care)

Another Christmas has come and gone. Once again we were fortunate to spend time with family. Now we head into the long, cold suck part of winter.

CHRISTMAS EVE
Since we aren't really part of a church community for the first time in... forever... we simply attended the Christmas Eve service where the grand kids go to school. All three were singing this year from the balcony of this beautiful building at St. Paul's Lutheran Church.

CHRISTMAS DAY
We continued the routine of visiting the Feipel's on Christmas morning. The grand kids were busy playing with their new presents, and Carrie made her scrumptious cinnamon rolls and sausage things(?).

After returning home it was just the two of us. I don't really even remember what we did. I suppose we cleaned and Jane cooked. The pic at the top of the page was our little tree in the basement.

Isaac and Ricci arrived in the evening and the Feipel's came over too. This is when we opened presents together. I was surprised with this bottle of Bob Dylan's "Heaven's Door" bourbon and an 07 Pub sweatshirt from Jane. Isaac and Ricci got me James Clear's book 'Atomic Habits' and Drew Carrie got me Richard Rohr's 'Falling Upward' and a new Moleskine notebook. Ricci also gave us all a unique gift from her trip to Costa Rica. It was a swell haul.

OFF TO BUDA
The day after Christmas (Thursday) we all packed up and headed to Buda to spend the rest of the week/weekend with my mom. My sister and her son Kevin and her dog Zoe also came down from Minnesota. The house was a little crowded, but everyone survived. I think there were 12 humans in all.

The first thing we did was go to our nephew's house in Sheffield to visit with some of the Pratt descendants (Jane's one brother and his kids/spouses/grand kids). They grew up with our kids and it was good to see them all.

Jane and I slept at her brother's house in Sheffield. He bought a small 1-bedroom and basically gutted it. It's mostly put back together, but there is no furniture or anything. We brought an air mattress and a lawn chair, so it was fine just for sleeping. At least it had heat and a shower.

Everyone stayed until Sunday morning. We stayed a little longer to help mom with some paperwork and to clean up the house a little.

DAD'S NURSING HOME
This was the first year we had Christmas without my dad around. We were surprised to find out they were taking him to a nearby nursing home on the day after Christmas. Of course it was the same day all of us were arriving, so I felt super bad for my mom. There was a lot going on for her over this holiday, and she handled it all just as well as she always handles everything.

In many ways it was probably a good thing he wasn't around the house. It would have been a lot for him to handle. At the same time, I am beginning to feel differently about my father as I see him in this light. Not only does he look much older, but beyond physical appearance he looks... defeated. It's actually hard for me to look at him at all.

We aren't sure if this will be his "home" or if this is simply where he will do rehab. The thinking is that he won't be returning to his home home, but might possibly be going to another facility at some point. It's all kind of up in the air at this point and may not be entirely up to them anyway. At any rate, I feel for my mom, as she has had to make some difficult decisions and will likely be making many more.

I/we hated to leave Sunday. The paperwork mom needs to fill out is a bit overwhelming for her. Jane helped as much as she was able. I wish we could be there longer so we could go with her to talk to some of the different facilities, lawyers, financial advisors and whatnot. I also felt bad sort of just leaving her all alone - and all of a sudden. I suppose the same could be said for dad. He does not have a private room, and I think that is difficult for him to deal with. It also makes it hard when mom goes to visit him. I know it was awkward when we visited him in the home.

Anyway, it was and is all a bit weird for me. No one in our family has ever been very good at processing emotions. There are a lot of them to deal with right now. I guess like most people we will simply need to do the best we can.

So, that's the rundown on all that. It was a good, but different, Christmas. Another year down.

"Where's mom?" (and other things heard at my parent's this weekend)

"How long, oh Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?"

So lamented the prophet Habakkuk, and various other biblical writers. I'm sure it echoes through not just a few old souls yet today.

We visited my parents this weekend (Friday evening through Sunday morning). While it was a nice relaxing time, it wasn't especially joyful.

There was no agenda on this visit. It was just Jane and myself. Sure, we moved my mom's computer out of the living room into an upstairs bedroom, and got some of her fall decor switched over to Christmas, but we mostly just felt the need to 'be there.' They will have to spend Thanksgiving alone again this year, and we didn't have anything keeping us from not being there this weekend.

It was probably the worst we've seen my dad though. Physically and mentally. He can't get out of a chair by himself, and can't move much when he does. Most of his time is spent in bed.

Friday night wasn't too terrible. He was in his recliner asking the same questions he's always asked - "How's the weather?" "Are you busy at work?" "Where do you live now?" - and he asked them over and over and over again. He slept most of the day Saturday while I watched football and my mom and Jane went shopping. Saturday night he started in talking nonsense again, like he does from time to time. It seemed worse than it's been in awhile though.

Sunday morning he finally made it to the kitchen. He looked like hell. At one point the four of us were sitting there, and he asked my mom, "Where's your mom?" She thought he was talking about his mom, and she explained to him that she had died, as well as his brother Harold. He responded, "Ruth Ann and Harold are dead?" Oh boy.

My mom acted like she didn't hear it, but I sensed a crack in her voice. I don't know if she's heard it before, but it was the first time I have been around when he didn't seem to know who SHE was! That's not good.

Jane said she heard him mumble to himself at one point, "I just wish I would die."

How long, oh Lord?... How long?...

---

As we got ready to leave later Sunday morning, it was really probably the most compassion I've ever felt for my dad. He's been a jerk to me for much of my life. I think probably in the same way I am to certain people. It's not that he meant to be, he simply couldn't help it. Now it's barely him any longer. I feel for him. I wish he would die. Not to be gone, but for his sake... and my mom's.

I don't know how she does it. Not that she doesn't have faults of her own, but my mom is a saint! She could use a break. She could use some relief. I wish there was something someone could do to ease the burden on her. Like she would even let them.

---

So, it was not a fun trip home. I'm glad we went though. It was relaxing for the two of us, at least.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas (or whenever we gather there to celebrate it). My mom thinks all of us can get together at her house - our kids, spouses, and grandkids, and my sister and her boys. I gave up counting on my sister for anything a long time ago. I'd be okay if that was the extent of the drama though. Hopefully it's not something else.

Growing up and growing old. Life is funny like that. It's not bad... but it certainly is different.

How long, oh Lord...

Home, stress, home

We made a quick trip back home this past weekend. We left when Jane got off work Friday afternoon, and got back to the Fort Sunday afternoon about the same time.

Carrie and the kids also went, but they drove separate. They left mid-morning Friday, and headed back mid-morning on Sunday. Although we actually beat them back because they took a different route and stopped at Tanners Orchard near Peoria as well.

My parents were doing "okay." The last we'd heard, my dad had been using a wheelchair and pretty much just sleeping all the time. He didn't use the chair at all while we were there, but is still pretty dependent on his walker.

My dad's birthday was yesterday (10/28), and my mom's (as well as mine) is this coming Saturday (11/2). So we had pie and sang happy birthday to my dad, but I don't think he really knew who we were singing to, as he sang along as well.

I actually did not leave the house once we arrived Friday night until we left on Sunday. Saturday I helped "winterize" my mom's yard. We put the patio furniture and carpet in the garage, as well as some of her bird baths and other yard "stuff." I also did some other odds and ends that needed doing before it started raining.

The girls all went shopping in nearby Princeton in the afternoon. I stayed home with the boys and was actually able to watch the Illini beat Purdue in football (between helping Bennie find lego pieces). It's rare that I get to see Illini games since we don't have cable. The win was an unexpected bonus!

So, where does the stress come in, you ask? For starters, I've always had a certain angst about me when at my parents. They treat me like a child, and while I know many parents do that to grown children, it just really irritates me. It's like they've never really acknowledged that I'm an adult. Of course, the more I resent that, the more childish I act... which makes me mad. They are also masters of passive-aggressive manipulation. I learned from the best.

Mostly though, I have to admit, it is difficult seeing my parents get old. I've never had a good relationship with my dad, and at this point I'm never going to. He is literally like a child himself now. It's hard for me to know how much of his behavior is due to the dementia, the meds he takes, or simply because he's always been like this and now it's magnified by old age.

Top all this off with my inability to think on my feet and make quick decisions... I often feel like I'm being put in a corner right off the bat every time I go "back home." My mom always has a list of things for me to do. Most of the time it's things I 'can' do, but I'm just the type of person that I need to THINK ABOUT things for awhile. Then she always seems to wait to the end to bring up the biggest thing. You know, "There's this major plumbing problem I've been having and I wondered if you could look at it." Not only can I not just look at something and know right away what to do, but I am not a plumber, electrician, home builder, or handyman at all! So when I'm already feeling stressed out, it builds to volcanic levels when these things are thrown at me. The result is always that I then feel guilty for not being able to help.

And when I get like this, it becomes that much more difficult to navigate the grandkids and their innocent requests for help/attention/love... and I always seem to end up feeling like I'm letting everyone down, I can't do anything, and I'm a total incompetent loser who should be ashamed to even be alive. I can't be there for my parents, my spouse, my kids or my grandkids... and I just want to find a hole to crawl into.

So.... this is why going "back home" is not so enjoyable. I don't even want to go see old friends anymore (some of my classmates had a gathering to see one of my best friends from high school, and I had no desire to go). Then... I hate myself for letting it stress me out and for being who I am.

There. How's that for a cheery blog post?

It takes me like a week to get over a weekend like this. At least I've got this job that gives my life lots of meaning.... Wait... what? Ugh..........

Monday morning miniscules

I think every day last week I was going to post some sort of "tidbits" type thing. Wednesday Words, Thursday Thoughts, Friday Fragments, etc... I made it back around to Monday, so I guess it's 'miniscules.' I think that's a proper term for "mini thoughts." Either which way, that's about all I can seem to muster at the moment.

• I don't know how it is I seem so busy anymore. I mean, I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life, yet I seem busier than I've ever been. It makes no sense.

• I suppose the summer baseball schedule doesn't help. At least the minor league season is almost half over. The middle of June will mark 35 of the 70 home games scheduled. I still do enjoy working the parking lot. It's dealing with volunteers, staff, and the money that are the difficult parts for me.

• My marathon training started last week. I follow an 18-week program of 4 days running per week. Last week was 3 miles on Tuesday and Thursday, 5 miles on Wednesday, and 8 miles Saturday. This week will be the same but I add a mile on Saturday.

• I feel good except I can't seem to shake the blister on my right foot. I had it in the same exact spot last year and I just can't pinpoint what's causing it. It's between the ball of my foot and my big toe. It doesn't really hurt or anything, but it's annoying and takes time to "deal with" every day. This weekend I ordered some of those "toe socks" that I will wear for my long runs at least.

• Another thing I've become involved in is the 'preaching team' at church. I think there are 6 of us (including the pastor). One thing I'd been encouraging the pastor to do was to preach less on Sunday mornings. He already knew he should, but it's one of those things he enjoys, and I think it's maybe hard for him to let other people do it. So it may be a big step for everyone involved. Anyway, about every 5th week or so one of the other of us will preach that Sunday. There are 4 men and 2 women, and all of us have experience with public speaking, and all the men have served as pastors at some point. It will be interesting, but I'm not overly confident in it ever coming to fruition. We'll see.

• On a completely different note... one morning last week I mistakenly woke up at 2:45 a.m. and thought it was 3:45. My alarm goes off at 3:50 a.m., and I will often wake up just before. I thought that's what happened. Just as I was leaving for work I checked the calendar on my phone and it said I was to be at work in an hour and a half. I was like, "what?!" Sure enough, it was only 3:30, instead of 4:30. It's really hard to take an hour nap at 3:30 in the morning after getting yourself ready to GO. Anyway, I sat on the couch with the cat and maybe got in a 10-minute "cat nap."

•  I am writing this at work on a Monday morning and I was just interrupted by several people wanting to chat. One is the bike mechanic across from me who has traveled the world and leads an interesting life, and the other two are members who come to the Y to work out. Anyway, for as much as I get discouraged by my boss, I actually really like working here. It allows me to rub shoulders with some quite interesting characters. Of course, I'm sure I will want to quit by the end of the day...

•  I almost forgot that Jane and Carrie (and the kids) went back to Illinois this past weekend to visit my parents. They both ran in the 1st ever 5k in Buda, and Jane was actually the first woman finisher! She said it was the most difficult 5k she'd ever run due to hills and a few logistical elements, and she wasn't very happy with her time. But still... she won!

I suppose I could go on for some time now that I've actually taken the time to write. That's the way it goes, and why I need to be better about forcing something out on a more regular basis again. We'll see. Now I should probably do some work... so here's a thought I've been pondering since Friday:

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincare

Weekend trip home - solo

I made a quick trip back "home" by myself this weekend. Jane may have suggested I do it - so she could do our taxes, and since I've been dragging my feet fulfilling my part of the 'checking in on the parentals.' One or both of us would like to visit my parents at least every 6 weeks, if not more. I was overdue for a visit.

Anyway, my mom was happy. She had a list of small jobs for me to do: Purchase and put up a new flag for outside (oh, the irony of me buying an American flag - in Walmart of all places!), pick up sticks in the yard, put the tops on the various bird baths she has all over, carry some old paint cans up from the basement and set out for somebody to pick up, assemble a shelf, rearrange the two bedrooms upstairs, and repair the upstairs toilet. I was able to get everything done between Saturday late-morning to late-afternoon. I knew she also wanted help cleaning out their garage but.... what it really needs is a dumpster and for her to be gone! Ugh, they have so much... crap!

Anyway, some other tidbits from the trip...

• I wasn't feeling overly good health-wise. Nothing serious, but a sore throat and just a run-down sort of feeling. My throat was swollen and sorer on Saturday, and I kind of had that clammy feeling. It didn't hinder me much, but probably just made me a little more irritable than usual.
• I worked at the Y 5-9 am Friday, then left for Buda around 1 pm EST. I hoped to miss the bulk of traffic along I-80 between Gary, IN and Joliet, IL (they are an hour behind us). It wasn't bad until I got near Joliet where I-55 crosses I-80. This seems to always be a hectic section, and it was again. It was stop-and-go, bumper-to-bumper for several miles. I know there was at least one wreck, it also goes from 3 lanes down to 2. So I was kind of just spacing out, stopping and starting, and then BAM! A guy in a pick-up truck rammed into me from behind. It kind of woke me up and took me a minute to realize what had happened (not that I was sleeping, but just not paying attention). Anyway, since traffic was already stopped, I got out, and he got out. We didn't see much in the way of visible damage - a little dimple in my back bumper plastic - so we each gave a thumbs up and got back in our vehicles. He offered to give me his phone number but I didn't think it necessary. And it wasn't. Whew!
• I didn't do anything Friday night. We had Casey's pizza and watched NCAA basketball tournament games. I went up to my room around 9 pm I think. I did some reading and am not sure what time I fell asleep. I didn't wake up until like 10 am the next morning though! It felt good to sleep in.
• Saturday afternoon I had to go to Kewanee to get a part for the toilet. On the way back I stopped in at Brothers Pub to see if the owner was there. He was, but he wasn't working. Instead he was drunker than drunk. So he bought me a couple beers and made me do a shot of Patron with him. He's a good guy, and I usually like talking with him. He's one of those who considers himself an atheist or agnostic, but ALWAYS wants to talk about God and religion. He also asked me several times if I would want to buy the bar. It actually has a couple apartments above and another room beside that could be a restaurant or... I've always thought would make a great church/community center sort of thing. Anyway, I finally made it out of there and once again just watched basketball with my parents until I went to bed at 10 pm.
• I ended up leaving Sunday morning when my mom left to go to church. It was an uneventful trip back to the Fort, even though it rained off and on. My throat still hurt and my neck was sore, but I stayed awake pretty good.
• I guess I did go for a run Saturday afternoon. I only needed to do a 5k on this day, so I ran a little over 3 miles and walked another mile. It was the first time I'd run outside in a long time. Ugh, I was feeling it in my throat and chest, but it also felt kind of good. I took some of these pics along the way.

Very cool that they are starting to use this again.

Coming into town from the West. Turns into Main St. My parents live in one of those houses.

Not fond of the color, but I like the signage.

Bourbon, IN. I've always wanted to get a pic of Bourbon Bible Church. :)

Women and children visit to buda

I almost forgot to make note that Jane, Carrie and the kids made a weekend visit to the parents/grandparents/great-grandparents this past weekend. They left Friday late-afternoon, and returned back to the Fort Sunday evening.

I'm happy that Jane and Carrie are happy to visit my mom and dad. I think my mom probably appreciates them - and visits with them - more than she would a visit from me. Jane is so good with people. I'm not sure she realizes that.

Anyway, nothing spectacular or more to say, but I'd say they had an uneventful trip. Which is a good thing. I suppose it is my turn to go sometime this month or early March.

Holiday travels & festivities (so far)

I made a quick, quick trip to Buda this past Thursday and Friday. I left the Fort shortly after getting off work and headed West. I was picking up my parents to drive them back to our house so they could celebrate Christmas with us. Isaac and Ricci also flew in on Friday evening after Ricci got off work.

My trip to Buda didn't go exactly as planned. I still made it just fine, but it took over 6 hours! Ugh. I left around 2 pm hoping to get through the Gary to Joliet section of I-80 before rush hour. Unfortunately there was an accident around Plymouth, IN. I sat in park for 20 minutes before finally cutting across the median and taking an alternate route. Unfortunately a lot of other people used the alternate so I ended up losing like 40 minutes or so. Then when I got to the Chicagoland area there were a series of accidents on I-80 and I felt swallowed up in a sea of semi's. I soon lost track of time, and as it started to rain and get dark, I knew this was going to be a long, exhausting trip.

I finally did arrive in the old hometown. I ate some potato soup, chatted with the parentals for awhile, and went off to bed. Unfortunately, after being awake for so long, I was tired... but not sleepy. So I lay awake forever and caught up on my Fighting Illini Forum reading.

Friday morning I got behind the drivers seat of my mom's car and transported the folks to our home in Fort Wayne. We made better time than the trip there, and only stopped once to sit down in a Burger King and have a lunch break. The weather was good, minus some lake effect flurries in NW Indiana.

Isaac and Ricci flew direct from Atlanta and their 9:49 pm flight was actually early. They arrived at 9:25 and we made the 10-minute trek to pick them up.

Saturday was spent lounging around the house with all 4 generations of Horwedel/Feipel family members. I think the total is 11 of us - not counting cats and dogs. Saturday evening we took the Feipel Five and the Atlanta Horwedel's to Takaoka - a local Japanese restaurant - for part of everyone's Christmas present. We thought the little kids might enjoy experiential gifts more than mere toys, and I think they did. Below are some pics.

After supper, M'Lady and myself headed to friend Mike's annual Christmas bash. It's been one of our traditions for some time. We snack and chat, and eventually turn 'Catchphrase' into a drinking game. As usual, a good time was had by all.

Sunday we went to church - again, minus my parents. Drew was helping lead the singing. We were also joined by Scott (he's sort of a mix of son Isaac and Drew Carrie's son :)). We set up the live stream so my parents could watch at our house. The rest of the day was lazing around, eating too much, playing with the wee ones, and eating some more.

Today I had to open the Y. I arrived to work at 4:45 am. The first member checked in at 5:38. I was not expecting it to be busy, and it wasn't. Not sure why the boss needed someone else there. Oh well, the alternative is to not get paid.

So, that's been the holiday so far. Tonight - Christmas Eve - we will open presents at our house, then as many as are able will likely attend the service where the grandkids go to school. Tomorrow is Christmas Day - when everyone must go home. Bah. It's been pretty good so far though...

Weekend visit home

We made a quick visit to my parent's this past weekend. The two of us left early afternoon on Friday and made it in 4 1/4 hours. The Feipel 5 arrived later in the evening.

We didn't do too much. I suppose Saturday was our "thanksgiving meal"... and Jane made us lasagna. Jane and Carrie both had a nasty cough, but everyone else seemed to feel okay.

Saturday night the two of us went out to eat with Jane's brother and his wife. Otherwise... that was about it. Lots of football, lots of repeating ourselves to my dad's same old questions over and over, and... lots of eating.

We all left Sunday morning around 10-ish. It's a good thing because they had a major winter storm that evening and lost power overnight. I haven't heard exactly how much snow they got, but the Quad Cities had over 13 inches!

My only real chore for this visit was replacing the furnace filters. I think Drew had a few more. And... that was about the extent of it.

F you (father's day, 5k, and family)

So, it's been awhile since I've written, and it seems like a lot has happened. Fathers Day, a 5k, family time, and farting around.

Fathers Day was fairly uneventful. Jane and I ran in the Associated Churches Fathers Day 5k. It was nothing special - just another 3.1 miles - and Jane finished second in her age group. On Sunday she gave me a gift of some Jamaican rum, along with tickets to see The Wailers (Bob Marley's band) at The Clyde Theater. We then went to church, but I ended up working the parking lot for most of the time as there was a Tincaps game.

The son and his wife came home for a few days (Sunday afternoon to Thursday afternoon). The whole family went to Ribfest for lunch (after church) - which is sort of a tradition. Ribfest seems to have really gone downhill though. It used to be my favorite festival of the summer, but I just don't enjoy it like I used to. It was still fun with the kids.

The entire family went to my parent's house Monday to Wednesday. It was a sweaty-hot time, and Jane and I slept in a tent (newly purchased) with the older two grandkids on the first night. It was ungodly hot, but we enjoyed it nonetheless. The next night we slept on the living room floor in the air conditioning. It was nice to be together with the entire family (my parents, kids, and grandkids)

We had our family picture taken at Friemann Square in Fort Wayne at 'Lunch on the Square' yesterday. It was pretty random but at least we did finally manage to get a picture of all of us.

Apparently this piece of art is a steel structure called Helmholtz. It was created by internationally renowned abstract sculptor Mark Di Suvero. It was a 1985 gift from Rea Magnet Wire, the Alcoa Foundation, and the artist. It was originally commissioned to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Rea Magnet's business in Fort Wayne, and Helmholtz honors physicist Hermann von Helmholtz, who specialized in magnetic field research.

So, there ya go...

Trip home

We took another quick trip back to Buda this past weekend. We left after work Friday night and returned to the Fort Sunday after lunch.

My sister and her youngest son were at my parent's house when we arrived Friday night. The occasion we were all there was for a wedding in Peoria Saturday (our cousin's son). Jane took my mom and my sister to the wedding, and I stayed with my dad while they were gone (he can't stay alone).

Not much at all happened while we were there. We just hung out and I watched a lot of TV. It was, fortunately, pretty uneventful all the way around. So much so that I watched several of the Rocky movies, and I actually watched the movie 'Tombstone' twice back-to-back. We did watch the Belmont Stakes when it was on. Dad tried to keep score or something during the horse race, and he would get confused during the movies when commercials came on, but I was just glad he never freaked out or anything.

My dad and I have never had a good relationship. Ever. That is confounded now by the fact that reconciliation is no longer a possibility. He still knows who I am (most of the time), but he doesn't know what I do or sometimes where I live. So it's a bit sad, tragic, and a relief all at the same time. Sure, there are still some moments of clarity for him, but for the most part I'm not sure he thinks about it. I suppose I am sometimes not all that different...

Anyway, that was that for this visit. We will be returning in another couple weeks. I'm glad it's no farther away than it is.

Quick trip home

Last weekend we made a quick trip to Buda. I had to work Saturday until 2 pm so we left after that and returned to the Fort on Monday (Memorial Day).

We didn't do much - visited with my parents and Jane's brother Mark and his wife, and I mowed my parent's lawn - but the main reason for the trip was to see our old friends John and Jennifer. They are missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators serving in Ireland at the moment. They were home for a month-long break (I think), so we got together Monday morning before we left. We met them, along with Mark, at McDonald's in Princeton.

They are a unique and interesting couple. We got to know them years ago at the church just south of Buda. John was a farmer and Jennifer used to be a nurse in Ireland, but I don't believe she ever practiced in the states. We were involved in various small groups, bible studies, and whatnot together. One day they felt called to do support work with Wycliffe, so John left the family farming business and they've been moving around the globe ever since.

It's crazy to think that John used to spend most of his time working with his hands on the farm or in the shop and now he travels pretty extensively and does mostly computer and networking-type work. He is presently excited about work they're doing in Hungary and a couple other places I can't recall right now. Jennifer does a lot of organizing and hospitality-related work for missionaries and events too.

So... that's pretty much all we did on this last trip home. I guess we did go to Hill Church in Kewanee. They were having it at the park on this particular Sunday. It was nice, and it was a nice weekend.

Caleb turns 4, and a trip back home

This bright-eyed guy turned four years old yesterday. Caleb is the youngest grandchild, and he is FULL of energy. He is one of the most carefree and comfortable-in-his-skin people I know. He smiles easy and can get mad just as quick, but most of the time he's happily taking in life. He's a good kid to be around and I like him much.

We have celebrated his last two birthdays back home in Buda, Illinois. That's where my parents still live, and his "far away friends" are. He refers to his cousins in Illinois as "far away friends." It was his idea, actually, to celebrate his day with them. That's just the kind of person he is. :)

Anyway, it was us two and the Feipel Five staying at my parent's house from Friday night through early Sunday afternoon. We didn't do much other than hang out at the house, play outside, and Saturday afternoon we had a party/cupcake-picnic at the Sheffield park with Dr. Tim's family (he and Elizabeth's kids are the "far away friends"). It was a pretty swell time all around.

My parents are doing about the same. Dad sleeps a lot, but has progressed from the walker to just needing a cane. He has not progressed mentally at all, and never will. Mom still gets around pretty good for being 80. Jane and Carrie took her to Princeton Saturday, and they test-drove a new car with her. She wants to buy a new vehicle - her first one on her own - and I am glad she's starting to make some independent decisions. Of course, they also went clothes shopping. :)

I mowed the lawn Saturday while Drew took the kids out to the Mautino State Park (at least I think that's what it is). We had discussed maybe going to the Psycho Silo - since it was their "soft opening" weekend - but it was a bit chilly and it just didn't seem to work out. I'm sort of finding myself feeling less and less like seeing old friends from back home. I don't really know if there's a reason... I'm simply... not interested. I don't have anything to say, and then it just gets awkward. So..........

That's about all there is to say about this. We are preparing for the Indy Mini this coming weekend so I won't be running much this week. Tincaps games start up again tomorrow night so I will be 'parking-lot-busy.' The grass is getting greener and the sun warmer, so life seems to be moving right along.

Peace out; and, as always, in.

Goodbye old barn

The A Street barn. 3.4.2018

Remember that scene in 'It's A Wonderful Life' where Jimmy Stewart realizes the joy of living and runs through Bedford Falls screaming, "Merry Christmas, you wonderful old building and loan," along with the movie house, and Mr. Potter, etc. on his way home to Mary? Well... think the exact opposite as you read the title here.

This barn has stood across A Street from my parents house - the house where I was born and raised - my entire life. It is scheduled to be torn down possibly as early as today, or next Monday at the latest.

BUDA VISIT
We took a quick trip back to Buda this weekend for what was originally planned as a simple visit with my parents by me, Jane, Carrie and the grandkids. We all rode together in "Grandma Esther's" van, but I found out Friday that the people who own the barn wanted it cleaned out by Monday. So I spent most of Saturday removing contents that had been collected there over the past 55 years. It was a bit of a sad and stressful time for yours truly. Still is.

OWNERS, CARETAKERS AND THE LIKE
While my parents never owned the barn, or pastures surrounding it, we have always been the ones to take care of the property. When my parents moved into their house - the only house they've lived in since before I was born in 1962 - they apparently worked out a deal with the owners at the time. The people across the street owned it, but didn't use it. My dad liked horses, and raised and broke his share, so he was allowed use of the property in return for taking care of it. The property has passed on through a couple generations of family, but the current widow is only related by marriage. Rumor has it a daughter(s) is the one behind having her remove the fencing that had been in place all this time (which my dad maintained all these years), and now the tearing down of the barn. No one seems to know their plans - if they intend to sell the property as lots, or what - but it seems to me they could have handled the situation a little better. Sure, they own the property, but it didn't show a lot of respect for the neighbor who maintained and used it all these years to not give any advance notice to vacate.

THE BARN
Anyway, while I never fully appreciated it all the years I spent putting bales of hay in the mow, or feeding the horses, fixing fence, mowing, and whatever else needed done around the area... it seemed to hit me unusually hard this weekend. It's such a cool old barn. It's a step back in time. The structure is built with a mix of slightly-to-barely milled lumber from another time and culture. Some of the timbers are nothing but trees with the branches lopped. It has been repaired and maintained not by skilled craftsman, but in a manner suited more to the depression-era old west. Boards were not measured and cut to fit, but pieced together from the closest suitable scrap laying around. You didn't know if it was going to be kicked loose again the next day or not, and certainly didn't care what anyone thought of your craftsmanship. The doors all hung crooked; pieces of wire and twine were as much a part of the fabric as age-old manure from horses and other wild critters who called the place home. Inside the main door was a supporting stump of a post holding thousands of cut baling twine from the years of hay I used to fling into the three side-by-side feeding troughs. Nothing was straight, nothing polished, but it was functional and had a rugged beauty you couldn't possibly manufacture today. Upstairs was a near-empty mow where loads of cussing sweat had been dumped with each seasonal load of hay. All that remains are broken windows and animal dung, and dust. Lots of dust. I suppose there to remind me of all I'd forgotten that once used to be good and true and right.

Well, there's no point trying to wax poetic on such haunting reminders of a forgotten past . It is what it is, as they say. Time waits for no man. Life goes on. And that it does...

A TINY APOLOGY
It was ironic, as my helper for the day was "Tiny." He showed up out of curiosity as much as wanting to scrounge whatever he could for scrap. I let him take what he wanted, because he's a good neighbor to my parents. What I found surprising was, he said this was the first time he had ever been in the barn. His parents lived next to my parents in houses built by the same man (with near-identical floorplans) longer ago than my 55 years. When Tiny's dad passed away, he moved into the place. He was the oldest of the neighbor kids when I grew up, so I don't remember interacting with him much. He was always pretty quiet, as he still is in his post-cancerous sixty-some years. So it was ironic to me that he'd never been in this barn across the street from where he'd spent almost all his life, but also because he was the one helping me prepare it for burial. He's a large man, definately old-school, but with a gentleness of life about him not readily apparent in his downcast gaze. It was his younger brother who used to mess with the neighborhood kids, and while I don't remember ever talking to Tiny then, I can vividly recall seeing him beat the living shit out of his brother more times than not. I never really thought about whether any of those beatings had anything to do with what he knew was going on. However, as two old geezers wheezing in the ancient dust of our forgotten youth, it finally made sense. Was this his way of apologizing? I don't know, but I think it's a good possibility.

AND SO IT GOES...
So... the barn is gone. If not actually, at least figuratively for me. It was a rough weekend emotionally. It's usually difficult enough for me to stay mentally engaged answering the barrage of questions and dealing with small-talk. I'm starting to lose my sense of nostalgia about "home" though too. Part of me is ready to turn the page, and I don't really even care to return. But I know I will. Maybe this is what's it's like to move into the next phase of life. I don't much life it so far. That's nothing new though. It seems nothing is new there either. And time passes slowly...

Mostly dead all ... week

Unlike Wesley from the classic, 'Princess Bride,' my arms do seem to work. Yet I feel not only have I been "mostly dead all day," but more like a week, or more. I've lost track of how long I haven't felt good. Basically I've felt like this for as long as I can remember now. I sleep a lot, cough up a lot of phlegm, blow a lot of gook out my nose, and occasionally eat a little food and drink coffee, tea or water. I've been sick.

I suppose it's the flu, or a sinus infection, upper respiratory thing, or some such yuckiness. Jane has had it too. She finally went to the doctor yesterday and got some antibiotics. I probably should too but it's always so hard to tell what you're "supposed" to do or not. If it lingers into this coming week I will go because that will means it's been at least two weeks. It's not a 'stuck in bed' sickness, but more like 'feeling slightly more aware than a zombie' stumbling through life.

WORK
I think I've been working the 5-9 am shift for the last two weeks (Monday-Friday). Although New Year's Day I worked noon-4 pm. I tried to find someone to work for me, but I not-so-surprisingly had no luck finding anyone to help out.

CHRISTMAS BACK HOME
We went back to Buda to have Christmas with my parents last weekend. Jane and I left after I got off work at 9 am Friday. We made good time even though it snowed the last half of the trip. It continued to snow the entire rest of the day, so much so that the Feipel's decided to wait until Saturday morning to come (instead of after Drew got off work).

Friday must have been when I felt sickest. My nose was running like a faucet, and I wasn't much good for anything all weekend. Carrie wasn't feeling the greatest either, so hopefully we didn't infect my parents.

Anyway, Jane and I were in Buda from Friday until leaving Sunday morning. We were supposed to go out with friends for New Year's Eve back in Fort Wayne, but I was not up to it so we brought in the new year from bed. The Feipel's were in Buda from Saturday morning until returning Monday.

It was probably not the visit my mom was hoping for, but I suppose just having someone there with her for a few days to take her mind off dad helped somewhat. Dad was more confused than usual and spent a lot of time in bed - except at night when he was imagining some kind of other reality and wouldn't sleep.

ELSEWHERE
Other than that... I don't really even know what to say. I honestly have little recollection of anything else since Christmas. I guess I removed Facebook from my phone. So I've spent hardly no time on social media for a week. I haven't missed it.

Okay, that's all I've got. Maybe my arms aren't going to work so well after all...

Thanksgiving and a trip home

Thanksgiving was spread over several days for us this year. Drew's band has started playing a show on Thanksgiving Eve each year, and this year we babysat the grandkids (since Carrie had to work and then she went to the show). So we took the wee ones downtown for the annual "Night of Lights" or whatever it is in Fort Wayne. They light several of the major displays downtown, and close off the streets so people can mingle about. There were a lot of people!

The grandkids played along for awhile, but it was cold and they eventually got hungry, so we made our way to Wendy's for supper. After that we brought the kids to our house for the night. We watched the movie 'Heidi' (Anna's pick) until they were all asleep.

THANKSGIVING
Thanksgiving day started with the three wee ones full of energy first thing in the morning. Drew Carrie arrived around 12:30 or so and we enjoyed Jane's magnificent lasagna and Carrie's pumpkin pie. I'm not real sure what went on the rest of the afternoon because even though I had no tryptophan/turkey, I still took a nap. I woke up eventually and we watched football until the Feipel five left around 5 for their next stop. Jane and I parked in the recliners and we were done for the night.

THE TRIP HOME
Friday we both worked. Jane actually went to work with me at 4:30 am. She did her workout, then went in to work early. I was done at 9, and I picked Jane up around 12:30? and we headed off to Buda for a Thanksgiving weekend with my parents.

We made good time - making the trip in 4 hrs. 10 min. The Feipel's were a couple hours behind us, and we all just hung out at my parents house Friday night.

Saturday we had the traditional Thanksgiving meal. My mom had made the turkey, and she let Jane and Carrie make everything else. It was all fabulous. I don't know why we only have meals like this once a year! The kids were all well-behaved and had a good time (although poor little Anna had a nasty cough and cold). We didn't do anything again Saturday but lounge around the house. I guess Jane and I went out and visited with her brother Mark and his wife, while the Feipel's went to Dr. Tim's in Sheffield to play with the cousins.

Sunday morning Jane and I went to church with my parents in Buda, and the Feipel's went to church in Kewanee with the cousins. We all headed home after church. We made good time again - 4 hours and 20 minutes.

CHURCH(?)
Church at our old church is sooooo awkward. We really don't know very many people anymore, and we're not used to a "regular" church service. It just seems so foreign, and mechanical. It's like everyone looks the same - dressed in blue jeans and with the same smile on their face. They're really good people, but it's just weird. It reminds me of just how much we've changed. Oddly enough, probably the highlight for me was being able to sing the one hymn they did. I miss singing church hymns.

Anyway..... it was a good holiday and trip home. I always feel bad for my mom when we leave. You can tell she gets lonely. My dad wasn't too bad, but he is really aging. He doesn't move very fast, and conversation is difficult. I'm sure it's hard for him with all the commotion. We all survived though, so it was nice.

Quick trip home

I made a quick trip back home by myself this past weekend. Actually, it was Thursday-Saturday. It was a last-minute decision when I found out I was starting a new job this week (more on that later). So I headed out Thursday around noon and arrived back in the Fort early Saturday afternoon.

About the only thing I did at my parents was mow the lawn Friday, and pick up walnuts. They have a huge walnut tree on the east side of their house. It provides great shade - and for many years held a tire swing I played on - but I can remember having to pick up walnuts from it my entire life. My parents had already filled about a dozen buckets of various sizes so I took them to the park and dumped them on the burn pile. My mom and I then filled them all again and I dumped those. In the few hours after they had all been picked up, I eventually filled another couple buckets again. I'm sure there is another load gathered by now.

At any rate, my mom always appreciates when I mow the lawn. They have oddly weird grass. It is super soft, and it's very thick. In some places it's almost like carpet. However it is also somewhat tough to cut. So you have to walk extremely slow to make it look really good. I have always treated mowing somewhat like art, and I like looking at it when it's done. I feel like I've accomplished something.

Another thing that happened was I discovered a bunch of bumble bees to the southwest of the house while mowing. And I mean there was like a couple dozen at least. They were coming out of the ground! It was weird. They didn't really bother me, so they must have been males (who apparently don't sting), but I've never been a fan of bees. I googled about them after mowing and am hoping they move on.

The only other thing I accomplished while there is purchasing a new swing for the tree in the backyard. My mom had an old wooden swing hanging from a tree and the board had broken. I offered to make another one, but in the meantime I went to Menards and bought a $7 red belt swing and hung it up.

One thing about this trip home... I found I didn't really want to be around people. Both Thursday and Friday night I "went out" and thought about stopping in at a watering hole to chat with old friends, but just drove around by myself instead. Friday night my parents wanted me to go to the high school football game with them - especially so because it was 'Homecoming' - and while a good son probably would have, I just couldn't bring myself to go. The thought of having to answer questions and chit-chat with people I really didn't know anymore was... I don't know if I would call it 'frightening' or 'sickening.'

I'm not sure when I got like this. While it's true I've always been a quiet person and never a fan of small-talk, I did use to like to 'go back home' and visit with people. I thought about stopping at the little bar I used to frequent but, again, I simply did not want to have to talk to anyone. I wanted to be silent. So, I suppose in that respect, it was a good trip because I was pretty much allowed to be.

I'm wondering if there is something going on under the surface. Jane and I have both sensed... "something" happening in our lives. Perhaps we are being prepared for some sort of change, or a new direction, or we've simply turned a corner of some kind. I can't quite put my finger on it, and it's not a bad thing at all (I don't think), it's just different.

So, that's what happened on this last trip home. One or both of us will likely try to go again next month, or at least early November. Hopefully road construction through Chicagoland will be better then. It took me almost 6 hours to get there Thursday due to construction and traffic accidents. At least I made it home in under 5 hours Saturday. 

Home again, home again

Well, my road trip didn't take me far. I went home, and came back home again. I suppose that could be quite a ways depending on your viewpoint. In my case, it was Buda and Fort wayne. It was a nice trip, and certainly good to get away by myself for a few days. I should probably do more of that.

THE ANNIVERSARY
The main reason for going back to the home of my birth was to celebrate my parent's 60th wedding anniversary. Jane, Carrie and the kids went back Friday afternoon. I waited until Saturday and drove myself. I arrived Saturday afternoon and we all took my parents to the restaurant of their choice Saturday night. We went to a simple bar and grill in Princeton and much to my fathers chagrin I paid for the meal. I'm not sure he ever really understood what we were doing. Afterward we just went back to my parent's house. They didn't want a lot of fanfare for the anniversary, and we provided that.

CHURCH
Sunday we all went to church (except my dad) where my parents attend and where we did years ago. It is completely different now compared to what it was then. I'm not sure we could be part of this particular group if we still lived there, but it's nice to see the few people we still recognize.

As I sat there during the service it all seemed somewhat surreal. Everything is very proper and mechanical. It was also the day after some horrific racially-charged events in Charlottesville, VA. Not only was there absolutely no mention of it in this all-white congregation, but the prayers in the service were all focused on... the service. That really stood out to me on this day. Like, why would we need to pray that our gathering would go well? And do we not think God can or will act outside of our church services??? I don't know...

ALONE AT THE SILO
Jane, Carrie and the kids headed back to FW after lunch. I took a nap and then later in the afternoon headed out to the Psycho Silo Saloon. It is this incredible biker bar a couple miles outside town. People come from far and wide, and of the hundreds (or maybe thousands) of people there, I only knew a handful. I didn't mind. For some odd reason I feel very comfortable in the middle of a crowd of strangers. Apparently the 'Bartles and James' guys were even there! I saw them several times but had no idea until later it was them.

Anyway, I like looking at the hundreds of motorcycles and old cars, as well as the live music and simply just being in the midst of a place like that. However, at one point the singer in the band made a comment that sort of stopped me in my tracks. They sang old country and rockabilly songs, and he was explaining how their name "Three On A Tree" had to do with a shifter on an old vehicle. Then he stated, "Because if we weren't an all-white band that would be a really awkward name." I was immediately struck by the irony of me standing there all alone in the middle of a redneck midwest, biker bar listening to raucous southern-oriented music with an entirely white crowd. I have to admit, I was momentarily dazed. Why did this seem so normal and yet so strange at the same time? I was left pondering that thought the rest of the evening. I finally did run into a couple couples that I knew but mostly just hung out by myself, drank beer (and ate supper), people-watched, and listened to music staring off into the fields of my former self contemplating life and faith and all manner of Sunday-afternoon stuff.

OUT WITH THE OLD
When I first arrived in Buda I drove past where they'd just torn down part of the school of my youth. It actually didn't look as strange as I thought it might. There is still quite a bit of the school left, so I'm sure someday it will look like it's always been that way.

Another thing being torn from the past is the fence around the property across from my parent's house. We had always taken care of the barn and pasture and my dad housed and raised horses there most of his life. He hasn't had a horse for some time though, but continued to take care of mowing around the inside and outside of the fence, as well as storing a few things in the barn. However, Monday morning we saw some guys show up and begin to tear the fence out. It was quite the to-do as my parents looked out their windows. Finally mom called the lady who owned it and politely inquired. I guess the lady had decided to hire some guys to keep the pastures mowed and one of their stipulations was being able to remove the fence. I/we didn't question her reasoning, but it did seem a simple phone call to the person who'd taken care of the property for decades might have been in order. Anyway, my dad got a little agitated as he watched the hundreds of fence posts being removed that he (and I) had installed by hand; the board fence we'd nailed up and painted; and some of the gates he'd bought and mounted. Dad apparently asked the worker guys if he could have his gates back and they informed the owner. She called my mom and said that even though dad had put them up, they belonged to the property, and she had told the mower guys they could have them as part of their pay. So, that incited a little drama around the house, but all in all it was merely more of the past fading away and will likely soon be forgotten.

It probably didn't help that my mom and I spent most of the day Monday cleaning up their garage a bit. She would like me to get rid of some junk (of which there is much), as well as remove the inside dog kennels that take up a lot of space. My dad doesn't really understand the concept of things wearing out or no longer being useful, so we put a lot of things in my car for me to bring home and dispose of here. Otherwise I spent most of the day straightening and sorting extension cords, pieces of wire, and all sorts of other useless trinkets hanging from the walls and rafters. It does look a little better, but what is really needed is a roll-off dumpster. I think the respectful thing to do is wait until it can be done without my dad being around. I doubt we will have to wait long.

SPACE TO EXPLORE
I really had no timetable for a return from this trip, but I probably did intend to stay longer. I left Tuesday late morning though because it seemed to not be the time or place to find what I was looking for. I'd hoped to do some reading, writing, and research on where to go with my life. I'm not sure how I forgot that my parent's house isn't the best place to do that. It's difficult to find free space there. You know, if you're reading or sitting at the computer, for some reason that must mean you want someone to talk to you (not). So, I didn't accomplish much I had in mind, but it was still a nice, uneventful trip. I got to bed early each night, slept until I was ready to wake, and didn't do anything too stupid.

At one point - while eating supper one night - my mom asked me, "If you could do anything you wanted, what would it be?" My mom doesn't usually ask such serious questions, and I really didn't have an answer. I've been thinking about it ever since though. I suppose it's sad, but I really don't know what I like to do. I've kind of started thinking towards a business of my own. Preferably something I can do from home or in a shop by myself. So I've stuck my nose into a little interest at computer-run startups and whatnot. I like to write, research, and work on the computer. Although I also like to work with my hands. Working alone seems to be the constant.

One evening while back in the old homestead I did take a drive through Kewanee, IL. Memories ago I/we had dreamed of planting a church there. I slithered through the streets on this trip with an eye toward self-storage. I know... It is something I have a little knowledge in now. This town of 13,000 doesn't appear to have much to offer - at least not any that looks very inviting. So it was a very prelminary scouting assignment to peruse property and potential in the event this was ever a place we found ourselves again. It is the town where Jane and I got engaged after all. :)

AND NOW...
I suppose I should end this droan and start the day (since it's 3pm). I found myself making mental notes over the past few days, but not feeling any real obligation to post it here. I have a feeling I forgot a few things I intended to explore further, and such is life. For now I need to get on the treadmill, give myself a haircut, and take a nap/meditate.

Peace out; and in...

So long school

They've torn down the buildings where I went to elementary and high school. It had originally been the Buda School District, and more recently part of the Bureau Valley School district. It will always be remembered as Western Community Unit District 306 to me though. That's what it was from 1961-1995, as well as when I lived/attended there. That's what it was when my dad was the principal there too. In fact, he was the high school principal 33 of the the 34 years Western existed (1961-1994). Not only was he the principal, but over the course of his tenure, he was also athletic director, golf coach, assistant football coach, assistant superintendent, bus driver, and probably various other positions as well. I can't really remember attending an event at the school where my dad was not present. So it's kind of sad to see the buildings torn down.

I'm not even sure what the buildings were being used for at the present. I think the plan now is to keep the single-story part (gym, cafeteria, and some offices/classrooms) and bring in some portable classrooms for 3rd-5th grades (or something like that). When I attended school here the Buda elementary was in the East wing, and Western High School was in the West wing, and part of the East. Kindergarten and Jr. High were in neighboring Sheffield (Buda and Sheffield made up Western).

I have a lot of memories from the old school - though probably not as many as my dad. His first job out of college was as the Ag teacher at Buda High School. When they consolidated with Sheffield to form Western, he was talked into becoming the school's first principal - at the ripe old age of 28! I just recently learned that he didn't really want to do it, but let himself be persuaded into it. It is not something I enjoyed as a child growing up in the same small town, but I do have to say that I always admired and respected my dad even if we didn't always get along. He really did (and does) care about kids, and people in general. He took a lot of crap from a lot of people on behalf of people who were never aware of him standing up for them.

It just dawned on me the other day that perhaps part of why I took being let go as a pastor so hard was because of the fact that my dad spent his entire career at the same place. I guess I had always dreamed I would remain the pastor of the same church my whole career too. When it was cut short after 14 years, I guess I felt like my dream had died, as well as I had failed to live up to the example my parents set. Not only could I not keep a job, but my parents have lived in the same town their entire lives since leaving college. Not that it's bad or wrong or anything to not, but it's somewhat disappointing personally.

So, the school buildings are torn down. My mom was texting me pictures all day Monday as it was happening. A bunch of them sat in lawn chairs across the street and watched the bricks tumble. I suppose that's 'progress,' or something. It's kind of sad to me. Not that I care all that much about the buildings or the current school district, but from a more nostalgic point of view. I imagine it was hard on my parents to watch. Here are some pics...
 

My dad at what used to be the door to his office.

The elementary side.

Another brick... in the ground.

2017 summer vacation with the family

I've been away from the blog for a week. Can't really remember the last time I went that long, but I didn't miss it all that much. I do, however, have a head full of ideas and time will tell if they ever make it to print. First up though is the family vacation we just spent with... the family.

It started last Saturday (July 8) and ends today. Jane and I met up with Carrie and her family and Isaac and Ricci at my parents house in Buda, IL. My sister and her youngest son came from Minnesota. Isaac and Ricci had driven from Atlanta to Indy the day before (to see her mom). We squeezed into my parent's house until Monday. Deb and Kevin left in the morning, and the rest of us went to Galena, IL where we had a house rented from Monday afternoon through Thursday morning. Isaac and Ricci returned to her mom's Thursday, and we and the Feipel five returned to my parent's house. Drew Carrie and ABC went back to Fort Wayne Friday; Jane and I returned home to the Fort Saturday. Today is the buffer before real life smacks us in the face again.

HOUSE FULL
The first weekend at my parent's house went better than expected, but that is a lot of people in a fairly small space. My parents do have 3 bedrooms, but it was an awkward arrangement. So much so that Jane and I brought our tent and slept in the yard both Saturday and Sunday night. The first night Anna stayed with us in the tent, but fortunately it was just the two of us the second night. It rained and stormed like crazy Sunday night. We didn't think the tent was going to survive, it was being whipped around so bad. But, it did. We had a little water get in from the sides leaning in, but all in all it wasn't terrible.

As for those in the house... Well, my parents slept in their room, my sister on the couch in the living room, Ricci, Isaac, Drew, Carrie and their 3 kids all crammed into one room, and somehow nephew Kevin ended up with a room to himself and a queen bed. The room with our kids and grandkids had 2 twin beds and an air mattress. I have no idea how they all fit in there, but apparently they managed.

We didn't do too much while there with everyone. I guess we did all go out to the Psycho Silo Saloon Sunday afternoon. It is one of the coolest biker bars I have ever seen - just a couple miles north of Buda. Other than that we kind of just sat around and talked or played with the young-uns.

GALENA TERRITORY
After my sister left, the 9 in my family left my parents and we spent a few days in Galena, IL. It's amazing how different and beautiful the northwest part of the state is. We rented a house in the Galena Territory that had 4 bedrooms and 4 full bathrooms. It was a really nice house with a deck and was laid out perfectly for a group. Jane and I had the master bedroom off the kitchen; Isaac and Ricci took the other upstairs bedroom; The Feipels then had the entire downstairs. One bedroom had a king or queen bed, one had two twin beds, and the living room between them had a couch that made out into a bed. Each bedroom and both living rooms had their own TV's - though we didn't watch very much of it.

Staying in this house (I think it was 2 Partridge Ct on Cedar Rim Rd., or something) meant we could also use the "Owners Club." It was a couple winding miles drive and had a huge indoor and outdoor pool, tennis, basketball, game room, fitness room, bar/restaurant, and meeting rooms. There was also a riding stable, spa and conference center, general store, waterfall, and probably some other things we didn't even notice spread throughout the property.

The kids LOVED the pool. It was a perfect size for them, and was never very crowded. All the adults made use of it too. One special treat Jane had in store for Anna was a horse riding lesson. She had booked it before we arrived. It didn't go exactly like we'd imagined, but Anna remembers the good parts and we were all quite proud of her for sticking it out. Apparently it was geared more for older kids, but this 6 year-old is such an animal freak that a spunky horse wasn't going to dim her love.

One other pre-arrangement Jane made was to hire a photographer to come to the house and take family pictures. She was real laid back and did a great job with the kids.

Other than that, we made a couple trips into downtown Galena. It is a cool little town with neat shops and historic areas. I think everyone had a good time. On the way out Thursday morning we all stopped at the waterfall area Drew discovered. The kids had big fun looking for fish, frogs and chiggers; and the big kids enjoyed skipping rocks and such.

We said our goodbye's to Isaac and Ricci from there and the rest of us headed back to Buda. On the way we stopped at Poopy's Pub and Grub in Savanna. It is another giant biker bar that I've heard of and we drove right past it on our way. The kids got a kick out of the name, and the food was actually really good. They also have a store, and the big area out back is where the bands play and whatnot. It was cool, and totally different from the Psyco Silo, so I'm glad we got to stop there too.

HOMECOMING
When we got back to my parent's house Thursday afternoon we were all pretty tired, but they had resurrected the old "Sheffield Homecoming" this year - and Thursday night was "armband night." We kind of talked Drew Carrie into taking their kids over for it - and they had a blast! Most of the rides were small enough for the little kids to enjoy. There was a ferris wheel, merry-go-round, roller coaster, giant slide, fun house, cars, and some other more spinny rides. Anna loved them all. Bennett did pretty good until he went with Drew and Anna on some paratrooper ride that spun backwards and forwards. He hung in there, but it took the poor guy a while to recover. Caleb was content with the cars, funhouse, slide, and he did try the roller coaster. When he got off it he matter-of-factly said, "I don't like that one." The young one doesn't put on airs.

Friday night they had the local band "Legenz" perform. This is a group led by our old music teacher from when Jane and I were in school. Prior to teaching he had been in the rock group "Chicago" (or some such group) and was/is an enormously talented trumpeteer. He is now 70-something, and leads this band doing some singing and still blowing the horn very well. They played a really good set of old rock-n-roll songs. I was surprised the crowd wasn't bigger, but there were a number of his old students in attendance. I thought it was a fun evening. We sat by my parents and Jane's brother Mark.

After the entertainment was done we went down to Brothers Pub. There weren't many there, but we are friends with the owner. Before the night was over Jane's oldest brother and his wife came in, as well as a number of former schoolmates who were in town for the celebration. So we ended up staying until 2:30 in the morning or so. I even got to be bartender for awhile (after they had "closed" at 2 am). This was an old hangout of ours when went through our "party" phase. Every time we go back it seems I end up speaking with the owner about God for a good part of the night (he brings it up - as an agnostic). It happened again this time, and we had a great chat off and on about faith, religion, Jesus, and humanity. I really enjoy bar-stool chats about Jesus. Sometimes I wonder if that isn't my "calling"... if I could just keep from flying too close to the flame. I dunno.

Anyway, Saturday came too soon and we said goodbye to my parents. I think my mom was really sad to see everyone go. I suppose it may have helped that we left in waves. First Deb & Kevin, then Isaac and Ricci, then the Feipel's, and finally us. My dad was confused most of the time, but actually wasn't as bad overall as I was afraid he might get with so many different people around.

FINALLY
And so ends a great week spent with family and old friends. I left out a lot of details - some on purpose and some because they've escaped memory - but it really was a good time. I was very relaxed throughout, and don't think I was an idiot too many times. The kids all got along, and the little kids were so super good the entire time. A week away may be the longest they've ever been away from home.

I think everyone liked Galena. I don't know if I could live there, but it is a place we would like to visit again. As for Buda/Sheffield... I had really kind of lost my attachment to the place in the last couple years. Even though I lived the first 34 years of my life there, it doesn't really feel like "home" anymore. However, as we were heading back to Fort Wayne, this was the first time I've not felt like we were coming back to our home here either. Something seems to have changed. It's like I don't have a home anymore. I'm not sure I feel settled anywhere; but at the same time I don't necessarily feel unsettled anywhere either. I think maybe something is happening.

As for work... well, I didn't think of it much at all while gone. Other than a few fleeting thoughts wondering if I can go back or not. I WILL go back tomorrow, but I really do not like what I do. And it's nothing against the job or the company... I am just not into it anymore. But I don't know what I am into. So... who knows.

I'm just going to enjoy the fact that we had a swell vacation. It was better than expected as far as I'm concerned, and I suppose the rest will take care of itself.

Rather than taking the time to insert pics where they go, I think I'll just put a bunch of random ones below:

On the street in Galena.

At the Psycho Silo Saloon.

Family photo with my parents (but withouth Kyle & Lia).

My "look" for the week.

Oh my. Anna.

At the waterfall. In matching shirts no less.

The Feipel Five.

Ricci & Isaac.

And some of the house we stayed at in Galena...