When we don't know what to do

I am still using N.T. Wright's 'John For Everyone' commentary for my morning devotions. I read the text, and his thoughts on them, and then journal my thoughts and a prayer to God. I must admit, most days it results in little more than, "God, I don't know what this means, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Help." Today, however, was NOT one of those days!

Today's reading was from John 6:1-15, dealing with the 'feeding of the five thousand.' For starters, this is an incredible story and piece of writing. More than that, though, I really like how Wright handled it.

Much like a good detective story, Wright contends, John weaves several clues to the meaning throughout. Every little detail has meaning. For instance, this is the second time John has mentioned something happening at Passover time. He seems to want us to connect our minds to the Passover itself - when God liberated the children of Israel from Egypt - and with the other Passover events in the gospel... such as Jesus' death and resurrection. Not only did God provide 'bread from heaven' during the wilderness wanderings, and at this event with a crowd in the hills, but he has provided for our ultimate need in the 'bread and cup' of Jesus himself!

What really caught my interest today was something else Wright points out though: the exchange between Jesus, Philip and Andrew - and, of course, the unnamed boy with the bread and fish. As Wright writes:

"Philip doesn't know what to do. Andrew doesn't either, but he brings the boy and his bread and fish to Jesus' attention. The point is obvious, but we perhaps need to be reminded of it: so often we ourselves have no idea what to do, but the starting-point is always to bring what is there to the attention of Jesus. You can never tell what he's going to do with it - though part of the Christian faith is the expectation that he will do something we hadn't thought of, something new and creative."

Yes! Yes! and Yes! again!!! Isn't that so awesome?!?

Wright also points out the jump Jesus' hearers make from 'prophet' to 'Messiah' (or king). He notes, "...the reaction of the crowds shows that they understand both of these in what Jesus regards as a quite inadequate sense. In much of the rest of the chapter, Jesus will attempt to move them towards a deeper and truer understanding. We must hope and pray that this chapter has that effect on us as well." Amen!

But back to the bolded point above (the exchange between Jesus, Philip and Andrew)... This really triggered something in my mind this morning. I'm not entirely sure why, but... it's what is there.

What it has me thinking is... is this the point of prayer? Are we simply to bring what we have to Jesus... in hopes that he will do something with it? Something new and creative... something we'd never guessed, or expected, or thought possible? I mean, that's kind of what faith itself is, am I right?!?

Anyway, in my journal this morning I just wrote down what was there. I tried to 'be still' and simply notice my surroundings, my thoughts, what was happening in and around me. It didn't seem like much to me... like a sack lunch... but I, even I, admit to being just a little excited - for at least a moment - at the thought of what Jesus might be able to do with it.

So what about you? What is 'there' in your life... that you can bring to Jesus' attention? Think of it not only as an experiment in mindfulness... but faithfulness too. :)

Peace out; and in.

AAR presentation

Son Isaac informed us he will be presenting a paper at the American Academy of Religion Annual Program this November in Denver, Colorado. This is something he has attended the past several years and is a pretty big deal to be chosen as a presenter. Looks like pretty heady stuff.

This is a screenshot of his section in the program. I'm not sure what all that means, but this is the area he is doing his Phd work in, so I suppose he knows what it's about. :)

Pretty cool!

Beer study and bible tasting

I finally got around to starting up the 'Beer Study & Bible Tasting' I've been tossing around in my head for the past, oh, ten years or so (thanks to Carrie & Jane).

We have met twice now - once on a Friday night and the second on Sunday afternoon. Besides Jane, myself, and Drew Carrie, there is another young couple and a friend/co-worker of Drew's who happens to consider himself an atheist. I think it's a good group.

WHAT IS IT?
It is, of course, a play on words. We don't actually study beer or taste the bible. The idea is not so much that anyone NEEDS to drink beer, or even believe the bible for that matter, but it is simply an informal way to get together and discuss the bible, and maybe have a couple beverages as we do. So far I think we have had some really great discussion.

FORMAT
There isn't really a set format we follow. So far I've just googled a couple 'basic beer facts' and introduced them to the group, then we've watched a video from THE BIBLE PROJECT and discussed it. We watched 'What Is the Bible' in week one, and 'Literary Styles in the Bible' in week two. It appears we watched the first and third video in the series - because I'm an idiot - so I guess we will watch the second one the next time.

We haven't done a lot 'in' the Bible yet, but we discussed the need/desire to last week. So we will likely watch a couple more in the 'How To Read the Bible' series and then concentrate on a book, or maybe we will just add some book study to the video. We will play it by ear.

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Personally, I've hedged against this for too long probably. I haven't felt like much of a leader and I've feared setting myself up for yet another letdown, so my heels have admittedly been dragging. I'm trying to be very laid back and not get overly excited or uptight about anything. At the same time, though, I do feel it necessary to be mindful of the integrity of the original intent. I don't want there to be any shaming, pressuring, or bashing of anyone. So, we will see how it goes. I have no pre-conceived expectation of how things will develop, nor do I feel any particular 'ownership' of the thing. I hope I can stay that way. I also hope some might find it worthwhile as well though.

Isaac's graduation from Candler

We just returned from an extended weekend in Atlanta, Georgia to help son Isaac (and Ricci) celebrate his graduation from Candler School to Theology. He received his Master of Divinity, and we are very proud parents. Here is a little blurb from the Candler web page article:

Candler conferred a total of 147 degrees this year, which included 89 Master of Divinity, nine Master of Theology, 14 Master of Theological Studies, five Master of Religion and Public Life, three Master of Religious Leadership, one Master of Divinity/Master of Public Health, one Master of Theological Studies/Master of Public Health, two Master of Theological Studies/Juris Doctor, 22 Doctor of Ministry, and one Doctor of Theology degrees. - See more at: http://candler.emory.edu/news/releases/2017/05/candler-celebrates-sends-forth-class-of-2017.html#sthash.MbFCHow6.dpuf

Isaac will now be pursuing his doctorate at Emory's Laney Graduate School. He will begin this coming fall.

It was a beautiful weekend in Atlanta for graduation - which took place on Monday, May 8th. The day started with the Emory graduation around 9 am. We then attended a luncheon at Candler, and the seminary held their ceremony in the afternoon. It was nice to meet some of Isaac's friends and teachers for the first time. They were both very nice ceremonies.

THE TRIP -
Jane and I drove down and back. We left Friday after work and went as far as Dayton, OH. That took about 2 hours and we thought that would give us a head start on the next day. What we didn't think about was that it was also graduation weekend in Dayton, so we had a little trouble finding a hotel room. We ended up getting the last room at a pretty nice place and spending way too much, but it was nice to only have an 8-hour drive Saturday from there to Atlanta. We came back yesterday, so it was basically Saturday evening through Tuesday morning in Atlanta.

We were glad daughter Carrie was able to be there too. She flew down Saturday and left Monday evening. That was a long time for her to be away from the kiddles but it was nice having the family together for a few days.

The three of us stayed in a dorm on the Emory campus. It wasn't exactly 'home' but it was super convenient for the graduation festivities. Isaac and Ricci's house just has one bedroom and it's a bit of a drive from the campus. Plus traffic was just a little insane all weekend. Actually, Atlanta traffic in general is pretty insane to us!

Logistically, we took route 33 from Fort Wayne to I-75 through Ohio, Kentucky and Tennessee and that took us all the way there. It is 648 miles and takes right about 10 hours one way. Saturday it rained most of the way - especially through the hills of Kentucky and Tennessee. That was not a pleasant drive. Coming home Tuesday was much better with just one little bit of rain around Cincinnati. There was less road construction than I expected, and other than a couple of accidents holding up traffic on the way down it was a pretty good trip. I definitely prefer this route to going through Indy, Louisville, Nashville and Chattanooga. Dayton and Cincinnati are the only two cities you go through and they're both pretty easy to maneuver.

There is a ton more I would like to include, but basically just wanted to get something down to commemorate the occasion before time slid it away. Hopefully I can add more thoughts and memories later. It was a good weekend and we feel pretty blessed. Here are some more random pics:

All of us at the Emory graduation.

The happy family before the Candler ceremony.

Isaac receiving his diploma.

I am the only one to blame for this

Today is inauguration day 2016 in the United States of America. ....

My feelings about Donald Trump have never been favorable. I believe he is disrespectful, immoral, unethical, lacks character, integrity, and is not qualified for the position of president. It has nothing to do with him being a republican, but is strictly personal.

President Obama, on the other hand, is and was "my" president. I refer to him as such because he is the first (and so far, only) president with whom I have identified. We are in the same age bracket, we are both mid-westerners, he "speaks my language" and represents to me how a deep-thinking, dignified person of honor (and faith) should carry themselves. I have the utmost respect for him in spite of any differences we may have on issues.

So, I admit that I am sad to not only see President Obama leave the White House, but to see such a contrast in his replacement. I am sad to no longer feel proud to be an American. I am sad to no longer believe I can trust that our country will at least strive to do the "right thing." I am sad because, honestly - and a little ashamedly - I feel like we lost. There is a sense of defeat, of hopelessness, a sense that we gave it a good shot but in the end - money won out. I feel like a kid who was allowed to dream for a time, but now it's time to put dreams away and let the big boys do what they intended to do all along. Right or wrong, that's how I feel.

And I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed at my level of fear over not only what Trump may do, but all the lunatic Tea Party-ers and big businessmen now in power. I'm ashamed because I got so sucked into putting my hope in politicians and people and presidents. I'm ashamed over the sorrow I feel and the divide I've allowed take root in my brain regarding not only the politicians but their supporters as well. I'm ashamed at how I was 'soaring on the wings of selfish pride.... and I flew too high.' 

This election and transfer of offices has had too much impact on me and occupied too much of my thinking. I have been overly focused on this world, and not enough on where my true home is. I have not risen above it as on wings of eagles.

So when I got up this morning, this inauguration day, I sat at the computer for a long time contemplating what to post or whether to post. Should I remain silent today, in my black shirt and downward gaze? Should I spew my displeasure for all of Facebook to see? Should I stew and wallow in the shadow of my President becoming 'their' President? No, I chose music instead. I ended up being late for work trying to find just the right song to express my feelings. Finally I found the song, and then I had to decide on the best version.

This morning I posted the Jars of Clay song "Worlds Apart" on Facebook. I listened to it in several different versions, maybe 5 times or so. I'm glad I did. It helped me deal with my sadness, but also opened my eyes to my folly. It brought me back to a kingdom reality, not of this world. I posted this version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IpbkUAItGk, though this older one might be my favorite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq_El_J7jMM.


The old regime and the new are very much worlds apart. However, Barach Obama was not the Savior, and Donald Trump is not the devil. May I keep reminding myself, this world is not my home - it is worlds apart from my true home and the kingdom I should be living in. I remember thinking how terrible it was when Ronald Reagan - an actor! - was going to be president. It worked out fine, and this too shall pass. It's up to me to fix my eyes on Jesus. No one can ever take that away.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." - Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

Giving up on willpower

So, according to this site this is 'Ditch New Years Resolutions Day.' Who knew?? And lucky for me, I didn't even make any! :)

Even though I'm not a "New Years" resolutions type person, I have over time made attempts at 'resolving' to do or not do certain things. Whether it is establishing new rhythms and practices or trying to break habits and addictions, I think we've all probably set ourselves at willpowers mercy before.... and probably ended up with the same result as a New Years resolution: Failure.

I have recently been in one of those black holes resulting from a wasted willpower wrangle. Over the last few years I started drinking too much, and exercising too little. It left me not only a tad overweight, but also feeling like a failure because my attempts to change just kept falling flat. So one day I started going back over how I had changed earlier in my life - when it seemed to work.

Through most of my 54 years on this earth I seem to have struggled with just about every kind of habit or addiction imaginable. There's a pretty fine line between the two, and although I'm no authority on the subject, I'm going to speculate that in the most general of loose definitions perhaps addictions are those habits we've gotten sucked into to the point they are unbreakable through willpower alone (son Isaac recently wrote a paper on the limit our own choice has in breaking addiction). In that sense, over the years I have been addicted to caffeine, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, porn, sugar, exercise, and it probably doesn't stop there (though I don't think you can qualify my strange fixation with white t-shirts in this category). With all of those I have had only limited success fighting them with willpower. So I think maybe what we need to do is GIVE UP on willpower. At least on its own. It's also worth noting that addictions are merely symptoms of a deeper issue, whether that be emotional, physical, chemical or otherwise.

The most dramatic change in my life took place when I was in my mid-20's. Life had gotten a little out of hand, what with being young and married and living a party lifestyle, then having two children pop onto the scene. Jane's transformation was perhaps a little more gradual (though not any less dramatic). Carrying a child for nine months will do that to you. As for me, well, I didn't have that luxury/burden. So it took me longer to realize that life had gotten too out of control.

I can remember when Jane started taking the kids to church and I was left on Sunday mornings to hangover alone. Slowly I started to realize that some serious decisions needed made. I would ride my bike through the countryside and let my mind wander. I'd sit and make lists of things I needed to quit or start. Eventually I resolved to be a better person. I was going to be a husband and father and take responsibility for my actions. I started attending church with Jane, I changed my habits and the scenery of my life. I read the Bible and prayed. Willpower was winning. For awhile.

As I thought about this recently, it occurred to me that my "conversion experience" wasn't the day I went forward in church and accepted Jesus "into my heart" though. That was my part, but true change came over me on the night I admitted that willpower was not enough. I gave it up. Actually, I gave it over to God.

I probably don't replay this enough, but it was my 26th birthday. Son Isaac was a few months old and in the hospital. Sometime during the night he had an episode where the doctors called in life-flight to take him to a bigger hospital because they weren't equipped to handle a tiny baby who stopped breathing. I was roused by the commotion and told to leave the room. So I went to the parking lot and, before I'd done anything else, I lit up a cigarette and leaned on my rusted out '73 Torino. Life had just thrown a bucket of puke all over the face of my willpower and I didn't know what to do. So I looked up and in what was perhaps my most powerful of prayers ever before or since I found myself in one of those surreal moments where it was like I could see beyond the cosmos... and I said slowly, plainly, and simply... "Help. I cannot do this, so I am giving you control of my life." It wasn't a panicked or desperate cry, it wasn't rehearsed or even thought out. It just came. The most real and long moment I'd ever experienced in my life. And what came with it was this all-encompassing peace... that made little to no sense to me at the time but the joy and release of the moment was not from this world. That was my true moment of conversion. That was when I first saw God as more than an idea or a genie or someone people just referred to. I gave "up" on my own willpower, and trusted Him.

It actually does sound a little cliche to read about it - without remembering the experience fully. Yet when I think about the last couple years and the struggles I've faced more recently, it makes a little more sense why even praying in my own willpower hasn't seemed to help. There's nothing wrong with willpower and resolving to be or do better, but coming face-to-faith with God.... I'm not sure that can happen until you've completely given up; surrendered; recognized that we are utterly powerless apart from that Center of our soul. At least that seems to be the case in my life.

So, while it's still somewhat the beginning of a new year, what can I make of this?

1. First, I believe change does require an intentional desire on my part. If I don't recognize the need to change, it seems kind of silly to do so. The new year is a logical time to take stock of our lives. It's a good time to ask where am I "winning," and where am I "losing"?
2. Willpower has its place. I need to keep lists; Journal; Have an accountability partner. Giving in to addictions/habits is easy. Overcoming them is hard work, but it's doable.
3. Give up. I guess it's probably Fitch's fault I started thinking about all this. He talks a lot about surrender in his book 'Faithful Presence.' Surrendering to a faith community; to the Spirit's work; to the finished work of Jesus; ala, to God. I think it's in this surrender that willpower morphs into faithpower, and I wish I could explain it but I can't. It's something 'beyond' us. It reminds me of Peterson's version of Matthew 5:3 "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." Somehow it requires giving up, which sort of goes against most of what we've been taught all our lives.

I'm going to practice meditating on this section of Scripture for several days; maybe weeks.

Matthew 5:1-12

^1-2 When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:

³ “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
⁴ “You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
⁵ “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.
⁶ “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.
⁷ “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.
⁸ “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
⁹ “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.
¹⁰ “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.
^11-12 “Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

Random thoughts on words, community, presence, etc.

So I've just been thinking about a variety of things lately. I wish I could focus myself into writing more intentionally - maybe an article or two, even - but I don't seem to have a time spread where I can give proper attention to it. So, here are some randomlies.

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This past Sunday I was thinking a thought I've had many a time over the last few years. I was listening to a sermon and it struck me just how much I really do enjoy hearing sermons. Yes, there are some that are gruesomely awful, but I generally like just about any sermon, and feel I can learn something from just about anyone. I especially like those who teach from the Bible. Even though I did it for years myself, I still sometimes sit in awe.

On the other hand, though, I have come to a point where I honestly do not believe I could preach a sermon again. For awhile I just thought I needed a break. I had lost my creative edge. However, now I am afraid I don't have the emotional framework to be able to do it. I just can't see myself standing in front of people with any sort of confidence. Sometime I forget just how amazed I used to be when I did it regularly, because I have ALWAYS been very shy, yet for a time at least, God empowered me to speak in front of people in ways I never imagined I could. I'm afraid those days may be gone. And that's okay.

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On a separate but similar subject, last night we met with our (small) small group, and we always have someone read a Scripture passage. I then read the same thing from a different translation, and it was while I was reading it that it just started to sink into my bones. I'm not even sure if I was still audibly speaking it, but it was almost like I was living the words. It was a little eerie, but it also felt so very good and right. I am considering suggesting that we might try having each person read the same passage from now on (there are four of us in the group), just to see what happens.

Then, this morning I met with Tom for breakfast and we were talking about the idea of community. We eventually stumbled into a conversation about the importance of mere PRESENCE with others. So often I think people believe we need to be accomplishing something when we're together - that whole idea of 'quality' time over 'quantity.' But maybe our simple presence with one another is just as important as anything that's accomplished. Jesus isn't in our midst when "two or three are gathered" and are ACCOMPLISHING something. It's just when we're gathered in his name.

Tom shared about how in some cultures it is normal for someone to stop by and maybe just read the paper at your house or office. It's not always about what you talk about, or do, or anything.... but just being together. Then we wondered together about young people who get together and play video games, or look at their phone. We tend to discredit this as actual time spent together, but maybe it is just as worthwhile. Even a family hanging out watching TV at night. I dunno... Just thinking.

So, then, my morning reading (at work) from the Spiritual Formation workbook contained these words from Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Life Together):

"...the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God's Word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged, for by himself he cannot help himself without belying the truth. He needs his brother man as a bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation. He needs his brother solely because of Jesus Christ. The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother's is sure."

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So, that's some innaresting stuff that's occupying my mind at the moment (innaresting to me). Words. The Word. Presence. Community. There's a real connection there. And it has nothing to do with 'orders of service,' times, structure, or denominational affiliation. Christ, however, runs through it all. I think that's what I've been looking for. May I look deeper, and become content more with the looking than any sort of achieving.

Words of grace

I actually stuck the below snippet in here last week one day (as a draft, not published). Then, this Sunday our pastor mentioned "words of grace." I don't know if it it was a coincidence or not, but anyway, it's simply keeping track of good words that you hear or read. It could be Scripture passages, something on Facebook, or anything, really.

My daughter posted an article on Facebook last week dealing with why evangelicals are losing people her age. It was a good article, but that's not what I wanted to remember. Below is a comment a friend of hers posted on Carrie's post, and also a response Carrie made to her (and others). Not only do I think it's a very insightful comment by Carrie, and not only do I admire her resolve and passionate faith, but mostly I wanted to keep it because of what she said about me and her mother. It brought a tear to my eye, and I have yet to be able to even respond. She is quite a gem, and she makes us very proud. :)

Comment from a friend of Carrie's, written on her FB post:

I’ve been thinking about how to write this, because I saw this post yesterday, read through it, and loved it. It really, really resonated with me. I left the church about 8 or so years ago, after becoming disillusioned with a lot of the things this author mentioned. Especially the progressive ideology. Even the couple of times I’ve gone back since then have made me angry and depressed (one of the last experiences I had was at a Christmas service, where the pastor somehow managed to denigrate gay people. At a Christmas service!). Anyway, I’ve been noticing your posts, and posts from a couple of other Christians that actually seem reasonable. More than that, inspiring. Like, people who actually think like me, who respect others’ choices and want to live in a world of equality and love. It gives me hope. Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. It was an awesome read, even for someone who isn’t necessarily an Evangelical.

Carrie's response:

I've truly, honestly, never wanted to walk away from the church more than I've wanted to these last 3-5 years. I've seen some horribly nasty stuff, both personally and in the news, and I'm sure I haven't even seen the worst. But I've also seen and experienced some of the greatest things come out of the church. The church is not bad, people just suck. And they tend to suck even worse in groups, right? I haven't left the church because I see a movement rising. I first noticed it 10 or so years ago (I noticed it because my parents are awesome and my dad is usually about 5 years ahead on major trends.) Anyway, there are tons and tons of great thinkers challenging the mainstream christianity fluff who refuse to accept the lame ass answers we've been given to life's toughest questions for the last 30-45 years. There's a movement of brilliant intellectuals who arent afraid to ask questions anymore. But if we all quit going to church, what will happen? I think very bad things. I think very bad things are happening with the American church at large because too many people who need to be at the front lines have quit going, but I cant give up. I think we all need to be prepared to do church different (ahem, Dan Horwedel, I'm still waiting on you to organize a beer study and Bible tasting.) I wish there were an easier way to organize believers who are completely disillousioned with whats happening in this country's church.

That's basically one large rant that says nothing but that, I feel you girls. I want to leave as well. But I see our generation and some of our parent's generation opening our eyes to whats going on, and I want to be a part of the revolution :)

Like · Reply · 2 · August 3 at 9:55am

Ok.... this is me just smiling now. :) Carry on.

God's will vs god

I believe I've mentioned before how Jane and I have been seeking and praying for God's will for our lives for quite some time now. Shoot, it goes back to before we were booted from our church even. It was interesting, then, when at the last minute we decided to attend the church we've been attending this past Sunday (we were planning to go somewhere else), and the pastor spoke pretty clearly about the subject.

According to him (in this sermon), he said that God's will for us really boils down to two simple things:

1. Eternal life
2. Holiness

The message was from 1 Thessalonians 4, and dealt more with the holiness aspect. What really struck the both of us, though, was this statement he made towards the beginning:

"What if you stopped seeking God's will for your life, and simply started seeking God?"

Um, yes, I think that was a word from God to us. So we have changed our nightly prayers. Slightly. We are still asking for direction on where to live, ministry, church, etc. But mostly we are simply trying to seek God; to know him more; to be more fully known and open to His work in our lives.

I can remember a couple periods in my life where I was earnestly desiring to be holy. It wasn't a legalistic or works-centered thing, I really truly wanted to live a holy life - pleasing to God. Those were probably my best days.

I can even remember when I had finished my seminary schooling and we were seeking direction. I believe it was Jane who pointed out that God probably didn't really care where we lived or what church position we had or anything of the sort. So... that's where I'm trying to direct my mind nowadays. I want to have a heart for God; all the time; in everything I do. Which doesn't mean I want to be a bible-thumping, uptight religious snob. I simply want to seek God with all my heart, mind, and strength. I'm sure I will continue to struggle and occasionally fail just like I always have, but I want to keep trying.

Peace out; and in.

The path to life

I wrote awhile ago about going through this Chip Ingram series on "Spiritual Simplicity." We finished it up with the couple we've been meeting with a week or so ago (which is when I wrote this). The last session focused on Romans chapter 12 and Chip outlined what he believes God established as the "path to life."

He says the will of God is that we would be like Jesus; and we do that by loving God and loving others. From Romans 12 he says we get there by living a life...

1. Surrendered to God
2. Separate from the world's values
3. Sober (accurate) assessment of ourselves
4. Serving in love
5. Supernaturally responding to evil with good

This is the path to the kind of life God wants for us. The process for getting there is the B.I.O. (life) that I covered earlier:

Before God daily
In community weekly
On mission 24/7

He also pointed out 3 barriers to living this way:

• An unwillingness to go "all in"
• Your willingness to be vulnerable
• Your fear of failure 

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Personally, I have had my ups and downs with the path, as well as the barriers (certainly they go hand in hand). There have been times when I've been totally surrendered to God, separate from the world's values, able to accurately assess myself, serve, and supernaturally respond to evil. These were also the times I was "all in," willing to be completely vulnerable, and had no fear.

Conversely, it seems lately I have given in way more to the barriers, and therefore the top 5 items are a struggle.

It would be nice if one could say, "Okay, I'm going to get my act together and go about this the right way." Unfortunately - and probably quite contrary to what many people believe - I'm not sure it's something that can just be decided by a mere act of will. In my opinion, all these things boil down to SUBMISSION. Coming before God and admitting I can't do it (on my own), and asking for, relying, on His strength.

This is also linked to whether or not we trust God. It's hard to surrender to someone you don't trust. Like, "I'm not going to submit to God because I'm afraid he will want me to go to Africa and be a missionary." I suppose it's possible that he might, but it's also possible that he wants you to fulfill your wildest dreams in a way that you like (which could, by the way, include Africa). Perhaps this ultimately boils down to whether we believe God wants what's good for us, or whether we deep down believe God somehow wants to punish us for something. I dunno... maybe it's not that cut and dried.

So, I don't know that I have anything figured out, or how I would even rate myself on any of these at the moment. Certainly there are a lot of variables and intricacies. However, it is good to have some concrete items to stare in the face that I know I need his help with. Here's to going there...

Foundational elements of a church

I vaguely remember Tom and I having discussions years ago trying to discern the basics of what it meant to be "a church." You know, something along the lines of: what are the minimum markings of a group of people that make it a church community? I still find myself wondering about the foundational practices I believe are necessary - or at least most important to me - for making a church a church.

I've had this list of "things" sitting on my desk at work that I jotted down some time ago. I usually forget it's there, but every now and then I will add to it or edit. I don't know if I would label them "core values" I believe are important, or "predictable patterns" that should be established, or what.... but these are some of the more important things to me. If I were ever in a position to start or lead a church, this would be my short list.

FOUNDATIONAL ELEMENTS: Establishing a regular rhythm (probably weekly) of ---

• Gathering together to spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
• A focus on the Shema - seeking God (Father, Son, Spirit) first.
• The primacy of hearing/reading Scripture (God's Word).
• The taking/serving of communion - to remember Jesus among us.
• An emphasis on ministering to "the least" among us (thereby serving Jesus).
• Learning, praying, and internalizing the Lord's Prayer as a way of life.

I am not claiming these are things the bible says are necessary for the church to be the church, nor am I saying this should go for everyone. These are simply six things that seem right to me, and I believe are a Scripturally sound set of practices to guide a church community in living out their faith.

The hole in the intelligence argument of atheism

I have regular contact with several people who are very open about being atheists. It doesn't bother me, it doesn't make me like them less, it doesn't really impact our relationship - and even our friendship - one bit. By and large they respect that I have chosen to place my faith and hope in God, and I try to respect that they have decided not to (at least at this point in our respective lives).

I have often heard, and agree with, the position that it is somewhat ridiculous for Christians to try to convince a non-Christian of the validity of the bible by using THE BIBLE. If someone doesn't believe in our faith, why on earth would they believe the basis for our faith? So I have no problem with non-Christians saying they don't want to hear the bible used as a reason they should believe.

On the other hand, though, I think the same argument should be considered by atheists when they try to use intelligence to argue against faith. I stumbled upon this thought the other day during my morning bible reading. 1 Corinthians 1:18-wherever was the New Testament reading for the day. 1 Cor. 1:18-25 says:

¹⁸ The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. ¹⁹ As the Scriptures say,

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise
    and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

²⁰ So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. ²¹ Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe. ²² It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. ²³ So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.

²⁴ But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. ²⁵ This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.

 I am not advocating for dumbness - and I don't believe that's what is being called for in this text either - but using the wisdom of the world to try to argue that God does not exist doesn't exactly hold water to someone who places no faith in the world's wisdom. It has no more validity than a Christian trying to use the bible to convince someone who doesn't believe in it.

So, what are we to do then? Well, maybe what we are NOT supposed to do is argue with one another over who is right and who is wrong. How about if, instead, we could accept others as they are, respect those who believe different than us, and love one another in our differences, for the sake of all humanity. Personally, I think God can sort it all out just fine himself. Now, that doesn't mean we can't still speak from our respective perspectives, but I don't think we need to try to change people's minds.

So, that's what I was thinking about today...

Sharing my story

1 Peter 3:15 says, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." Personally, I have to admit that I am not always prepared, or even hopeful.

I have seen many suggested outlines for writing out your faith story, or "testimony." A couple weeks ago the speaker at our Sunday morning worship gathering gave a message on it. He said we should be prepared with several different-length versions, so we can be prepared whether it's an "elevator speech", we're sharing with someone on an airplane, or building an extended relationship over time. Then at our small group last Thursday night we actually took the time to sit down and write our story out, and then share with the group if we so desired. Jane and I both did.

I found it interesting when we shared that after I gave my story, and then Jane hers, there were things I'd completely forgotten about my own. I guess that proves the importance of needing to "always" be prepared, and the need to go over it from time to time.

I have used several different formats, but I liked the suggestion the speaker at church gave. He said to think of our faith story in terms of:

• our unique upbringing
• our unique sins & mistakes
• our unique God event or encounter
• our unique personality & passions
• and whether it was an event or a process

So, here are the basics of my story... at least as I recall it today:

I grew up in a "good" home, but not necessarily a "churchy" home. We went to church now and then, but that's about it. My parents were always concerned with helping their fellow man though. The biggest issue I had growing up - which I felt did make me quite unique - was that my dad was the high school principal in the small town we lived in. I was well aware of how most people felt about the "principal's kid"  and always felt like an outsider because of it.

I tried to fit in with others and get them to like me - through sports, music, and whatever I thought would work - and eventually I became fairly rebellious as a teenager and into my late twenties. I partied quite a bit to try to be accepted, as well as to deaden the pain of thinking people didn't like me or want me around.

I can remember as a high-school kid actually claiming to be an atheist. However, I also read through the Bible at the same time. I was always a very "down" and "blue" teenager. After high school, Jane and I dated for awhile, and we soon got married. We partied even more, but she eventually tired of the lifestyle and, after having the kids, she returned to church. I was skeptical, but intrigued. I finally gave in, and became quite excited to finally be accepted by a group of people, as well as learning they weren't as uppity as I had suspected.

It was around this time - I was 26 or 28 years old - that our son developed some breathing problems. One night he had to be life-flighted to Peoria because they thought he was going to stop breathing. Jane and I weren't aware of this until some time later, but we both surrendered our lives to Jesus on that night. I finally realized life was beyond my control, I didn't have the answers, and I needed help. So I gave Jesus control of my life and asked him to guide me and help me.

We really began to grow in our faith, and then a couple asked us to be in a home Bible Study. They very wisely decided to hold it at OUR house (knowing we might back out otherwise)! We soon learned about God's love for us, and things started to make so much more sense. We became passionate about our faith. Eventually I felt called to go to seminary, so we sold our house and most of our possessions, and moved the family to Ohio for me to get a degree in religious studies and a pastoral ministry certification. Those were some of the best times of our life because we felt so close to God and like we'd finally found our life purpose.

I suppose my unique personality and passions come out of those growing-up years when I felt unloved. To finally realize that God might actually LIKE me (much less love me) was life-changing. So I have always had a heart for people who are either turned off by the church, or feel turned away - ie. those who like Jesus, but don't feel accepted in the traditional church or the "norms" of society.

While I had a somewhat dramatic "conversion" from my old way of life to one of being a follower of Jesus, I also recognize it is a process that I am still very much wading through. I still struggle with feelings of rejection and alone-ness, as well as the temptation to want to fit in with others (being a people-pleaser). It is an almost daily challenge to surrender my fears and desires to those that God has for me (the truths of God). However, I have seen first-hand how having faith in Jesus can bring about the inner peace I have always been striving for. Some days I have a harder time seeing it than others, but I thank God for loving me and not giving up. My hope is that through the glimpses of God's Kingdom I encounter now, someday that will be a full-time reality.

50 shades of holy

I was having breakfast with my pastor friends this morning and something one of them said got me thinking about holiness. In the Bible God says, "Be holy, because I am holy" (Lev. 11:44; 1 Peter 1:16). I'll get to what I think that entails in a minute, but my thought this morning was: How many pastors (I was thinking 'well-known' pastors) are thought of as "holy" people?

When I think of holy people the first ones that come to mind are the Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Mother Teresa... they seem holy to me. But when I think of well-known pastors/church leaders, most of them seem to be known more for their organizational skills, or speaking skills, or their charisma. And isn't that what congregations long for in a pastor? Along with being young, having a wife who plays the piano, and a couple small children...

Our breakfast conversation also involved the idea of the "pastor" as "shepherd." Many people think of shepherding as "driving" or "herding" sheep, but I'm told the reality is that shepherds in the biblical sense led their sheep in a much different way. The sheep knew the sound of their shepherds voice, and they would simply follow.

So my question (to myself) is... How do most of our church leaders "lead"? It seems many of us have been guilty of trying to push people to do things (drive, herd, force, persuade...). I wonder if church leaders spent more time learning to live holy lives themselves, would that present a better picture of God's idea of discipleship than what we have? Would people be more willing to follow? Or is that even the point?

I certainly don't pretend to know the answer; I'm just thinking out loud. At any rate, I did stumble across a good article this morning "What Does God Mean When He Asks Us To Be Holy As He Is Holy?" The author points out that so many of us think of holiness only in terms of morality - the things we do or don't do. Godly holiness, though, is more the idea of being "set apart" for God; belonging to him. That's the only way we can be holy as he is holy - it's identifying with him through relationship with him. As the author says...

If we read the biblical understanding of holiness through the lens of our relationship to God, Jesus, as the unique revelation of God, becomes preeminent. Too often, our notions of holiness are lifted from the Old Testament [obeying rules] without understanding them in light of God's self-revelation in Jesus.

Those who have responded in faith to the revelation of God in Jesus Christ have been united with Christ. To be a Christian means far more than merely to believe in God—as if the Christian faith were reducible to a system of beliefs. Rather, it means to be united with Jesus in and through the Holy Spirit.

So being holy isn't merely about the things you do or don't do. It kind of paints the picture in my mind of simply being head over heels in love with Jesus. Being His. Belonging to him. Living for him. This man/God, who is the ultimate, perfect, being, and who holds the keys to the universe and all of time. What's crazier is... he wants to be in love with us too.

Well, this has turned into way too long of a post. I did want to include this quote I saw from Frederick Buechner this morning though. So I'll end with this:

IF THE WORLD IS sane, then Jesus is mad as a hatter and the Last Supper is the Mad Tea Party. The world says, Mind your own business, and Jesus says, There is no such thing as your own business. The world says, Follow the wisest course and be a success, and Jesus says, Follow me and be crucified. The world says, Drive carefully—the life you save may be your own—and Jesus says, Whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. The world says, Law and order, and Jesus says, Love. The world says, Get and Jesus says, Give. In terms of the world's sanity, Jesus is crazy as a coot, and anybody who thinks he can follow him without being a little crazy too is laboring less under a cross than under a delusion.
- Originally published in The Faces of Jesus

The intimacy (and power) of shared prayer

Kierkegaard says, “The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." I agree, but think it possibly goes even further.

Every Tuesday evening I attend a men's Bible Study. I am the youngest one there (by far) and I don't know any of the other guys, but I noticed something last night that was quite striking to me. Every time we gather, we pray for one another. It usually takes about 30 minutes and we pray for the person to our right or left. Everyone prays, and everyone is prayed for. What struck me last night was the 'connection' that is established between the prayer and the prayed-for.

Anyone who has ever been in love (or even "in lust") knows the power of intimacy. Aside from the sexual nature, the bond of intimacy has spurred people to great sacrifice and astonishing heights of achievement. Whether it be traveling long distances for a chat, spending loads of money, or the orchestrated teamwork of athletic accomplishment... there is power in a bond of closeness/togetherness. Praying with someone can have the same result.

I find it interesting how, after someone prays for me, I tend to think of them differently. It's like they know me a little better. When I pray for someone else, in their presence, it's the same thing. Even with those you may have differences with, something happens when we pray together. It's hard to hate someone you lift into the presence of God. I would guess it's harder still when God enters your midst. What was it Jesus said, "For where 2 or 3 gather in my name, there I am with them." (Mt. 18:20).

So, I was just thinking... imagine if we prayed for our enemies. Or were able to pray WITH them! Hmm... Or - if you're married - if you prayed together with your spouse. Jane and I have from time to time, but honestly, we're not very good about keeping at it. I just think it naturally lends itself to greater intimacy, and the power that comes from that could create bonds and break down barriers like we may never have dreamt possible. At least that's what I think.

Missing the point

I have to admit, it felt pretty good to be in Findlay again hanging with some church leadership folks. I've not had much contact with any people in our denomination for awhile, and it was good to take a class too. There were some discussions that were quite refreshing, but there were also a couple that really made me glad to no longer be 'in that loop.'

One gentleman in particular, whom I had met before but he apparently didn't remember, really amused me. He introduced himself to me early on; he is an energetic sort; he "pastors" a church in whatever region that is. I don't remember what we were even discussing, but I made some comment about Sunday kind of being the "easy" day for our faith - meaning the things we do at our worship gatherings don't generally require so much effort as it usually takes trying to live out our faith the rest of the week. He looked at me like I was an alien and I actually think he believed I was being sarcastic, because he immediately starts telling me about how terrible this past Sunday had been for him. The organist was gone, the pianist couldn't be there, they had to HIRE a musician; then the sound board operator didn't show up... and it totally threw everything into a terrible wad of chaos for him as the pastor. He topped it off by saying, "And there were probably only a handful of people there who had any idea just how difficult it was for me!"

I didn't know how to respond to that. He was being dead serious. I was seriously mystified. I wanted to ask him how he thought that rated among the 'difficulties' some of his people were currently facing in life, but I didn't think it would matter. So I just walked away. Are our Sunday gatherings really THAT important???

Yes... I know... I used to take them very seriously too (Sunday's; worship services). And it's not that they don't matter at all. I don't know... Maybe I missed his point. He missed mine. We were looking at things from completely different perspectives the rest of the two days. I feel kind of bad that I sort of 'dismissed him' from that point on. I don't think he noticed, or cared. He still seemed very excited about his life. I went on with mine.

Anyway, today it's back to my regular job. I haven't even thought about it for the past several days. Whatever.

Uncle harold

My Uncle Harold passed away this past Wednesday. He was my dad's last family member still alive (other than my dad). There are a couple obituaries HERE and HERE.

I always liked Uncle Harold. He was a quiet man, but he always had a joke or story to tell. And he always took the time to talk to ME. I can still here him say, "Danny, did you ever hear about..." I liked when he talked to me. I liked how unassuming he was. I liked how quiet and thoughtful he was. I liked his sense of humor. I generally just liked being around him. I never really knew my grandpa Bernard, but Harold seemed more like him than anyone else I knew. He was a good guy.

He was a farmer, a rural mail carrier, a pilot, and he made wooden toys. I still have some around the house that he made when I was a child (pictured are the ping-pong ball gun and whatever the other thing is). I suspect he was good at everything he did. He was the type of gentle soul that I wish I were. A good guy.

Anyway, while it's always sad when someone dies, I am glad that his suffering is no more. He had been living in a nursing home these past few years, and I'm sure it was not easy for him. I have no doubt that if people really go to heaven when we die, he is there.

The words of Jesus in John 14:2-4

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Christian martyrdom

In light of all the recent talk of the Islamic State (ISIS), and terrorists, and how to deal with things like this... I've been thinking about what it means to live (and die) for Christ. In my mind, that is the same thing as 'what it means to be a Christian.' I am convinced that what it means to me is not the same thing it means to a lot of other people.

I am often saddened by some of the things I read on Facebook (and elsewhere) written by "christian" people - how we need to eradicate the evil terrorists, wipe the planet clean of the mean and nasty muslims, "take america back!" actually just popped up on my Facebook news feed as I took a gander there. Is that really what Jesus taught us to do? How he taught us to live? The life he called us into???

I think about Jesus' teaching to "turn the other cheek;" to "love our enemies;" to "rejoice and be glad" when we are persecuted; etc., etc., etc. (Mt. 5)

I think about the Apostle Paul, when he said (Ph. 1:20-21), "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

I don't know... I just don't see anywhere that it is okay for a follower of Jesus to use force to take another persons life - or even to defend our own. So I did a simple google search for "christian martyrs" and came up with a few links.

Eight martyrs in the Bible...

Ten famous Christian martyrs... 

Then I happened onto what I thought was a nicely written article at gotquestions.org on what a Christian martyr is. I hope they don't mind, but I am going to just put the whole thing right here:

Question: "Christian martyrdom - what does the Bible say? Should Christians desire to become martyrs?"

Answer: The dictionary defines a martyr as “a person who is killed because of his religious or other beliefs.” Interestingly enough, the English word martyr is really a word transliterated from the original Greek martur, which simply means “witness.” The reason why this word became synonymous with dying for one’s religious beliefs is that the early Christian witnesses were often persecuted and/or killed for their witness.

As evidence of this, consider the story of the first Christian martyr, Stephen, recorded in Acts 6:8–7:53. After being anointed as one of the first deacons in the church, Stephen immediately began doing mighty works among the people. As is usually the case when the Holy Spirit is mightily at work and the gospel is going forth, the forces of darkness arise to hinder the work of the kingdom. In this case, several men came to dispute what Stephen was saying, but Stephen, filled with the Holy Spirit, was able to refute their criticisms. Rather than accept what Stephen was teaching, these men brought false charges against him to the Jewish leaders (Acts 6:11-14). Most of Acts 7 consists of Stephen’s speech to the Jewish leaders in which he essentially summarized the history of Israel up to their rejection of their Messiah.

At the end of the speech, Stephen utters these words, which seal his fate: “You stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in heart and ears, you always resist the Holy Spirit. As your fathers did, so do you. Which of the prophets did your fathers not persecute? And they killed those who announced beforehand the coming of the Righteous One, whom you have now betrayed and murdered, you who received the law as delivered by angels and did not keep it” (Acts 7:51-53).

Now, there was nothing untrue in Stephen’s words. The Jewish leaders were indeed responsible for turning Jesus over to the Romans for execution. Despite Jesus’ miracles and authoritative teaching, the hardness of the Jewish leaders’ hearts kept them from seeing the truth about Jesus. The Jewish leaders, upon hearing Stephen’s words, were enraged and immediately arranged for Stephen’s execution by stoning (v. 58). Stephen was, therefore, the first Christian martyr recorded in Scripture.

The Bible places a premium on faithful believers who pay the ultimate price for their witness. Stephen was granted a glorious vision of heaven before he died, and in this vision, he saw Jesus standing at the right hand of the Father (Acts 7:56) as though waiting for Stephen in an attitude of honor for Stephen’s faithful service. As further evidence that martyrs are considered precious in God’s sight, the apostle John saw in his vision of the millennium those martyred for their faith reigning with Christ for a thousand years (Revelation 20:4). The apostle Peter, who wrote the most about martyrdom and suffering for one’s faith, said, “If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you... However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name” (1 Peter 4:14, 16). There is also the word of our Lord who pronounced a blessing upon those who are persecuted for His name: “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me” (Matthew 5:11).

Clearly, the biblical evidence points to the fact that those who are persecuted and suffer for their witness to Christ (up to and including death) are pleasing in God’s sight. Given that, two additional questions arise. First, what if I’m not asked to make the ultimate sacrifice for the cause of Christ? God doesn’t call everyone to make the ultimate sacrifice, but the Bible calls all Christians to be prepared to give a defense of the hope within us (1 Peter 3:15). The key to this passage lies in preparedness. Consider this analogy: those enlisting in the armed services should do so with the understanding that they may be called into battle and may be called upon to die in the service of their country. This is (or should be) the mindset of everyone who joins the military. Clearly, not all enlisted men and women die in the service of their country, and not all are even called into battle. Despite this, they are trained daily to be prepared for battle. The same goes for the Christian. We are in a state of “warfare” (Ephesians 6:12-20), and our Lord may call upon any of us to witness and even be martyred for our faith. Thus, we must be prepared!

The second question that can be asked is, given martyrdom’s “special” status in God’s eyes, should we actually seek martyrdom? Biblically, we can’t make a case for seeking to be martyrs for the cause of Christ. Martyrdom is a great privilege if it is inevitable, but it is not to be sought. Jesus said, “When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next” (Matthew 10:23). Furthermore, reading through the book of Acts, we see that the early church continually fled from intense persecution (Acts 8:1; 9:25, 30; 14:6; 17:10, 14). In each of these biblical examples, we see the early Christians fleeing persecution and taking all necessary precautions for survival. When Jesus says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39), He is not calling for people to make an attempt to lose their lives. Rather, He is calling us to be willing to lose our lives for His sake. Those who actively seek the path of martyrdom are not seeking it for the glory of God, but for their own glory. As the old saying goes, the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church. God’s purpose in martyrdom is the glorification of His name and the building up of His church.

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-martyrdom.html#ixzz3SIDpc5lV

I would guess those 21 Christians who were beheaded by the IS troups are in a pretty glorious state right now. More power to 'em. It is sad, though, to see so many "christians" who have no interest or desire in following Jesus and his teachings. But I guess some things never change.

A lesson in praising god during hard times

I have been using the workbook, 'Connecting With God: A Spiritual Formation Guide' for my devotions lately. My work has been slow, so I've been doing it there. I am able to read through it slowly and think on things as I do them. I like this whole series of guides.

The other day I did chapter 6: 'Perceiving God in Circumstances.' They used the biblical story of Joseph from Genesis 45 and 50. They also shared from Catherine Marshall's book Something More. I'm just going to include what they had word for word. I will put her words in bold type and their words in regular. This is from the workbook:

In Something More, Catherine Marshall writes about a struggle many of us share: trying to reconcile a great tragedy, such as sickness or death, with our belief that God is somehow with us in everything that happens. When her husband, Peter Marshall, a well-known Christian who had served as the chaplain of the U.S. Senate, died of a coronary occlusion at age 46, it threw her faith into turmoil. She could not believe it was God's will for such a thing to happen. When she was finally to ask God what to do next, she...

"...was taught one of the greatest lessons any of us can ever learn... Sin is in the world. And sin is 'missing the mark,' missing God's perfect plan. There is so much of this missing the mark that it is going to impinge on every person's life at some points.

If God left us with only this, real happiness or victory in this life would be an impossible mirage. But the Gospel truly is good news. The news is that there is no situation -- no breakage, no loss, no grief, no sin, no mess -- so dreadful that out of it God cannot bring good, total good, not just 'spiritual' good, if we will allow him to."

After more soul-searching, Marshall felt God tell her that the key was to relinquish all to him and then to praise him for every circumstance, no matter how tragic. It wasn't easy, but the results of her very first attempt serve as a lesson for all of us.

"I began to praise that first time hesitatingly, woodenly: 'Lord, I think I'll begin with the small irritations first - that truck driver demolishing the mailbox. Surely, I'm not supposed to thank You for that! I can see, Lord, as I talk to You that the mailbox is of no consequence. Looking at You puts petty problems into perspective in a hurry. I can feel Your humor that I took it so seriously. So thank You, Lord, for perspective. Thank You for humor. Thank You for You.

As I persisted down the list, another instruction was given. 'Now write down every situation in your life that seems less than good, that you would like to see changed.'

That wasn't hard. I went inside to get my red notebook and a pen and proceeded to fill five pages. But what came next was hard: 'I want you to go down the list and praise Me for every item.'

'Lord, I can see praising You for bringing good out of all these things, but I still don't understand how I can praise You for the bad things. Doesn't that make You the Author of Evil?'

'I am Lord over all -- good and evil. You start praising. I'll supply the understanding.'

Step by hesitant step, I was being led on an exciting spiritual adventure.

Hmm... Well, it should be innaresting. God works in mysterious ways, so... what have we got to lose? Sometimes what seems the toughest, or least logical, actually turns out to be just what we needed in the first place. I think. I hope.

Integrity

I've been thinking a lot about integrity lately. If you type it into the Google search engine the first definition that pops up is, "the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness." It's interesting how different people can view that differently.

I have known people who are adamant about their own high level of personal integrity. They are bold in sharing Jesus with others and speaking their faith - and wearing Christian shirts and attending Christian things, etc. I have felt the sneer from some of these folks as they see me interacting with people who don't hold to the same moral filters as they do. Yet, I've also seen and heard first-hand how these "people of integrity" interact in their daily lives - at their jobs, in public places outside of church, etc. - and their behavior often leaves me questioning their integrity. They tend to act one way when they're in 'church' or around 'church friends' and another way when they're not.

As for me, I rarely share my faith with others, I'm not at all bold in talking about Jesus, I don't wear Christian garb or attend too many Christian things... but I'd like to think that I am honest and dependable and trustworthy and sincere. I certainly have my flaws, but I hope that I am the same when I am in front of others as when I am alone. I guess that's what integrity means to me.

So, whether I am right or not, I guess it doesn't matter. I was just thinking about it. I want to be a person of integrity. I want my 'yes' to mean 'yes' and my 'no' to mean 'no.' I suppose if someone says they're after the same thing - even if it doesn't look like mine - I should be glad about that. Hmm. Whatever.